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struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 5:04:14 AM

socalbbwsub

Posts: 1484
Joined: 3/30/2006
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For you bisexual submissives/slaves do you find it difficult to submit to women also? I ask because I do.

I’ve only had very limited experience with women and I’ve only submitted to one. Sexually submitting to her came natural to me. But once she wanted me to serve her outside the bedroom I was hesitant and at one point I was pissed.

The experience was confusing and difficult for me because I really want to serve a lady in and out of the bedroom.

I rarely feel this way with men, in fact, I’m eager to serve and please.

< Message edited by socalbbwsub -- 9/16/2006 5:05:26 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 5:35:04 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
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I might suggest that there was something about her, her demeanor, or her attitude that give not give you the proper headspace to submit in a non-sexual fashion. She treated you one way when it was sexual, but in another fashion when it was not.

On the other hand, once you have selected someone you are comfortable submitting to, that thought of 'Serving This Person' I would think be first and foremost on your mind. Looking at it that way, your feelings of resentment and anger don't seem to make as much sense.

Is it that during the sex enough of your needs were met, but non-sexually it was more about pure service and there wasn't enough for you? That might indicate that there is a self-seeking part of you that hasn't fully embraced submission in this manner. That's not a judgement, just an observation.

Always understand your own motivations, and the rest will follow.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 2

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 6:47:31 AM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I am bi and enjoy being dominated by men and women. I have never had a problem with it. Maybe it just isn't your thing. If your bi then maybe just being with other subs/slaves of the same is what works for you. Sometimes the first time is difficult but don't judge all by one experience.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 9/16/2006 6:48:35 AM >

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 3

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 7:29:06 AM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

I am not bi-sexual but I submit to both male and female dominants, just not sexually. For me it's a matter of submitting to their dominance, not their gender. It's my inner submissive responding to their inner dominant. Not sure if that's helpful or not.

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 4

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 8:31:05 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

I could never submit to another woman. Then again, i have no desire to, nor do i believe that i could. While i am a bi individual, i have enjoyed playing with them. I like all the kissing...touching, even making them orgasm. That's where it ends. I am the giver, i don't want any type of "return" so to speak. I certainly don't want any type of relationship with them either.

I know it may sound harsh, but i like to play with them, when it's over....bye, go home, maybe we will do it again, maybe we won't. It's been a long time since i have been with another woman, there are issues, and until i feel safe enough not to harm them, i stay away.

By the way, someone once told me: Just because you want to do something does not mean you can, and vice/versa.
If you truly want to serve a woman outside the bedroom, find out why it is you feel you can not? what is it that makes you want to? what is it that makes you feel you can't? Don't let it consume you, take your time, find out what you want.

Happy Saturday...

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 5

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 9:06:21 AM

Silvermoon

Posts: 156
Joined: 11/24/2004
Status: offline

I too, can not submit to women, in any form at any time. I adore women, truly I do but I could not picture myself in a situation where this would happen. (I won't say never, since there's always an exception in life)
Perhaps it is because I spent many years as a Domina, perhaps it is that I prefer softer, more feminine woman and thus submissive (over-generalization) I don't really know. Frankly I don't need to know the reason, only my feelings on the matter.
I have had a friendship ruined over Dominant/submissive issues. A woman I'd known for years simply couldn't fathom (or accept) that while I was attracted to her, her 'going Domina' completely and utter turned me off, years later it became more than a turn off, it offended and annoyed me that she couldn't respect my decision.
Now, years later, as I'm comfortable in my submission I still find when it comes to women I am completely Dominant in personality. I haven't a 'choice' it's not a switch I turn off or on, it's just my natural state. I've been like this since I was young, very young. In fact I think for years it was confusing to me in the sense that I felt I had to be one or the other. Dominant or submissive. And my feelings of Dominance towards women in general, because it was so natural had me thinking that was all I could be. And I wondered why I was not fulfilled. It took me 12 years to come to terms with who I was. I still don't feel I'm 'switch' either, but then I hate labels.
I think many women are like this. I have seen MANY conversations and meetings of women who've discussed this very thing.

It comes down to you accepting who you are. Do not force yourself into a box or a label. If it is not natural-feeling to you, or you fight yourself over an issue find a balance in it. Accept yourself and don't worry about others accepting you later.

