I need some Advice Please

I need some Advice Please (Full Version)

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cherishableslave -> I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:36:55 AM)
Ok my Master and i have been discussing about playing with this couple, and i have talked with the Dom of that couple. He had told me what he would like to happen, he said he wanted to choke me until i am unconscious. He said he has the skill and a quick brisk slap would bring me back, i said that is fine. Then i thought about it and it seems kind of scary to me. i told my Master and he said that is not going to happen that he will talk with him, and i told the Dom this morning that it wasn't going to happen. Was i in the right place to tell the Dom that? Did i cross the line?

Lorelei115 -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:41:43 AM)
Well if your Master said that he would talk with him, it might have been polite to wait until he did so. By telling the Dom yourself, it might appear to your Master as though you don't trust him to take care of your safety. If you really DON'T trust him to take care of your safety, then that is an entirely different issue, which you need to resolve.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:43:06 AM)
When you’re making plans that involve intense activities with four people, it’s never cool for one person to give the “OK” on any specific thing for everyone- specially when you aren’t the person who has any authority in your own relationship. Breath play is a very risky and edgy play, and not something you just agree to do on the first date with a guy who wants to take you all the way to being unconscious. A first time foursome is intense enough on its own, there’s plenty of time to get into the high risk stuff later.

andal -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:43:48 AM)
Nope. Ultimately, YOU are responsible for your own personal safety. If you have done breath play before and know the risks, and still choose to do it that is one thing, but since you HAVEN'T done it before, discussing your fears with YOUR Master are entirely appropriate. Plus, anyone who says "a quick, brisk slap will bring you right back" doesn't know what they are talking about. People DIE in breath play. Not many, but is that a risk you want to take? Plus there is evidence that permanent brain damage can occur even the first time it is done. I'm sure LA will be by with her handy list of links on the risks of breath play, I'd pass them along to your Master so he can understand the risks inherent in this activity. It's HIS responsibility to ensure that any activities that are done to you are safe. Good luck whatever you decide, and if you ARE interested in breath play, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE research it and make sure you understand ALL the risks involved before starting.

cherishableslave -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:43:51 AM)
i trust Him with my life, itsn't that, i just wanted to get it taken care of, because the Dom was kind of surprised that i told my Master.

Aubre -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:45:45 AM)
If you don't want to do breath play by all means you should make it clear to everyone you are playing with IMO.

Lorelei115 -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:46:12 AM)
If the Dom was surprised that you discussed something to do with your personal safety with your Master... you probably shouldnt be seeing him anyway?

cherishableslave -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 8:50:23 AM)
Yes i admit i wanted to do it at first but then i thought about it and it would be kind of scary i told my Master about it and He said Hell NO, and i when i told the Dom this he said to clarify you wanted to be choked and i told him i know that then i told him i thought about it and it be really scary, and he said very well, and said good luck and signed out

Lorelei115 -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 9:22:10 AM)
A hah! Now I understand. No, its nothing to do with you, and no "line" you crossed by talking to your Master. The Dom is just being petulant becuase you have had second thoughts about his kink. As you have every right to have. Breath play IS scary, and if the Dom cannot accept that you might have had second thoughts, you really should not be seeing him anyway. This is YOUR safety, after all.

mstrjx -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 9:35:17 AM)
I have found that in the situations where there was going to be one or more Dom/me involved with one or more sub/slave, that the dominants would confer amongst themselves. In this case, YOUR master would speak to you about what is likely to happen and the two of you decide by whatever method you choose within your relationship. Then, it's back for the dominants involved to negotiate. If you need to be back in the loop, then again it is your dominant that speaks to you about this. It's a simple chain of command. Jeff

