LotusSong
Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
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One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in avery Sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything youwant." So he tied her up and went golfing. ***************** *********************************A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran intothe house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff ormountainstuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."************************************************* Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, andthe other is a husband. ************************************************** A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked."Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ************************************************** Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "Imust tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay." **************************************************A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURNTHEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE arewe going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!Careful CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listento me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hu rry up!Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.You know you always forget to salt them Use the salt.USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show youwhat it feels like when I'm driving." ************************************************** Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strapThe Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
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