Dominant or submissive, it is still about your happiness and comfort. Only when you can accept yourself, will you be happy and find yourself in a secure place where you can grow more naturally.

Sincerely
Silver

_____________________________

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"In Manus Tuas Commendo Spiritum Moum"-Into Your Hands I Entrust My Spirit

"A man's word is his honor, his honor is his worth; Therefore a man who can not keep his word, is worthless"-Self Quote

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 6

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 9:11:25 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I consider myself to be bi-sexual; however, I could not imagine making the choice to be a submissive partner to a dominant woman. In general, it is much more difficult to learn to trust women than it is men for me. I have some very negative, over generalized views of women. I also have some positive relationships with women, but they are the exception and not the norm for me.

On another note, I do not equate the desire to “serve and please” with submission and it would be a mistake for any person, male or female, to think that I am submitting to them because I try to do something that will please or serve them.

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 7

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 9:18:42 AM

vixenkneels

Posts: 94
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: LAKE OF THE OZARKS, MISSOURI
Status: offline

Even though I am bisexual I too find it nearly impossible to even think about submitting to another woman. Because of my submissive/slave wiring I find it an affront to my concept when confronted by a woman of "authority" as it's been engrained in me that a woman should not be dominant. A domineering mother taught me to rebel against her authority at every turn...my fears are in trying to submit to another woman, believing it would only make me angry and evoke an anger in her that could be taken out in overly aggressive activities.

It is my Master Craig's requirement that I one day submit to a FemDom and it's certainly not something I am looking forward to as I never wish to disappoint Him, nor dishonor Him in the eyes of another.

vixen

< Message edited by vixenkneels -- 9/16/2006 9:19:21 AM >

_____________________________

I am your servant. I shall not be free. You will protect me; you will keep me safe; you will guard me. You will keep me sound; you will protect me from every demon. -- Ancient Egyptian woman's slave contract

(in reply to Silvermoon)

Post #: 8

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 9:34:33 AM

justanotheclaire

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/15/2006
From: cambs, uk
Status: offline

I have foudn no matter how much i want to submitting to women dose not com naturally but i love making women cum its just one of those things havign ssaid that i can sub to all blokes i want ot either lol

_____________________________

Bound by desire
Free through submission

(in reply to vixenkneels)

Post #: 9

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 9:37:22 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear socalbbwsub, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I've been often approached by male dominants with female submissives who struggle with this 'submission to women.' Thankfully, it has been in scene related cases, without sexual interactions in the bedroom, as I refuse such interactions if it involves 'sex.' I'm heterosexual but, I am a loving person.

That said, each female slave/submissive must follow their gut on this. Some will find it easier to submit to one woman and not another. Same sex submission is awkward to most. For most of my cases, it has been more of an educational endeavor rather than a relationship endeavor. I think in every individual's mind, be it dominant or submissive; if the intent and the boundaries are established it is not so disturbing, as to be thrown together in the hopes to make it a sexual manifestation of instant bliss. Frankly, I don't see many women on women mix, like instant mash potatoes.

I think why I am asked to involve myself into a same sex interaction with submissive/slave females, is that I am void of sexual attraction and perhaps that eases another female's mind. I also am very careful with other submissive/slave females, as not to do anything sexual but, have them engaged more as students/trainees rather than anything else. Once the female slave/submissive is comfortable, then she can then have the mental mindset as to serve in comfort and feel safe about it.

Above all, in my minds eye--females who serve females must feel safe about it and have the trust there to keep it above reproach. That way, it is not forced but, comes from the 'healing' heart of a slave or submissive, to serve another. In a sense, service given can be more like a care giver, healer, act of kindness rather than a sense of submission or surrender. If a slave or submissive wishes to mental themselves into an 'act' as to see it through, it can be done rather well. Only the true intent will be known by the slave/submissive.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 10

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 11:23:52 AM

socalbbwsub

Posts: 1484
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Thanks to everyone for offering your input. I really appreciate it. It has given me something to think about, which is, why is it that I want to serve a woman. I must admit, part of it is because it gives me a sexual charge. There needs to be more than that.

And yes its true, I can’t let one experience set the tone for any possible future relationships with women.

Looking back on things, I didn’t really have the opportunity to develop a relationship with the first and only woman who dominated me. Our meeting was mainly something my now former Dom arranged because he wanted to see two women together. I only spent one night alone with her before he got there, which didn’t give me enough time to connect with her on anything much beyond a sexual level.

