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Steps to Playing Safely - 9/16/2006 8:39:31 AM

kyraofMists

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I know this has been done to death, but since safety is such an important topic and there are always new people who can benefit from it, I thought it worth doing again.

What steps do you take to safely play with another for BDSM play?
What different steps do you take if the person is a casual or long term play partner?
What different steps do you take if you have met the person before or if it is a first meet?
What different steps do you take if you first met the person online or in person?

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RE: Steps to Playing Safely - 9/16/2006 8:43:47 AM

becca333

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Communication. Talk, set limits, discuss wants and needs. I don't play with casual partners. When I'm starting a relationship there's a lot of negotiation and discussion first, and I take it a little at a time till I'm sure I can trust the person.

But sooner or later you have to just jump in and take that risk, and trust your instincts about them.

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RE: Steps to Playing Safely - 9/16/2006 8:54:46 AM

thetammyjo

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Go slow whenever you do something or someone new.

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RE: Steps to Playing Safely - 9/16/2006 9:05:15 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
What steps do you take to safely play with another for BDSM play?

I talk to them to get a feel for what they want and what sort of energy I get from them.

quote:

What different steps do you take if the person is a casual or long term play partner?

More time spent together really is the only difference. If a person stays casual it's usually because either the energy just has us being happy there or one or the other of us doesn't have the room in their life to make it more.

quote:

What different steps do you take if you have met the person before or if it is a first meet?

If I've met the person before, then we'll likely KNOW beforehand that we want to play and have talked about it. If we haven't met then there's a possibility we'll just talk and hang out.

quote:

What different steps do you take if you first met the person online or in person?

I'm more likely to play with them if we've already met offline, and more likely to go on a private date with them. If I've only known them online, I have them come to me so I don't waste my time.

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RE: Steps to Playing Safely - 9/16/2006 11:00:44 AM

juliaoceania

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I put my saftey in my partner's hands, but I have a safeword. I have soft limits that I relax once I become more involved (my interactions are not extensive with many play partners, so I am just noticing some of these things because you are asking). I would not let anyone tie me up for years (had bad experience once) until Daddy. I think that one needs a lot more constraints for a new partner than one they have been involved with and established trust with.

I think the best saftey constraint for me is a one on one relationship that takes time to develop. Someone whom I trust to take care of me especially when things do not go right.... and anyone at anytime could have a really bad play experience even if they have done the scene over and over.

I know all of someone's personal information before I play with them. I know their address, model and make of car, their full name, their landline, and I will have talked a long while about expectations and limits... I do not go through that much trouble for something casual.. it took months of phone conversations and emails and instant messages before we even met because of distance, it was not a casual thing when we played the first time.. and not with my former dom either.

I have never met a dom in real life, so I would not know how to compare and contrast meeting someone through a personals section or meeting them at event or munch

Good questions!

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 9/16/2006 11:03:10 AM >

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RE: Steps to Playing Safely - 9/16/2006 7:57:17 PM

ownedgirlie

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Hi Kyra,

In my case, I rely on my Master's knowledge of me and of what he is doing, for my safety. We met online first, and did not meet in person until we were both confident in my trust in him. In the few times he has allowed others to touch me, they have done so under his direction and supervision. I always know I am safe with him.

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RE: Steps to Playing Safely - 9/16/2006 8:04:52 PM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

What steps do you take to safely play with another for BDSM play?

this slave does not play with others unless Master wishes it; however, she knows that Master will take every precaution to ensure the safety of his property.

this slave will skip the others and go straight to this question

quote:

What different steps do you take if you first met the person online or in person?

this slave met Master online, and corresponded for many months before meeting him. Our first meeting, this slave already knew in her heart, soul, and spirit that his ownership was already complete, and meeting in person was only to solidify that ownership. while it may have been fool-hardy, this slave took no extra precautions when meeting Master for the first time. He came to her house and simply claimed what was his

this slave would not encourage most to do the same thing, she knows that safety is of utmost importance; however, with Master, even before that first face to face, she felt safe, and knew within that he would not harm her.

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