NastyDaddy -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 10:14:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cherishableslave Yes i admit i wanted to do it at first but then i thought about it and it would be kind of scary i told my Master about it and He said Hell NO, and i when i told the Dom this he said to clarify you wanted to be choked and i told him i know that then i told him i thought about it and it be really scary, and he said very well, and said good luck and signed out Unless your master is someone besides the male submissive listed by that name, it looks kinda like nobody knows what anybody wants. In his journal he states he has collared a female sub, yet you claim to be a female slave. Is this "instant bdsm"... it sure looks like "instant". It looks like this involves way more than mere "petulance" of a Dom over your flip-flopping impulsiveness. If you are a female slave collared to a male sub as it appears, and you both are seeking a dom couple then I would suggest taking things a lot slower, especially after I read your journal entries. The collar came just weeks ago, during the twelve steps program you are involved in, and immediately you seek poly play with a dom couple.... that's moving pretty fast, actually that's hauling ass! To say now you trust your sub male master with your life is a very questionable conclusion to have happened so recently and so fast and furious. Somebody needs to slow themselves down a few hundred miles an hour. I'd say there are many more things you need to consider first and foremost... for one, "impulsiveness" is a highway to hell in a hurry if not addressed and controlled by the impulsive person within themselves. Finding a dominant in a submissive is your perogative but it also has red flags painted all over it if you slow down long enough to smell the roses. Does anybody know what you want today yet? It's amusing how your own impulsiveness and indecision have been twisted into slams on a Dom who apparently knows what he wants.... despite the fact you flop around like a fish out of water and consult with your male sub owner who you profess to trusting your life to. It certainly seems to me that the wrong Dom took the slam dunk advice from those "understanding" your situation. The decisions you have made will also play a big role in your safety and your well being, so once again I highly recommend slowing down. Who's on first... does anybody really know what day it is... or where they actually are... which direction to run next to get back to home plate?

PlayfulOne -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 10:15:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lorelei115 If the Dom was surprised that you discussed something to do with your personal safety with your Master... you probably shouldnt be seeing him anyway? Exactly, When we choose to play with others the Dominants are the ones who discuss the details. I am responsible for her safety and well being. I don't know how your Master feels, but if I had told my little one I was going to handle something and then she took it upon herself to do it, there would be a "discussion" about it. Maybe you should have just told him he needed to talk with your Master. K

Lorelei115 -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 10:47:14 AM)
Yup. You have a point. I apologize if I "slammed" the wrong Dom, I was taking the posts at face value. Now that the back story is researched, it does seem to be a more complicated situation than it first appears. Lesson learned. Think before you type. Thanks!

cherishableslave -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 11:36:14 AM)
i would like to add that my Master has 2 years Domming experience, he was a sub a long time ago, He isn't anymore, also i have been with Him for 2 months now, and He is the best Master i have ever had.

raiken -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 11:48:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cherishableslave i told my Master and he said that is not going to happen that he will talk with him, and i told the Dom this morning that it wasn't going to happen. Was i in the right place to tell the Dom that? Did i cross the line? Two things come to mind. First if you had permission to do so from your Master, than it is fine. However, if you didn't you will have to deal with the actions your Master deems fit for correction, or your Master may choose to forgive you this time, knowing the type of person you are, and depending on his personality, and the nature of your connection, etc. The other thing is, that this is sometimes looked upon by other Dominants as making your Master look like you are the one in charge instead of him. Your master, depending on his level of confidence and security, may not be affected in the slightest, or he may feel that you crossed the line and cares about how this looked to the other dominant. In situations of this nature, it would be better to trust your Master to do what he said and step back and let him handle it.

Lashra -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 12:08:00 PM)
He was surprised that you told your Master? Does he think that you keep secrets from your Master? Hmmm red flag there, anyways. Breathplay is dangerous of this I am sure that you know and if your not into it I dont understand why you told the Master yes that you would comply. Before doing a scene with someone new always make sure they know what your LIMITS are and if they aren't accepting of them, politely tell them you will not be included in the scene. Also I feel that the Masters should be talking to each other and yours should be sure that this other guy is trustworthy and knows your limits. Also your Master should be present at all times to make sure that those limits are ahered too. No I don't think you overstepped the line, you just relayed to that Master what yours had already decided. ~Lashra

ayasha -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 10:59:22 PM)
one thinks that it was up to your Master and the Dom of the other couple to discuss what they wanted to do, discuss limits, and come to an agreement. As you are owned, why wasn't your Master talking to the other Dom either with you, or instead of you? Why did you agree to something before discussing it with your Master? Why, after your Master said He would handle it, did you take it upon yourself to continue discussing it with this Dom?

Estring -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/20/2006 11:40:38 PM)
Sometimes a post has disaster written all over it.

mons -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/21/2006 1:52:36 AM)
greeting dear your are so right to tell him he want to choke you and then slap you awake oh wow he is nuts your right to tell you master i see he looks out for you and is not just looking for his oh pleasure i am glad you staying aaway from this master he is wrong mons take care

StacyCat -> RE: I need some Advice Please (9/21/2006 2:00:09 PM)
OKay, not even getting into all the Dom./Master Drama. You want to be choked until you pass out. A "quick slap" may or may not bring you out of unconsciousness. You say you trust him with your life. Have you asked him what he will do if you die? Will you be okay in the scene knowing that you may cause someone else to suffer for murder? Im not saying all breathe play is bad (and I enjoy a little of it) but any time you start flirting with unconsciousness, you have a much higher probability of dying.

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