< Message edited by socalbbwsub -- 9/16/2006 11:25:15 AM >

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 11

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 11:26:01 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: socalbbwsub

Our meeting was mainly something my now former Dom arranged because he wanted to see two women together. I only spent one night alone with her before he got there, which didn’t give me enough time to connect with her on anything much beyond a sexual level.

Is it possible that the anger you experienced was actually directed at 'him', rather than 'her'?

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 12

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 11:26:58 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Is it possible that the anger you experienced was actually directed at 'him', rather than 'her'?

Jeff

very perceptive question

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 13

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 11:35:25 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear socialbbwsub, mstrjx, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I will also have to agree with mstrjx (Jeff) that your anger, frustration may be due in part, with being thrown in a sudden sexual interaction because of a male Dominant's desire/fantasy to see two women going sexual on each other.

With me, I do have desires seeing two men together. My approach though is to allow the principle slave, such as my slave seek the partner of their choice and who they are comfortable with. I am just the one who approves or disapproves due to my concerns. However, the slave of mine had to be comfortable and want this--not me, as I don't see slaves as just about 'sex' but--the entire person, which sex is a part of them not the whole of them.

In my mind's eye--both slaves/individuals have to be ready, comfortable with each other and trust each other as well as communicate, communicate and negotiate.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 14

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 2:20:22 PM

socalbbwsub

Posts: 1484
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline

Mstrjx and LadyHugs,

Thanks for pointing out the fact that perhaps some of my anger towards her was because of him. It has always been in the back of my mind, but I didn’t realize how much of an impact it had. Sure there were many other factors, but I can honestly say that I wish my first bisexual experience was not something I felt I had to do. Even if the sex turned out to be enjoyable.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 15

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 2:26:08 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I am not a submissive, I am quite the naturally Dominant female, but in my mind I've often thought of what it must be like to be submissive. I could never for the life of me submit to any man, I just do not see them as dominant and I grew up in a household with two Dominant parents.

I think for some of us it is just engrained that we won't submit to the opposite sex and you can try to work around that if you can. However I think if you do, take it slow and communicate with your owner as much as possible. Take your time in finding the right partner. you may find it is something that you simply won't be happy doing but something you do to make him happy.

Good luck,
~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 16

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 3:14:53 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear socialbbwsub, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am always disappointed, when male dominants thrust women together like to pieces of bread as to beat his meat in excitement, using two women to fulfill a 'sexual fantasy.' People get angry and, sadly its misdirected.

Since I am a dominant woman, I could always quip back, that the male dominant needs to pair up with another man, so the female can have some giggles and grins as well. Interesting how they drop the issue and insisting on women joining together before they're ready to do so.

Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 17

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 8:17:28 PM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: socalbbwsub

For you bisexual submissives/slaves do you find it difficult to submit to women also? I ask because I do.

I’ve only had very limited experience with women and I’ve only submitted to one. Sexually submitting to her came natural to me. But once she wanted me to serve her outside the bedroom I was hesitant and at one point I was pissed.

The experience was confusing and difficult for me because I really want to serve a lady in and out of the bedroom.

I rarely feel this way with men, in fact, I’m eager to serve and please.

this slave finds no enjoyment in 'service to a woman'; however, she does find pleasure in knowing that Master enjoys her sevicing women

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 18

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 9:15:37 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear socialbbwsub, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am always disappointed, when male dominants thrust women together like to pieces of bread as to beat his meat in excitement, using two women to fulfill a 'sexual fantasy.' People get angry and, sadly its misdirected.

Since I am a dominant woman, I could always quip back, that the male dominant needs to pair up with another man, so the female can have some giggles and grins as well. Interesting how they drop the issue and insisting on women joining together before they're ready to do so.

Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

Beautifully said LadyHugs as usual

We need more guy-on-guy action in the world.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 19

RE: struggles submitting to women - 9/16/2006 9:26:09 PM

ayasha

Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline

one finds it difficult to submit to a woman because one loves men - adores them - needs them - loves their body, their smell - one would not submit to a woman because one feels the need to submit to a Master. Just as in the vanilla world one chose a husband, not a female partner. It is how this one is 'wired'.

(in reply to socalbbwsub)

Post #: 20

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