CreoleCook
Posts: 321
Joined: 10/9/2005
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The Thermodynamics of Hell
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington
Chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that
the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is (of
course) why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
(gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following: "First, we need to know how
the mass of Hell is changing in time, so we need to know the rate that
souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that
we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because
Boyle's Law states that in order for the Temperature and pressure in Hell to
stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as
souls are added.
This yields two possibilities:
1.) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will continue to
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2.) If the volume of Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of the volume of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure
will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
Bayman during my Freshman year, that "... it will be a cold day in Hell
before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have
not succeeded in having an affair with her, then #2 above cannot be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
_____________________________
"If I owned Texas, and Hell, I would rent out Texas, and live in Hell." ~Gen. John Sheridan, 1855
"I was thinking of the immortal words of socrates, who said, 'I drank what?'" ~Chris Knight, Real Genius
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