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mkmePainscanvas -> RE: Telling family (9/20/2006 3:41:24 PM)
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Angelwingrazor,
the only thing that I can add to what has already been said here is what my experiences with this have been on these two important issues, from both sides of the fence. Fortunately, my family in all of its weird different little ways, is a very accepting and understanding and supportive family. My self, sister, and brother have made it our mission to heal and keep together the family that our ancestors let crumble for all of the old fashioned, backward thinking, selfish, sick reasons that seperated our aunts and uncles and families. We do this as a nurturing safe place not just for ourselves but for our future generations. People and children grow best in an atmosphere of accepance and unconditional love tempered with respect for self and each other. First, let me say that I have been in the bdsm life for over 20 years as a submissive, and as of late I have moved on to a deeply comited slave relationship. Second, I had and raised alone for nearly 30 years, my 4 children. All are adults now. Each in his/her own way have taken the testing of my ability to flex and accept to depths and hights that I never expected. One is gay, one is married to a lady my age, one is Muslim(i'm jewish), one is cute and sweet but twisted. There is nothing that any of them could ever do or become that would make me turn from them and not be their mom. If it could, it would have happen during puberty. I won't tell them that they are right when they are not. I don't harbor any illusions or fantasies about who or what they are. They are my children, my flesh and blood, my life, my past, my present, and a huge part of my future. Our home was always loving and accepting. I had/have close gay friends, and race, religion, age, were never things that my children saw me judge people on. We believe that you judge a person on their integraty and ethics. There were always bdsm freindly references and decorations or jewelry in the home environment. In his teens, one of my sons gave me a poster from a Schwinn bicycle ad. It was a shot of a nicely equipt dungeon wall with a mountain bike hanging in the center. The caption said "Ah, lifes little pleasures." Now this boy knew his mom, without a doubt. I still have that poster. When my children were finally adults, I decided to pursue a Master/slave relationship because now my life is free enough to dedicate myself that fully. And yes, they know. As do the rest of my family and freinds, parents and grandparents have passed on. I have had deep long discussions with a couple of members of the family to help them understand the reasons for my choices and to help them better understand the nature of the life itself. I wanted them to understand that Sadisim and Compasion can and do exist in some people. I do this soley for their comfort level and piece of mind. The fact that my first Doms and Dommes that trained me early on were buisness and medical professionals gave my sister in law a whole new perspective. I let any Man/Master/Dom/Sir that is interested in me know imeadiately of this relationship with my family. I explain my dating protocal right from the start. I do this to accomplish two things. For one I want the person who is considering me to know exactly how deep my ability to comit to someone and how open I will be with them is. I am so happy to say that the people that I have met that were serious had no problem with it. Its almost a way to tell the players and hng's from the real life bdsm people. Another reason I am so insistant about safety is because i don't ever want anyone that I love and cherish to get that phone call, to come identify a body, that no one should ever have to get. This is the only way that I know of to give them piece of mind. Plus, I have stood with and behind each and every one of them in their hours of questionable acceptability over the decades. Now its my turn and, yes, I do expect the same in return. Someone can tell you speak the truth and let the cards fall where they may. Or they can tell you that other peoples opinions don't matter and its not their buisness. In my mind, if you love someone and value them, and they love you, it is their buisness and yours too. Orcourse this is all easy for me to say. I come from a place that is known for its less than conservative natural environment. We have been known for our live and let live and cast your cares to the wind, party, celebrate life, attitude. And I would not change any of it; except the crooked politicians. I don't know you or your dad. Its my guess, depending on his age and upbringing, that his inability to accept your choices may very well be because he feels like he failed you someplace as a man and a father. That there is some direction he did not lead you in that you needed. Its just a guess. My hugs and praises to your mom. My daughter never appreshated me so much until she realized that she was gay( after a failed marriage and two kids), and could proudly tell anyone in that lifestyle that would listen. " My mama loves me, she is not going anywhere." And know in her heart of hearts it is true. Whats important to me is that my childrens relationships are healthy, happy, nurturing, and positive. Can anyone ask more for their child, parent, loved one. Your loved ones who accept and understand are to ones who matter. The others, I'm sad to say, its their loss. But I will say, we never know what the future will bring. And no matter what his family members say, always extend the olive branch to your dad, and always make sure that he knows that you are open to him at any time, and that you love him and he matters. As he hears and sees you happy, safe, doing well, and loved sincerely, it may move his heart in a more positive direction. As long as you both live, the possibility for understanding and change exists. Death is the only true unbeatable adversary. But, that has always been my philosophy on life. Its yet to prove me wrong. Sorry that this is so wordy. I hope that some of it helped. My best wishes and hopes for good luck in your future and relationship.
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