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Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 1:16:43 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

It's really disturbing that we've had, in the past 2 weeks, a few really hostile individuals who've chosen to angrily participate in the Mistress forums. Sadly, this is what seems to lurk in the shadows on boards and sites where some of us hope to find likeminded individuals for socialization, play or more. Dare I say that this sort of individual is predatory (or at least feels like it according to some of the threats that one of them has made this week) and might lure a dominant woman into meeting him to vent his spleen (or more) at her in person. Is this the only place for them to vent in their lives? So ladies, do you worry about this sort of hostility and "outburst" behavior when you're screening someone and meeting a new person? Any experiences you care to share?

(edited because I can't spell at 4am)

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 9/18/2006 1:18:28 AM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

Post #: 1

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 1:30:50 AM

mam

Posts: 54
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline

It is certainly an eye-opening experience. And it gives me a new appreciation for the forums. What better way to discover if the one you have been chatting with is who you think he is? Always check to see if they have posted.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 2

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 2:29:05 AM

lunamor

Posts: 52
Joined: 6/9/2005
Status: offline

I called my domly safeword, I'm not engaging with haters.

But yes, it is easy to imagine hateful ranters morphing into hateful stalkers.
I hope it won't ever be so.

(in reply to mam)

Post #: 3

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 2:31:59 AM

MistressMaamNH

Posts: 211
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline

I have found that it does not take long for this type of venomous person to show their true colors during the screening process. Typically it comes within a very short time, such as the first time you tell them you are not interested in a particular activity, or won't call them immediately, or some other simple thing. The anger and hatred that festers inside them, cannot be held at bay for very long. One of the very reasons why I make it a policy to converse with someone for at least a month or so before ever arranging a public first meeting. Those who are looking for an easy target cannot wait so long to cast their venom.

MMNH

_____________________________

Let Me lay you softly, down onto the thorns...

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 4

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 3:03:53 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMaamNH

I have found that it does not take long for this type of venomous person to show their true colors during the screening process. Typically it comes within a very short time, such as the first time you tell them you are not interested in a particular activity, or won't call them immediately, or some other simple thing. The anger and hatred that festers inside them, cannot be held at bay for very long. One of the very reasons why I make it a policy to converse with someone for at least a month or so before ever arranging a public first meeting. Those who are looking for an easy target cannot wait so long to cast their venom.

MMNH

*smiles* That's absolutely the truth. Unless they're truly a neurotic, they'll pop their cork soon on into a conversation like that -- even if unprovoked. And if they are a total nutter, they might just sit on it just for the sake of the "kill".

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to MistressMaamNH)

Post #: 5

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 3:15:16 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings to all

this is so true i wrote about the 46 letters i got in one day then they were so nice then when i did not llike what he did i was a bitch and a lol none real domme it scary maam i do the same i wait to meet someone i talk for a long time if they do no tlike it d=too bad it scary great post pandora it helps many of the new ones thanks

mons

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 6

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 5:10:47 AM

LadyBeckett

Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline

It has been My observation that the "type" seems to follow a pattern. They generally start out with everything that they expect from the relationship and/or what they experienced (their preferences) in their last relationship, which notably ended. Language is everything in the screening process, and if something (or several things) don't feel right I generally end the communications on as positive note as possible.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMaamNH

I have found that it does not take long for this type of venomous person to show their true colors during the screening process. Typically it comes within a very short time, such as the first time you tell them you are not interested in a particular activity, or won't call them immediately, or some other simple thing. The anger and hatred that festers inside them, cannot be held at bay for very long. One of the very reasons why I make it a policy to converse with someone for at least a month or so before ever arranging a public first meeting. Those who are looking for an easy target cannot wait so long to cast their venom.

MMNH

So very true! I wouldn't have said "anger and hatred", but whatever the inspiration for their outbursts at being disqualified, I question the validity of their "natural" submission.

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 7

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 5:21:28 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMaamNH

I have found that it does not take long for this type of venomous person to show their true colors during the screening process. Typically it comes within a very short time, such as the first time you tell them you are not interested in a particular activity, or won't call them immediately, or some other simple thing. The anger and hatred that festers inside them, cannot be held at bay for very long. One of the very reasons why I make it a policy to converse with someone for at least a month or so before ever arranging a public first meeting. Those who are looking for an easy target cannot wait so long to cast their venom.

