Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house?

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Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/10/2005 8:23:56 PM

GordonFreeman

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/10/2005
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Hello,

This is my first post here and I am very pleased to be in the company of such knowledgable people. My question is about the evolution of a dominant woman. Or put another way - is my girlfriend a closet dominant?
I have been with my great gf for just over 4 years now. She is 26 and I am 34. She comes from a nice family that is very positive and female oriented, meaning that in the family and extended family females outnumber males by a great margin, and she has had jobs all her young working life where she is in charge. She is taking more and more control at home, but it has been unspoken and happened slowly over time. She doesn't give orders or discipline me, but over the years she has emerged as the rule maker and I have chosen to follow them. I do the cooking and cleaning and give a lot of oral, but she does a lot to please me too. Behind closed doors it is a more level playing field, although she does a very convincing dominatrix when the mood strikes her. She also does a very sexy slave girl. She has expressed interest in putting me in a chastity belt and trying a strap on, but usually waits for me to introduce any new play things into our activities. In short she seems to be a person who likes being in charge but doesn't seek to dominate. Causing me pain or humilating me doesn't turn her crank (I don't think), but being obedient and doing little things like kneeling and kissing her feet she seems to really like. We are at a point where we need to decide our future together, and I am hoping your collective experiences here can give me glimpse of the future.
Do we sound like an average couple, or do we sound more like a nacsent femdom couple? Do women with latent dominating tendencies become more domineering as they get older, or less, or does it level out at some point? Can I play any meaningful role in either encouraging it in her or checking it? Is dominance and submission a nuture or nature thing?

I apologize for this being so wordy (especially for my first post!) I guess I have been thinking about this for a while, and had no one to ask.
Thanks in advance for any replies.

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/10/2005 10:32:41 PM

nella

Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline

Hi Gordon Freeman

Welcome to CollarMe.com. i am not a Domina but i wish to welcome you none the les and wish you good luck. i hope you will find hapiness in your relationship.

(in reply to GordonFreeman)

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/10/2005 10:34:37 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

Hi GF

It wasnt until I discovered B&D did I learn about domination as a lifestyle. ...learning about it gave Me permission to stand in My Own light to freely identify as a dominant women and not just someone who liked things Her way. It was empowering and the journey of the last 7 - 8 years has been as surreal as it has been uplifting. Have you spoken with your partner about wanting/needing a more formal arrangement with her in charge? If this is too threatening (for want of a better term) suggest a time frame...say three months where you both follow the principles of websites like this one I came across a few days ago http://www.tiedmoments.com/rika/index.htm ... the timeframe would give her the option of opting out of it if she found it too difficult... but going by this site, and My own experiences, it may be you who finds this is more true of you.

Because you mentioned it in your post I will address something about sexual submission as I've found some in the BDSM lifestyle can't seperate sexuality from mindset of been dominant... if she enjoys sexual submission at times ... then as her subservient partner do not feel offended if she seeks this from time to time... she'll still get up from the bed a dominant woman.

Not much else to add but I wish you both luck ;)

Jasmyn

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/11/2005 5:30:24 AM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
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First of all, welcome to Collarme! I am not a domina but wanted to say it sounds like you have a very happy relationship and that is the most important aspect of the whole thing.

You both are evolving into your roles as any couple would. She is discovering her dominant side, but I am sure she has moments she wants to submit. A lot of the times a strong woman in the vanilla world will want to let her hair down, so to speak. You can encourage her to check out the dominant side in a more formal manner, as Jasmyn suggested so well. She may find she really likes that and she will become more dominant, as long as you let her play slave once in awhile.

Good luck and keep us posted.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/11/2005 11:35:51 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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Dear Gordon,
I think chances are very good that she will become more Dominant with time, especially as she becomes older/more comfortable with herself and increases her trust in her ability to lead. If you want to influence things in that direction, you could pick up a book or 2 with those themes/movies to sort of suggest those types of conversations; or you could just leave things alone as it sounds like a good relationship as is. M

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/11/2005 1:46:33 PM

Mytimetoserve

Posts: 26
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

Gordon,
Welcome to the site. This is only my opinion, but it may be a good place to start. I believe by what you described that the chastity belt may be the best thing to begin with. There are several out there, and most will not give either of you the sense of enforced chastity. There is one however that may be what you would like. it is called a tollyboy, and it is moderately expensive by most standards. The advantage of this belt is that it is totally inescapable. It can be worn under male clothing without any detection. It is possible that the feeling she gets of controling you even if she is at work or out for the day will determine just hoe dominating she wants to be. The downside of the belt is that if you're a smart man, you will never, ever piss her off while you are wearing it. It can be one of the meanest forms of punishment you can imagine, especially if you are still in the socalled honeymoon period. I hope this helps, and you can access their website at tollyboyinternational.com. Good luck.

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/11/2005 2:54:57 PM

Moleculor

Posts: 189
Joined: 5/23/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GordonFreeman

HAHAHAHA! Oh dear lord, that's a great choice for a name. Love it!

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/12/2005 11:51:12 AM

GordonFreeman

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/10/2005
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Thanks to all that responded for the thoughtful advice. Leave well enough alone seems to be the leading opinion, and one I agree with myself. My gut on this one is that she eventually will hold the reigns but needs a few more years to realize her power and its potential. I have to admit I would love to steer her towards that end by giving her books and showing her internet resources, but I am too afraid she would follow their domination directions for my sake, instead of her own. We may have a light conversation in the near future, but nothing more than that.

And in case anyone is wondering, GordonFreeman (not suprisingly) is a pseudonym. I think of it as a sobriquet (which it isn't), as it is taken from HalfLife. Molecular has outed me as a nerd (which I am).

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RE: Is there a dominant prognosticator in the house? - 1/12/2005 1:49:19 PM

sweetpleaser

Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
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It takes one to know one.

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

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