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First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 4:08:17 PM

Horadell

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/6/2006
From: SW Florida
Status: offline

As some may know, I am relatively new to the lifestyle, only a year in, at most. I have never, however, been to a local event, and have never been involved in the local community.

Now I get my first invitation to an event and I am a little nervous. I hope that is normal...

It is a little awkward, having never been to any kind of event like this and finding out the event is only 5 days away. I know that I have been advised to get involved in my local community, but is it wise to go to a play party, complete with theme and costuming, as my first event? I guess it almost feels like, having never been swimming in anything more than the bath tub, and I am being invited to jump into the ocean off a pier.

Just a little nervous and wondering if I should wait it out, or just jump in head first?

Again, has anyone else been nervous about their first local event? How did you deal with it?

Post #: 1

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 4:09:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Go! This is what EVERYONE was advising you to do in your other thread.

Keep it simple and basic. Keep it fun.

And yeah, almost everyone is nervous their first time. Heck I'm usually nervous everytime.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_576521/mpage_1/key_first/tm.htm#576524
First time Party

http://www.collarchat.com/m_323269/mpage_1/key_first/tm.htm#323597
First Lifestyle Meeting

http://www.collarchat.com/m_311113/mpage_1/key_first%252Cparty/tm.htm#311125
Your First Experience

http://www.collarchat.com/m_291346/mpage_1/key_first%252Ctime%252Cclub%252Cplay/tm.htm#291346
1st Time at the Wet Spot

http://www.collarchat.com/m_195507/mpage_1/key_first%252Ctime%252Cclub%252Cplay/tm.htm#195507
Behaviors and Reactions During Play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_78610/mpage_1/key_first%252Ctime%252Cclub%252Cplay/tm.htm#78610
Question about First Time Scenes

http://www.collarchat.com/m_249091/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#249091
My first real scene!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_221923/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#221923
First Play party

http://www.collarchat.com/m_202913/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#202913
Novice Reactions

http://www.collarchat.com/m_95381/mpage_1/key_first%252Cscene/tm.htm#95381
"playing" on the first meet?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Horadell)

Post #: 2

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 4:12:29 PM

GeekFreak

Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

No need to do anything that you don't want. Make it as easy on yourself as you can by making it as simple as you can. If you enjoy your first experience, there are countless others you can go back to dressed in theme or other such things.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 7:27:35 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you want to go in costume, go...just keep it simple so you don't have to futs with it all night. But, if you go in black, you'll fit in at any event, especially if you have leather.

The first time is nerve racking. I can't tell you how hard it was for me to go to my first MAsT meeting about 5 years ago. MAsT = Masters And slaves Together which is a national orginzation with chapters. Now, I'm the director of that chapter! Even so, I still get nervous about going new places and to new events. It's a human thing.

About the only advice there is to give is: take a deep breath, jump then swim for all you're worth!

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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(in reply to Horadell)

Post #: 4

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 7:44:28 PM

TheMightyBitch

Posts: 45
Joined: 8/25/2006
Status: offline

I was extremely nervous my first social event. I kept wanting to make an excuse not to go.

I went...........and had a BLAST.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 5

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 7:47:27 PM

ladylexington

Posts: 117
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline

Of course you're nervous - everyone is! In my experience, people at play parties are warm and welcoming overall. Odds are, you'll have a great time.

_____________________________

If you must gamble your lives sexually, don't play a lone hand too much. -- Mark Twain

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 8:37:15 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

I was beyond extremely nervous my first time going to an event. It was a play party. I was actually sick to my stomach from nerves. I went and I had an utter blast. Everyone was very welcoming and quickly put me at ease and I thoroughly enjoyed myself that night. I chatted, laughed, watched, asked a few simple questions, learned, and was awed by some of the things I saw and I even ended up playing that night in a safe, secure environment. It helped that I knew a few of the people there, not many, but about 5.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to ladylexington)

Post #: 7

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 8:45:47 PM

Kashan

Posts: 51
Joined: 6/30/2006
Status: offline

I wasn't nervous, but I knw very little. I definitely reccomend jumping in feet firt, even head first, as there are some really sweet peole there.

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"Life is pain, anyone who tells you different is trying to sell you something." ~the Man in Black

(in reply to SweetSarijane)

Post #: 8

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 9:56:14 PM

Horadell

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/6/2006
From: SW Florida
Status: offline

I tend to be very analytical at times... I have already checked my schedule, and there isn't a problem with me going, luckily. Costuming for me is very simple, its a school setting, with colors, so I will just wear slacks, dress shirt, and jacket, as instructed in the invitation.

I have to say, Thank you to everyone who helped me find the local chapters. I probably would not have looked on my own... well, not yet.

Anyways. I don't know a lot of the terminology, and I really don't know what to expect. I guess, rather than questioning every aspect to death, I should just go and be amazed.

I just really don't know what to expect, beyond the obvious, from a play party. And even then, I don't know how much of the 'obvious' I really should be expecting.

Hurray for being a stereotypical Virgo.

