learning to let go and just feel

learning to let go and just feel (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

liljoy -> learning to let go and just feel (9/21/2006 10:46:08 PM)
my life has taught me to keep a tight rein on my feelings and reactions. Now i need to learn to be able to let go and feel what i am feeling but i don't know how. Let's go with the subspace part because it's easier to talk about. i get endorphins but only with needle play but even with that it's hit and miss and i don't ever go into deep subspace. It's like i can't be that vulerable. i want to i need to but i don't know how to. any and all advice is welcome lil_joy

julietsierra -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 2:22:07 AM)
I do the same thing. I keep a tight reign on my emotions and reactions. I don't get to sub-space much either. However, with regard to sub-space, I've realized that being present in the moment has its own rewards. I appreciate where I am. Sometimes though, I think how wonderful it would feel to just let go and react - good bad or otherwise. But thinking this is much different from doing this. Things happened recently though which have given me a new insight. I've been with him for just a little over three years now. In that time, we've played lightly, we've not played, and we've played hard. But still, while I enjoyed myself immensely, I kept a tight reign on those emotions. This past weekend, he made me cry. It shocked us both. He was worried that he'd genuinely hurt me. I was overwhelmed. We stopped what we were doing for a little bit while each of us made sure I was ok, and then resumed. Afterwards, when we were talking about the weekend, the crying came up. That's when I realized that for me to drop that control over my emotions, everything has to be "just right." Both of us have to be on the same page. And we were that evening. It was like one of those perfect evenings where every single thing just drops nicely into place. So, now that it's Thursday, and I've had time to think about this, I really think it has to do with patience - and being at the point where you're ready, willing, and not even thinking about things anymore. That evening, not one thing mattered more to me than being right there with him. It began with me feeling this deep rush of emotion toward him.Those emotions grew with each passing moment. So, when he started doing what he did that wound up making me cry, it was like pulling a trigger on a gun primed and ready. He felt it too. Both of us were in the exact right frame of mind for that evening. Not one thing - including my reign on my emotions and reactions - mattered more to me than simply being with him as fully as I could. And I never thought it was possible, but that evening - he got my tears. juliet

LadyEllen -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 2:27:55 AM)
Hi liljoy I dont know if this would work or not, but I know it works for some who feel unable to let inhibitions go (not suggesting that is what your issue is BTW, but it sounds similar). We all have our normal everyday persona, and often its difficult to let go of that. I wondered if you had tried leaving that everyday persona behind at all, and "becoming" someone else temporarily? Neo-pagans do it, lawyers (in the UK at least) do it, police officers do it - they use different clothing to change persona. In the world of erotica, lots of people do it - both with different clothing and none. Its not so much that "clothes maketh the man", but more that how we are dressed can have a marked effect on how we feel and feel comfortable to act. E

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 6:36:35 AM)
juliet, Sir got tears from me sunday not during a scene but during a talk about this. Not the silent few tears running down my face either. The noisy, gut wrenching all out bawling that i almost never do because it always feels like if i let that kind of crying happen that i'll never stop. lil_joy

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 6:43:02 AM)
LadyEllen, Inhibitions is very much part of it. Please tell me more about how this works? i have acctually got some new clothes that are pretty different from my usual style. i've gone out in them but still feel like me just in a different wrapper. lil_joy

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 7:44:48 AM)
How long have you been together? Sometimes time is the best cure for things to learn to just relax and be secure with eachother. Time to learn eachothers reactions and how to go where you want to go. Practice will make much better. You can focus yourself- so focus on letting go. Do meditations, see what makes you tense up and then work on getting rid of those. Why do you tense up then? What's going on? Can you tell yourself to breath and let go? And don't be too hard on yourself- that only makes it worse.

LadyEllen -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 8:09:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liljoy LadyEllen, Inhibitions is very much part of it. Please tell me more about how this works? i have acctually got some new clothes that are pretty different from my usual style. i've gone out in them but still feel like me just in a different wrapper. lil_joy Hi liljoy You have to find something that will make you feel the part. If you see police officers when they're off duty, they act normally, but when they put the uniform on, it puts them into the frame of mind to act as police officers. Its the same with all these neo pagan types - they will put on all sorts of garb to get away from the mundane and enter a frame of mind to do their thang. And UK lawyers - biggest drunks around a lot of them, but they put on that gown and wig and suddenly theyre lawyers - not just to the people around them, but in their own heads too. It happens throughout erotica too. Crossdressers feel feminine when they get dolled up and I've seen people like that do things they'd never do as men. Dominants will dress up in stuff that makes them feel powerful, submissives will do the opposite. All are relieved of attachment to their normal selves to some extent by doing so, and can be the person the clothes or lack of, suggest to them, more easily. I dont suggest everyone dresses up for this purpose by the way, before I'm shot down in flames, but certainly many do. And of course, the way we dress has an effect on others too. Its all psychology, and we're all different. but maybe this might help. E

