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Amaros -> RE: New to this and full of questions (9/20/2006 6:25:28 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mrbenscreature
I've never posted before, but I've done some pretty extensive reading on this forum. Anyway, my current boyfriend has trained several girls in the past and has had several serious d/s relationships in the past. I've always been curious about the lifestyle, but have never, until now, had the chance to try anything out.
He and I have been together for a year this month, and have been discussing/experimenting with the lifestyle for months now. As is, we're at a standstill and neither of us know how to advance forward. I have a lot of questions and reservations which I was hoping someone could help me out with, and maybe give me some insight into.
Just thoughts off the top of my head, I don't know either of you, just a bit about human psychology, i.e., I can only speak in generla terms and what my gut tells me from this breif introduction. Short version: take this with grains of salt, free advice is worth what you pay for it.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mrbenscreature
First off, I'm a very firery and strong willed person, and when it comes down to it, I'm a brat. My boyfriend has never dealt with a strong girl, let alone a brat, and tells me that he doesn't know what to do to train me. He's given me rules, and I follow them religiously. We've experimented with some stuff in the bedroom, but not a whole lot. We've been stagnant for 3 months now, without any change or progress. Any suggestions? Is it possible for someone to be too much of a brat for anyone to have a good d/s relationship with?
Yes, you can be too much of a brat, but this doesn't sound like the problem to me - you are trying to please him, and it isn't working - for you? For him? Not entirely sure, but presumably it's both of you, a question of not clicking: experience also means he has expectations, which you don't perceive, and you probobly have expectations he can't quite grasp yet.
I'm tempted to suggest you're not being enough of a brat: trying to completely reformat your identity is not going to happen overnight, - lessee, 21? An Ox I'm guessing, and Oxen are very stubborn but dependable - I think if your heart is in it, the actual submission might not be the problem, but rather that the dutiful side of your nature is booooring, so you are disengaging a bit emotionally - indulge the brat a bit, lighten up, tease him, rebel a little, give him something to work with, all with the idea of putting a little passion into the affair, not frustrating him further - it's good that he's being patient with you, you need that, but if you're ready to push it a little further, find a way to let him know - challenge him, just be ready to let him do his thing.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mrbenscreature
I'm also worried about the everyday life. Since we're trying to do this the right way and not mess up the dynamics of our really good relationship, he's been very cautious and slow about approaching me with anything new in these regards as well. Is it possible to maintain a good relationship while trying to get into the lifestyle too?
Yes. As I say, it's good that he is going slow with you, but it may be that you might have to be the one to prod him pick up the pace a little if you think you're ready for that - just don't push it too far, you can't undo things unfortunately. Use your imagination.
If it all blows up, for gods sake, don't tell him I told you this.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mrbenscreature
And seeing as I'm a strong person, would I have to lose that aspect of my personality to be dominated by anyone?
Nah, personality is what you use to adapt to new situations and challenges, like a toolkit - it takes trust to submit, and it takes strength and dicipline, you may find your personality will change with your identity, something that tends to happen at your age anyway as you take on more adult responsibilities, and make your own decisions, but it's practically impossible to "lose" your personality, if you do, you'll find it again, it's pretty hard to erase without radical surgery - and it's probobly what attracted him to you in the first place.
quote:
ORIGINAL: mrbenscreature
Any help and advice that anyone could give would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much.
Going the other direction, just to give you some options, is to get out of character by going out ona few vanilla dates with your Man, where you can be yourself, you might find it gives you a bit of perspective on your situation.
And listen to OhReallyNow - you need to get in touch with your own emotions here, and tell him about it, communication is the basis of any good relationship - and not all of us are mind readers.
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