MMNH

I agree completely with this. It doesn't take long before they show their true colors and it almost always coincides with me stating I won't do something they want or if I politely tell them there is not a match here. The hostility that spews forth makes me [sarcasm] really regret making a decision not to pursue it further or to meet with them[/sarcasm]. I also always meet in a public place the first time and have a pretty good radar for the crazies. Even if I can't put my finger on it, if it feels off I don't go there.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MistressMaamNH)

Post #: 8

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 5:27:20 AM

WhiteRadiance

Posts: 247
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I can honestly say that I have met several subs from this site and all are gentlemen. I rarely get a negative email. But I am very methodical and SLOW about getting to know them, and if they are impatient or pushy I rule them out.

But- in the back of my mind- there is always that thought. Some men hate women and they especially hate powerful women. Everyone should have a safe call- find out who they are and get references, etc.

_____________________________

Staci

The drop of rain makes a hole in a stone not by violence, but by often falling.

(in reply to LadyBeckett)

Post #: 9

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 6:16:02 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora
So ladies, do you worry about this sort of hostility and "outburst" behavior when you're screening someone and meeting a new person? Any experiences you care to share?

I don't worry about outbursts generally. I am fairly easygoing and willing to talk with and meet someone quickly, but I always get a feel for the person (during chat, phone, or face to face first public meeting), and have never been mislead by trusting my instincts (since learning to trust them that is). I also have brothers living near, and so don't worry too much beyond that.

If a person is angry with life/women, it shows up in small bits in conversation on the phone or in first meeting, and we simply never move beyond public meeting if I get an uneasy feeling. I suppose I would be more lenient if I were looking for play partners without the expectation of him also being my lover, but for the type of relationship I seek, I need to feel at ease/trust him around me. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 10

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 7:53:05 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

Pandora,

Tact is not in many people's vocabulary and sometimes it is simply a matter of perception.What is tactful in my eyes may not be in your eyes.

If a submissive or slave contacts me on CM typically one of the first things I will do is see if they are involved in the forums. If they are I will read some of their posts to try and gain some insite.

Some topics naturally inflame public or personal opinion and often cause heated debates. I don't even mind sarcasm colorful or dry. What I do not accept is the idea that someone simply lashes out. Most who have this tendensy will do so the first time they disagree or simply don't get their way. At that point I wont argue, I wont punish you, I wont give you negative attention, or any attention at all. I will simply walk away.

Life is to short and it takes far to much energy to deal with someone like that.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 11

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 8:09:48 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressMaamNH

I have found that it does not take long for this type of venomous person to show their true colors during the screening process. Typically it comes within a very short time, such as the first time you tell them you are not interested in a particular activity, or won't call them immediately, or some other simple thing. The anger and hatred that festers inside them, cannot be held at bay for very long. One of the very reasons why I make it a policy to converse with someone for at least a month or so before ever arranging a public first meeting. Those who are looking for an easy target cannot wait so long to cast their venom.

MMNH

I agree 100% though I have no interest in a male. There are some freaky women running around out there also. (remembering one that was WAYYY too interested in my horses..........cringing

)

I have never been in a rush to give out too much personal information or meet people from the net. It generally doesn't take very long before you start to get those little, back of the brain, tickles that warn of impending doom. And I LISTEN!! I would much rather miss out on something/someone that had potential than deal with a freak wrecking havoc in my personal life.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MistressMaamNH)

Post #: 12

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 8:14:47 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear MisPandora, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I wish I could say that these rashes of ugly tirades by a few folks is due in part to a full moon however, I have had several incidents where individuals were a powder-keg waiting to explode.

Most times they are men. It seems they are women haters and, I would imagine our male peers may have encountered the same similar situations. Regardless, it is not a comfortable feeling when you have an individual, such as the documented threat on another forum, especially if they have the 'intent' and the 'means' to make it happen.

I think you, Pandora, are one who has to be surrounded by good friends and protectors, as such characters who are bold enough to make threats or veiled threats, can indeed become a potential threat.
Knowing you have been a title holder, that you're traveling and exposing yourself to individuals that require help beyond all of our skills. It is one reason why I prefer to be in the background and not a target at times.

When there are such rude and crude sort of rantings and such, I find it wise to see that what they see in others, they see in themselves. That is the only way to see the weakness in the one who attacks for the sake of attacking. Most times it is out of envy or insecurity.

