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WhippingPostNY -> RE: Ettique? (9/17/2006 2:15:14 PM)
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Great question illuminati1,
I am certain that the answers to this are between one Dom and one Sub only. In other words - the answers are unique to each individual couple. This is one of the most beautiful and attractive aspects of D/s/s to me.
Below are my guidelines. They are not meant to distract from or as an alternative to those of any other Dom/me. They are mine alone.
Guidelines only - the natural interaction between the two more important to me than anything else listed here.
Step 1: Getting to Know One Another
This is what you have asked about. This is the stage when my potential sub and I get to know and understand one another's mind, heart, spirit, soul. My potential sub may speak freely, and ask anything of me that she may. She is still an independent woman in my eyes. Free to do as she sees fit.
In may ways I will be courting her during this stage. Her submissive nature and attitude are the main attractors.
This is an opportunity for me to reveal myself to her as well. To let her come to know my sensibilities, how my mind works, the gentleness as well as the dark ambitions of my soul. There is no time frame. Being one's self, and naturally moving to the next step is most important.
I do consider it my responsibility to test and probe at this stage - to make certain that what she is expressing to me as her wants and needs are in fact present in her heart. she is led by me at this point.
Also it is our shared responsability to admit to one another when the inner voice reveals the lack of that compatability. Lest we become entrapped into setteling.
Step 2: Under Consideration
At this stage I inform her that she has pleased me to the point, and I see enough possibility for us that I formally request that she be placed under my consideration. Upon her acceptance - things between us become a bit more formal as her training by me actually begins at this point.
I will further test her submissiveness, her general attitude, her sexual attitude, and her spirit. This is largely for me to determine her areas of need. Of our compatibility.
Although I have not offered to collar her yet, and she has not accepted my collar yet - while under consideration by me she will effectively belong to me. Meaning her sex. (Must ask permission - for any sexual contact - including masturbation). Included are those of her daily activities that I chose to involve myself in. She will be given tasks to accomplish. She will be used sexually. This is her opportunity to demonstrate both her need and her willingness.
During this time the "rules" will be established. They may change from time to time as this is a process that is specific to her - and as new things are learned - new lessons may be applied.
She will be asked to complete a questionnaire of her kink interests and experiences. The more I know about her the better I am able to assist her with her need.
She will also be given educational assignments to complete.
I will begin to implement protocol at this stage.
Step 3: My Claiming of her
If and when I am moved to extend my collar to her I will ask her to accept it.
This means that I am offering to take her completely under my protection and care. Her well-being becomes my responsability. The process and time frame from Step 2 to Step 3 can be lengthy.
Our compatibility needs to be certain - especially if we are both seeking a final life’s relationship.
Step 4: her Acceptance/Refusal
Should she refuse or otherwise decline my offer - we move on to friendship if we like. I can already tell I would be honored to have her as my friend by this point.
Should she accept my offer - she will no longer belong to herself only - but also to me. To me first. she becomes My sub at this point. I her Dom.
This acceptance will be the last decision she will be permitted to make independent of my approval. (except of course for the decision to ask to be released from same). I will formally collar her - and she will wear my collar at all times (unless I tell her to take it off). (Don't worry darling - I have excellent taste).
With only the exception of those items that we have mutually agreed are her Hard Limits (written contractually between us) she will have no say to override my decisions, requests, or demands on her. Such demands will always be tempered by my outgoing care and concern for her well-being.
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This is very serious to me. To date I have not collard a single female. I will not offer it unless she completely compels me to. Until there is no other option really.
As my sub you shall have the right to request to be released as my collared sub. I must honor this request without exception.
Step 5: Transition to Salve:
She may or may not ever develop the desire/need to make this transition. There are many differing understandings within the lifestyle as to the difference between sub/slave.
In my mind - really, it is only a matter of commitment. Once a sub knows in her soul that she must belong to her Dom forever she may chose to ask to be his slave.
There really are only a few major differences. Once the sub has made this commitment in her heart - and she is accepted as slave by her Dom her hard limits no longer apply, except as they may according to the good judgment of the Dom.
As slave she is 100% the property of her Dom. This obviously requires a high level of trust to be present in the relationship. Should the slave not wish to comply with the desire, request, or command of her Dom, it really is too bad. she will be made to comply - or suffer the consequences until she does.
Her status is much the same as any other property that her Dom may own.
The Dom may release his slave from his protection and care, at any time and for any reason, however - this is usually only done in a case of unrepentant blatant disobedience.
The slave may ask to be released at any time - but the Dom may allow this or not according to his decision and whim.
The Dom could give, lend, or sell his slave to another Dom/me if he so chose. Just as with any possession.
This arrangement - although consensual between the parties is of course not legally binding within the U.S., due to anti-slavery laws. So although there is usually a signed contract involved - largely this is a matter of the soul.
The Vanilla Equivalent (In my mind only):
Step 1: Courting
Step 2: Going Steady
Step 3: Engagement
Step 4: Living together
Step 5: Marriage
All of this is open to discussion. Be certain that you do not agree to any step in this process with any would-be Dom until you are certain in your heart and your soul that you need to.
By the by illuminati1 - you appear to be quite the little darling.
WP
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