(in reply to Kashan)

Post #: 9

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 10:22:09 PM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

Have fun and let us know how it went.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to Horadell)

Post #: 10

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 10:24:41 PM

Horadell

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/6/2006
From: SW Florida
Status: offline

Oh... another important question.

I asked my sub about going to the party, as I am in a LDR. And yes, I asked. Me going to the party, while important for my own growth, still needs to be okay, in my sub's eyes, in my opinion. After all, she is my sub, but she is also my girlfriend, and I care about her a lot.

Her response shocked me.

She made it a point for me to understand that I should go, it would be good for me, and that I should enjoy myself. She wanted me to be active as well, and participate. She went as far as to tell me she didn't care if I went, as long as I came home to her when I was done enjoying other people.

I personally feel this is her way of trying to be supportive, despite what she actually feels...

I wont let her being uncomfortable stop me from going, but I do want to be aware of it before I go... so as to avoid any potential, "I didn't know because you never said anything!" problems later.

I fully admit I am being niave and foolish when I say that I hope that I keep her for the rest of my life and will attempt to do whatever I could, short of leading myself to destruction, or seriously hurting myself (physically or mentally), to make sure that happened. but that doesn't change the fact that I feel that way.

(in reply to Horadell)

Post #: 11

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/11/2006 10:45:08 PM

SwPuno

Posts: 72
Joined: 10/28/2004
Status: offline

You know her better than we do of course but please also genuinely consider the possibility that your girlfriend means it exactly as she says it, especially if she already has more social, dating, or scene experience than you.

And if you find out later that she did not mean it you can point out that you two need to work on improving on honest communication and that you will be held accountable for your actions and reactions to honest communication rather than being expected to "know" or read her true feelings, especially in an LDR when you can't be present to experience all of her body language as she says things.

Oh, and have fun at the party. Remember it is fine to just observe and get the lay of the land if that is what you feel comfortable with at this time. But if you don't go you'll probably regret not going and wonder what you missed.

.

(in reply to Horadell)

Post #: 12

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/12/2006 6:43:35 AM

Horadell

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/6/2006
From: SW Florida
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwPuno

You know her better than we do of course but please also genuinely consider the possibility that your girlfriend means it exactly as she says it, especially if she already has more social, dating, or scene experience than you.

And if you find out later that she did not mean it you can point out that you two need to work on improving on honest communication and that you will be held accountable for your actions and reactions to honest communication rather than being expected to "know" or read her true feelings, especially in an LDR when you can't be present to experience all of her body language as she says things.

Oh, and have fun at the party. Remember it is fine to just observe and get the lay of the land if that is what you feel comfortable with at this time. But if you don't go you'll probably regret not going and wonder what you missed.

I know you are right, and you know you are right... If she trusts me like she says she does and she believes that I will not make a bad decision, then hopefully she will not object to me going.

There is a possibility I cannot go, but that I will find out soon.

Will post more later.

(in reply to SwPuno)

Post #: 13

First invitation to an event - 9/12/2006 6:54:00 PM

vivian35

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline

I also was very nervous at my first BDSM event with a domme, even though I had done a lot with my domme (and other dommes before her) in private and at private parties.
I am talking about real humiliation and sexual service. The odd thing is that at a few of these women parties, there were at times upwards of 13-15 women there.
I had been put on display and used sexually by my domme as part of a demonstration for the women at the party. The first couple of times I had some red wine to calm me down first but after that I was OK with it and really enjoyed it (but then I'm a bit of an exhibitionist

).
But the idea of serving my domme in a semi-public event just seemed a step up, even though there were fewer women there than at some play parties I had attended. So it's all in the mind.

(in reply to TheMightyBitch)

Post #: 14

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/12/2006 7:22:12 PM

CreoleCook

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline

whens the last time you went to a bar, and had a drink? do you remember your first time doing that? do you remember what it felt like to ask for a drink, and get it, without the bartender asking to see your ID? Am I reminding you of anything?

Just remember one thing... they are people, JUST LIKE YOU. they aren't anything special, they aren't going to point and laugh... they didn't at the bar, did they?

CC

_____________________________

"If I owned Texas, and Hell, I would rent out Texas, and live in Hell." ~Gen. John Sheridan, 1855

"I was thinking of the immortal words of socrates, who said, 'I drank what?'" ~Chris Knight, Real Genius

(in reply to vivian35)

Post #: 15

RE: First invitation to an event - 9/12/2006 9:37:04 PM

Horadell

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/6/2006
From: SW Florida
Status: offline

I hate to dissappoint...

Do to medical reasons, I won't be attending the Play party, and will end up waiting until the next event, or driving to the next one that is close to home (within a few hours)...

The weekend of the event I already have lots of things to do, and planning sleep, and work, and events, both BDSM lifestyle and otherwise, to go to it all I would get less than 1/2 the sleep I need to get and would be taking about twice as much medication as I am really supposed to in a 4 day period.

Top priority = work.

Second = Health

Third = Pre existing plans

Last = New plans...

while the play party is important, it is still something I found out about only a week in advance, and that did not leave time to adjust properly.

There is always next time though.

(in reply to CreoleCook)

Post #: 16

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