Suleiman
Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
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This actually has to do with another of your posts, match2u, but I think it applies more to this topic. You were asking about safewords, and when to use "RED", the almighty safeword of "stop the scene I'm getting out of here"
The reason we use safewords is because we are roleplaying a fantasy. We pretend to rape, we pretend to torture. The acts are real, but only because the person being raped or tortured has agreed to let it happen. We have safewords because saying "stop" or "don't do that" or "somebody help me please" is part of the fantasy. Much of the time, a cry for help will be ignored or greeted with some taunt or another, which is why most of the people I know will beat a dominant bloody even on the suspicion that he or she ignored a safeword.
What I'm talking about is consent. You consent to be a slave. More to the point, you are pretending to be a slave. No matter how real it seems, no matter how much your dominant tries to convince you that everything that happens during your play time together is real, you are just pretending.
If the pretend ever gets to be too much, do what any six year old child will do. Pick yourself up, say that this isn't fun any more, you're not playing, and take yourself home. It's just another way to use your safeword.
Like using "RED" in a scene, you should not do this lightly. In the old days, when I was a kid and just learning about this stuff, a slave leaving their master or mistress was thought of like a divorce. In a lot of communities, the whole clique, tops and bottoms alike, might intervene to help the couple work out their differences. Nowadays, of course, it really depends on where you are and whether you are even involved in a local community.
I have heard any number of masters saying that a slave can not break off the master/slave relationship. That's really just them playing pretend. You pretend to be a slave, they pretend to be a master. If they can not make the jump back into the real world where you and they are both just people, you might want to steer clear of them. Some folks just aren't stable.
A lot of people talk about "SSC", which stands for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Most people understand Safe. These are risky games, and you should know what you're doing before diving into the deep end of the pool. A lot of people understand Consensual. They get the idea of safewords, even if they don't use them themselves. I find that a lot of people forget about the Sane part. This is what I'm talking about, sanity. If you forget that it's all just pretend, you start to lose your grip on sanity, and when that happens it is easy to forget about the safe and consensual parts, too.
There's a fine line between the games we play and actual abuse. A lot of us like to get as close to that edge as we can before jumping off. I still have cuts in my toes from getting right up to the razor's edge. But you have to know when to pull back, you have to know when to stop. Some times, you have to know when to get out, as well. That's when you say "RED", and that's when you leave.
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Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.
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