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Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 11:39:36 AM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

Ok, I've been pro-domme, to some degree still am, and I am also a lifestyle domme. As a sub, if youc ontact me without specifiying what seek, just offering to serve/submit, and I am not interested in you in a 'lifestyle' role for whatever reason (smoke, age, appearance, attitudes expressed etc.)

Would you rather hear:

Just plain: "I'm sorry, I am not interested"

OR

"I'm sorry, but I do not find your _______ appealling"

OR

"I'm sorry, but I am not interested in you in a lifestyle sense, but if you wished to session as a client, I would consider your submission"?

I'm not against playing with folks two or three times my age, or who are morbidly obese, or who smoke, or whatever, but at that point it really is just work, and I'm not enjoying it on an intimate and sexual level.... is it so wrong to be honest about it? Or should I just blatantly turn them down and NOT give them the option to play with me at all anymore (since I'm no longer in the financial situation I was in before, I don't need the money, but don't want to spend the time "working" on this when I could be "working" at my job unless I think you're smoking hot, or a possible REAL LIFE LTSub/slave) Despite being a Domme, I do NOT like being a bitch.... which way should I go so I hurt the fewest people?

Mizz Spice (demistress)

Post #: 1

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 11:52:22 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Cheers, and welcome to CollarMe.

The problem with the second option, honest as it is, is that it can get personal (and then potentially ugly). When you start saying 'You .....' then it is something that might hurt their feelings. We're not here to hurt the people we don't care about, just the ones we love. Of course, it then could turn into 'I'll change for you, I'll do this and that', but that might have the effect on you of being whiny.

Going with the third approach, which could be interesting and of some value, is probably not very good either. For someone to approach you on a personal level, only to get rejected on that particular level but if their wallet is fat enough (and yes, I am overblowing your response) seems cold.

Which leaves you with something simple (thanks but no thanks) or another option not listed, which is silence. People will complain that they don't get responses to their requests, and it happens to all of us, but it has the singular advantage of not having the opportunity to hurt them inadvertantly.

Best is the first. 'Not interested." "Thanks but no thanks." And of course these would be appropriately fleshed out. But you see what I am saying.

Good luck.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 2

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 12:03:46 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

From a submissive perspective in rejecting people this is how I did it

If the reason was not one which would be insulting... such as they lived too far away, were the wrong orientation for me, perhaps they wanted poly or were not sadists, and even if they were in the wrong age bracket (I mean too young), I might communicate this if they had taken the time to write me a genuine email.

I would not say something like you are too fat, old, ugly, you are a smelly goat... blah blah blah. I tried to be positive in my reply and give a genuine reason. Most of the time I could usually blow them off with "You are not in my area". It does not hurt feelings, and yet it gives them a response.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 9/17/2006 12:04:13 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 3

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 12:40:10 PM

sublizzie

Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline

As a submissive, I'd rather hear "No, but thanks for asking." It also tends to be what I tell Dom/mes who contact me that I am not interested in for one reason or another. (Sometimes because we've already corresponded and they decided against me but 6 months later are contacting me again. Sheesh!)

A problem you might find with #3 choice is that some submissives might consider it a loss-leader situation. There are male submissives who talk about so many Pro-Dommes here. With the third response, they might think that you aren't serious at all and only looking for clients. Don't know for sure if that would happen, but I could see people thinking it.

Just my $.02.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 4

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 12:45:04 PM

michaelGA2

Posts: 1533
Joined: 4/26/2006
Status: offline

personally, if it were clearly stated in Your profile that You are ProDomme, i would not contact you at all. if someone were to hide that information in their profile and pop it back up on me as emails are exchanged, i would be the one to say "not thank You"

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 5

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 1:31:56 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

I imagine if you tried the third response you would probably give people the impression that you're just here to troll for clients. Regardless of the truth of it, that's how some might interpret it.

I tend to go with a nice response telling the person I'm flattered by their interest, but they are too far away, not close enough in age etc.... I've never said anything derogatory about thier looks, body type etc... I think that's the kind of ego blow that's hard to get over.

(in reply to michaelGA2)

Post #: 6

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 1:53:20 PM

stockingluvr54

Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

I think it's great that you will at least give a response of some sort! Keep it simple, short, and to the point but also polite. I don't respond to ads anymore because of the lack of respect? Don't quite understand it....people post an ad hoping for a response but don't have the respect to do the same? Anyways....I appreciate your respect for answering your inquiries....wished all the others would do the same.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 7

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 2:42:13 PM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

I keep it simple ... Thank you for your communication, however, We are not interested. Good luck in your search.

And leave it at that. You've said nothing harmful or insulting.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to stockingluvr54)

Post #: 8

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 3:49:18 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

As a sub my response to someone i was not interested in was thank you for writing but i don't think we are compatiable. As a response from a Dom i am not interested is a bit blunt but at least it is honest and honest is always a good thing.

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 9/17/2006 3:55:15 PM >

(in reply to DivaDuchess)

Post #: 9

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 3:51:19 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

<<"I'm sorry, but I am not interested in you in a lifestyle sense, but if you wished to session as a client, I would consider your submission"? >>

I'd use this.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 10

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 4:01:22 PM

degradess

Posts: 68
Joined: 7/15/2005
Status: offline

I find nothing wrong with the third response as many send me ads looking for long term and I am not at this time looking for a 24/7. As I am also trying to get started as a pro dom myself it saves time by not chatting with those who wouldn't be potential clients. There are, however, those who are hot and I wouldnt' mind have a session for fun/practice. These I might chat with and see if there is a possibility of getting together. The idea of writing an openly insulting reply is just inappropriate and I would not do that unless the sub doesn't give up easily.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 11

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 4:04:08 PM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

Ok, I've been pro-domme, to some degree still am, and I am also a lifestyle domme. As a sub, if youc ontact me without specifiying what seek, just offering to serve/submit, and I am not interested in you in a 'lifestyle' role for whatever reason (smoke, age, appearance, attitudes expressed etc.)