Why such 'submissive' men [cough, spudders and recovers] who with the intent, the malice and the violent tirades target female dominants, is due for their own reasons. Such men and or women do show their true colors soon enough. It is those quiet, sneaky, manipulating and calculating sort that pose more of a threat to others then the loud ones, in my humble opinion.

What I do find most entertaining in a funny way, is that some of these individuals that create a ugly exchange on forums/postings have many characters and screen names, to which they can hold a total conversation with themselves. It is sometimes interesting to see flaws, such as common spelling and or grammar errors. Most times, this happens the individuals soon crawl back into another character and wait to pounce after providing the bait.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 13

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 11:01:00 AM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

It's been this kind of rash of negative forum posts that's caused me to take a step back and post very sparingly at most. I'm not exactly sure what's been going on with these boards, but they've turned somewhat hostile. It also continues into personal messages where I've had male doms I've never heard of before tell me I'm full of crap and need to learn a little more about being a submissive before I start putting out my perspective. If I respond that I'm quite fine with my level of understanding and thank you, they flame me relentlessly. If I don't respond, they flame me relentlessly. Yeah, I put them on ignore, but this is a part of the atmosphere I'm not used to here. I get the impression this is not the same kind of feral response that the dommes are getting here as I don't often fit in with the norm of posters.

But it's caused me to be much less upfront about offering advice or joining in on the discussions.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 14

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 11:21:44 AM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

I don't think that Dommes are by any means the ONLY ones who get this reaction in the forums, emails, or conversations.

EVERYONE who is online and involved in any forum for any real period of times is faced with it and learn to deal with it in the way that suites them. Some leave, some lash back, some simply walk away ignoring them, some try and fix the one lashing out.

I personally don't understand when someone stops interacting because of this behavior, in doing so in my eyes you are giving up power and control to a perfect staranger.

At the same time if someone is craving attention and you give them negative attention the will continue to do what they are doing because they are getting attention from you. Why not simply ignore the behavior and move on?

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 15

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 12:28:47 PM

Kahri

Posts: 70
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens every where on the web. Any board on any topic will eventually attract someone like this. Typically I ignore them, though every now and then I can't resist a sarcastic response.

As far as people I meet, as has been said by others, this kind of person outs themself very quick. I don't give the benefit of the doubt if something strikes me as peculiar. There are just too many other men in the world for me to waste my time trying to decide if what made me uncomfortable is just social awkwardness or if it is really something to worry about.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)

Post #: 16

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 2:22:16 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I think in general alot of people feel that online public forums is the place to show their asses. For some reason a public forum is like a license to verbally attack others who may not agree with your belief. I know I've voiced my opinion in other open forums on this site only to be treated very rudely, to which I of course respond back rudely. Because basically Lashra don't play that.
I feel if a certain person or group doesn't like what I have to say, put me on block or ask the mods to password protect their forum and they won't have to worry about opinionated people like myself placing opinions on *their* boards. But you had better believe that they do come onto the Mistress forum and place their opinions here or they send private messages to some Mistresses about how they can make us into *real* women. What a joke!

Unfortunately I have been to several forums and this happens on every single one of them, going back again to what I said about the *license* to verbally attack others. But there is hope as I have said, block can be a person's best friend and I don't hestitate to use it for those pests that I feel need silencing.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to Kahri)

Post #: 17

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 3:02:01 PM

ricar00

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline

<<<I have found that it does not take long for this type of venomous person to show their true colors during the screening process. Typically it comes within a very short time, such as the first time you tell them you are not interested in a particular activity, or won't call them immediately, or some other simple thing... >>>

I am new to the discussion groups, so i hope this goes okay. I think a lot of males, especially, are desperate to find someone to either fulfil their fantasies or satisfy their needs. So when someone has the possibility of satisfying what they need, but don't go along or says no, etc their anger erupts. i don't believe it has to do with finding a target or purposely trying to be abusive or mean.
At the same time, i am not condoning the behavior and think patience and control and respect are deserved.
ricar00

Not vanilla, but don't know how to change the heading

< Message edited by ricar00 -- 9/18/2006 3:03:03 PM >

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 18

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 3:07:45 PM

Phoenixandnika

Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline

ricara,
The vanilla cone will disappear after you have posted a certain amount on the forums.

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."

(in reply to ricar00)

Post #: 19

RE: Going nuts on a forum.... - 9/18/2006 5:17:33 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

The only rant I've seen here was the one by Naughty Nick. Even though I thought there was a basis to his rants, to some degree I thought he had adopted a defeatist attitude.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 20

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