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Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/19/2006 7:28:42 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are
traveling through Europe in their car. They get to
Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps
onto the hood of the car and hisses through the
windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine.
"What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of
the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Catherine
switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he
clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What
shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with
Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister
Catherine turns on the windshield washer. Dracula
screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on
and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine? "Show him your
cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says
Sister Catherine. She opens the window and shouts,

"Get the fuck off the car!"

Ross

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/19/2006 8:03:02 AM

Saratov

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That might work, but I've heard, if either of them gets out a ruler..... RRUUUUUUNNNNNN, far and fast alll the while appologising.

Any of you catholic school survivers want to confirm or correct that? (without a ruler)

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/19/2006 3:11:16 PM

CreoleCook

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I will back up that statement by Saratov. Down right sadistic, and damned good at it, too! Across the knuckles with the metal edged ruler... I shudder just thinking back...

CC

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/21/2006 7:39:56 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Saratov

That might work, but I've heard, if either of them gets out a ruler..... RRUUUUUUNNNNNN, far and fast alll the while appologising.
Any of you catholic school survivers want to confirm or correct that? (without a ruler)

I am thinking of incorporating the joke reading along with corner time after spanking. ;)

And for when the bottom of My choice does not respond while in the corner thinking of wayward behaviour I will be forced to try a little Pavlovian approach by scraping My fingernails down a chalk blackboard. ;)

Then perhaps followed up by by the all important school yardstick.

I happened to notice that home depot paint department has a heavy old time yardstick for sale for ninety nine cents.

I asked in the garden department for the electric fly swatter someone mentioned by they just looked at Me funny and laughed.

An on line search of home depot resulted in nada.

So a bad home depot joke true but funny:

A woman heard that Home Depot was the best place to find good looking men on a whim whilst not resorting to bars.

So she walks in and approaches the first guy she sees for help and says:
" I've been drinking all day and I was just wondering where I can get nailed...I mean get some nails" ;)

No problem with her sucess rate so far ;)

Ross
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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/21/2006 8:47:14 AM

Saratov

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I have several of those fly(subbie)swatters, I got them to sell to members of a group I used to belong to.

Already pm'd you about them.

I know your sub(s) will appreciate it.

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/21/2006 2:23:32 PM

SirDiscipliner69

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreoleCook

I will back up that statement by Saratov. Down right sadistic, and damned good at it, too! Across the knuckles with the metal edged ruler... I shudder just thinking back...

CC

The NUN

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you"

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything.

I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: ..1, you have to be single and ..2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Ross

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/21/2006 7:19:00 PM

Craftsman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

<Major snippage for brevity>
I happened to notice that home depot paint department has a heavy old time yardstick for sale for ninety nine cents.

I asked in the garden department for the electric fly swatter someone mentioned by they just looked at Me funny and laughed.

An on line search of home depot resulted in nada.

<more major snippage for brevity>
Try Harbor Freight Tools:
http://www.harborfreight.com/
Try this Item Number:
40122-5VGA
That yields an electronic fly swatter:
DC charge kills bugs instantly indoors or outdoors. Durable poly construction. Uses two D batteries (sold separately.)

Convenient on/off switch

19-1/8'' long, 7-1/4'' wide

Indoor/outdoor use, great for camping

ITEM 40122-5VGA
$7.99 Regular Price
$2.99 On Sale right now

< Message edited by Craftsman -- 9/21/2006 7:20:05 PM >

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/21/2006 7:21:06 PM

mnottertail

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WTF? Ain't you pushing Sears; Mr. Vila?

LMCAO,
Ron

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/22/2006 2:51:51 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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So this is the item people use for spanking?

Ross

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/22/2006 3:27:40 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Craftsman
Try this Item Number: 40122-5VGA That yields an electronic fly swatter:

It would be nice to use them for spanking like you would with a paddle and then "ignite" the electronic aspect to it. :) So how much of a buzz do these things give off? I remember as a kid how disappointed I was to find that the electric handshake you could buy thu the comic books was nothing but a windup spring that made a ratcheting sound when a button was applied pressure to via the "victim's" palm during a handshake. Ross

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/23/2006 2:59:23 PM

Craftsman

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

quote:

ORIGINAL: Craftsman
Try this Item Number: 40122-5VGA That yields an electronic fly swatter:

It would be nice to use them for spanking like you would with a paddle and then "ignite" the electronic aspect to it. :) So how much of a buzz do these things give off? I remember as a kid how disappointed I was to find that the electric handshake you could buy thu the comic books was nothing but a windup spring that made a ratcheting sound when a button was applied pressure to via the "victim's" palm during a handshake. Ross

I don't know what the voltage on the Harbor Freight unit is, but these seem to run in the 1,500 volt range. The current is very low, since what has to happen is the 3 volts from the two D cells has to be bumped up by a multivibrator circuit into a capacitor. While a huge capacitor would cause some significant problems (such as cremated skin at point of contact), the handle of these gadgets probably would not hold a capacitor large enough to do much damage. It could quite likely give a pretty sharp bite, though.

Any nice subs out there that would offer their buns for a scientific exploration of this?

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/23/2006 7:58:01 PM

Saratov

Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Craftsman
Try this Item Number: 40122-5VGA That yields an electronic fly swatter:

I don't know what the voltage on the Harbor Freight unit is, but these seem to run in the 1,500 volt range. The current is very low, since what has to happen is the 3 volts from the two D cells has to be bumped up by a multivibrator circuit into a capacitor. While a huge capacitor would cause some significant problems (such as cremated skin at point of contact), the handle of these gadgets probably would not hold a capacitor large enough to do much damage. It could quite likely give a pretty sharp bite, though.

Any nice subs out there that would offer their buns for a scientific exploration of this?

Two 'D' cells? They must be kinda heavy and big. The ones I have use 2AA's. They still let ya know if the current is on when it touches ya though.

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RE: Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are - 9/25/2006 2:49:04 AM

justanotheclaire

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I have touched one of these bats and i wont touch one again so lightly very unplesant lol

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