Would you rather hear:

Just plain: "I'm sorry, I am not interested"

OR

"I'm sorry, but I do not find your _______ appealling"

OR

"I'm sorry, but I am not interested in you in a lifestyle sense, but if you wished to session as a client, I would consider your submission"?

I'm not against playing with folks two or three times my age, or who are morbidly obese, or who smoke, or whatever, but at that point it really is just work, and I'm not enjoying it on an intimate and sexual level.... is it so wrong to be honest about it? Or should I just blatantly turn them down and NOT give them the option to play with me at all anymore (since I'm no longer in the financial situation I was in before, I don't need the money, but don't want to spend the time "working" on this when I could be "working" at my job unless I think you're smoking hot, or a possible REAL LIFE LTSub/slave) Despite being a Domme, I do NOT like being a bitch.... which way should I go so I hurt the fewest people?

Mizz Spice (demistress)

this slave would perfer either the first or the last

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 12

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 4:37:36 PM

LASub4Real

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: demistress

Ok, I've been pro-domme, to some degree still am, and I am also a lifestyle domme. As a sub, if youc ontact me without specifiying what seek, just offering to serve/submit, and I am not interested in you in a 'lifestyle' role for whatever reason (smoke, age, appearance, attitudes expressed etc.)

Would you rather hear:

Just plain: "I'm sorry, I am not interested"

OR

"I'm sorry, but I do not find your _______ appealling"

OR

"I'm sorry, but I am not interested in you in a lifestyle sense, but if you wished to session as a client, I would consider your submission"?

Mizz Spice (demistress)

Number three is definately easier on the ego by far. Of course, some people would be offended no matter that you said simply because when you cut awy the cute, they are still being rejected, but there's nothing you can do about that, I suppose.

LAsub

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 13

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 4:50:16 PM

petcerina

Posts: 143
Joined: 4/4/2005
Status: offline

i would definately not use the second one, and most use the first. i personally hate it when i get no reply and would rather have my ego bruised just a tad just so i get a straight response. The third is iffy. Although i can tell that you are kind and offering the session on the nicest of terms, i agree that it does sound a bit like you are after money, even though obviously you are not. i hope this helps.

P.S.- off topic, "OhReallyNow" i love your name on here :)

(in reply to OhReallyNow)

Post #: 14

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 5:05:09 PM

OhReallyNow

Posts: 249
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

P.S.- off topic, "OhReallyNow" i love your name on here :)

/smiles
this slave thanks you kindly

_____________________________

~ When anger rises, think of the consequences
CONFUCIUS ~

(in reply to petcerina)

Post #: 15

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 10:05:02 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

I, myself, would prefer the first option, simply stating that you're not interested. But, this is because I have no interest in profesional domination. Been there, done that, doesn't work for me.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 16

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 10:24:40 PM

angelspassion4u

Posts: 632
Joined: 7/17/2006
From: Angels
Status: offline

I may be a chicken for this, but I would rather not hear back if they are not interested. I know by looking at the sent emails if they read it or not. If they have and did not responed back, then I know they are not interested, and I don't have to read an email rejection. I do try to reply to emails I get, with the automatic thank you that is provided from Collarme, if I am not interested in them. But, if it's a an email from a jerk, I don't responed at all and just delete it.

_____________________________

Recommends books by Victoria Morris through Pink Flamingo publishers.
"You can PLEASE some people some of the time, most people most of the time, but NEVER all the people all of the time."

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 17

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/17/2006 10:27:54 PM

MasterNdorei

Posts: 658
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

If you state in your profile that you are looking for both clients AND a non-client lifestyle partner (or whatever non client relationship you seek) and that unless otherwise stated in their introduction, you will assume they are approaching you professionally, you will know to respond to as a pro to all the people who did not specify.

Just a thought...
Master's dorei

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 18

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/18/2006 4:00:33 AM

maledave777

Posts: 67
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

I would prefer the second one. I know that I would not be a match for most Mistresses or Dommes. I know that I would be a good match for one dominant woman. I do appreciate it, when they sent me a reply. Many have turned me down but have given me encouraging words not to give up on my search. I do the same for them. When I received a message from a dominant woman and I read her message. I will always send her a reply even if I feel we are not a good match.

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 19

RE: Question: Which would you rather hear? - 9/18/2006 3:26:53 PM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

Thanks, I borrowed this, and updated my profile once again. I have had a large # of subs come session who were glad for the opportunity to see a "real" domme as opposed to a bossy hooker who didn't know how to spank or paddle or whip properly. I guess I want it both ways... I am a lifestyler, but I also love to bring satisfaction to any 'cool' people. right now I just can't afford to take the time off to do it for everyone who asks...... ahh well, thanks EVERYONE for the feedback, I appreciate it, half of me was scared I was going to get nothing but I would never talk to a pro-domme, or hater responses. I am really grateful for the insight given here.

Mizz Heather

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterNdorei

If you state in your profile that you are looking for both clients AND a non-client lifestyle partner (or whatever non client relationship you seek) and that unless otherwise stated in their introduction, you will assume they are approaching you professionally, you will know to respond to as a pro to all the people who did not specify.

Just a thought...
Master's dorei

(in reply to MasterNdorei)

Post #: 20

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