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 8:52:14 AM)
LA, it's a new relationship so we do realize that it's going to take time. The thing is that even in longer relationships i've not been able to in the past. This relationship is so very different from any other i've been in. This is the first time i've ever really gotten this close to letting go but i still have a block of some kind. i've tried to learn to meditate. i haven't been able to learn to shut down my thoughts which go all over the place. The same thing happens no matter what i'm doing. i'm patially there concentrating on what i'm doing and partially thinking about tons of other things lil_joy

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 8:55:02 AM)
LadyEllen, it's certainly something to think about thanks lil_joy

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 9:26:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liljoy i've tried to learn to meditate. i haven't been able to learn to shut down my thoughts which go all over the place. The same thing happens no matter what i'm doing. i'm patially there concentrating on what i'm doing and partially thinking about tons of other things lil_joy "Do not try to bend the spoon, that's impossible. Simply realize that there is no spoon." The goal isn't to shut down your thoughts, that's impossible and will only make you more frustrated. The goal is to simple RELEASE the thoughts as they come. Allow them to bubble up, pass through you and move on. Your problem is that you're holding to them too tightly. Thoughts will simply be what they are. If you can learn not to let them take control, you'll have what you need. And don't worry- almost every sub/slave has the "over thinking and analyzing" problem. It's part of the being so focused on external approval and perfection gig.

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 9:40:14 AM)
LA, i'll see if i can figure these things out thanks lil_joy

raiken -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 9:59:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liljoy my life has taught me to keep a tight rein on my feelings and reactions. Now i need to learn to be able to let go and feel what i am feeling but i don't know how. Let's go with the subspace part because it's easier to talk about. i get endorphins but only with needle play but even with that it's hit and miss and i don't ever go into deep subspace. It's like i can't be that vulerable. i want to i need to but i don't know how to. any and all advice is welcome lil_joy liljoy, In addition to the good thoughts shared here... You mention that "your" life has made you this way. Well, remember, it took many years for you to "become" who you are. It will take a good amount of time to clear out old debris and fill those areas with fresh new thought. One of the first things you have to consider is how you arrived at who you are. What experiences led up to this current state of mind? For some, it is about facing those fears born of the past influence and experience that shaped your beliefs, and current defenses. Facing your demons, one at a time, is often the first step required. For those who were abused in the past, putting the position of their attackers in proper perspective is a tough one. To let your defenses down, you have to believe that there are no more attackers present. It takes time. You have to do some soul searching to figure out what will unlock and free you from your deepest fears, and what your deepest fears really are. What will happen if you allow yourself to become vulnerable? Will you fear being stepped on once more as in the past? This is a tough spot for most of us to understand within ourselves. Keeping defenses in place keeps everything out, the good and the bad. If you want to let things in to take you to where you wish to go, you have to let stuff out to make room for the new experiences. You have to let go... finding out within yourself how to do this and the methods it takes to get there is unique for each person. i would suggest to take your time, step by step explore yourself, and in due course, as long as you are willing, freedom will occur as you lighten your emotional baggage of the fears that keep you bound. It is a process for each of us. My best to you.

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 10:58:49 AM)
raiken, your answer makes a lot of sense. The things that i have trouble doing reprisent the ultimate vunerability to me emotional vulnerability. i've not really let someone in enough for me to be too emotionally vulnerable in many many years. lil_joy

SftTigress -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 3:47:51 PM)
Some things that you might try are similar to meditation. Try standing in front of him. Both of you taking in deep breaths, gently touching each others arms and hands as well as the sides of the body. Let it be light caresses as you breath deep and close your eyes. This will help you both to relax if you will let your mind relax with it. You may even start feeling the energy between you. As you go into your position for the session keep breathing and relaxing. Visualize him as The Master that he is. Realize your submission and let every other thought lay to the side without notice. Stay focused. Sometimes closing your eyes or being blindfolded will help you during the scene. Make sure there is absolute silence if others are around except for the scene music. In your mind take you and your Master to a place that will compliment the scene in your mind. I sometimes visualize us being in a real dungeon back in the renaisance days. Feel what he brings to you and know in your heart and soul that you are feeding him. Enjoy the feed and the pleasure of hearing his groans, his deep breathing, and knowing that you are giving something to him that he truly needs. He will feed off your submission until he is full and then he will hold you and love you as you come back from your space to reality.

deltadawn -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 6:57:26 PM)
lil joy, Start by not being disappointed in yourself. As the relationship matures, the time put in, the trust growing even stronger, it will come. The first time i allowed myself to truly let go was when i finally stopped trying to get there. dawn

julietsierra -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/22/2006 7:51:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liljoy juliet, ... it always feels like if i let that kind of crying happen that i'll never stop. lil_joy Yup... here too lil_joy. There's that, and then, there's holdovers from my married life, where I had to be in control of myself, because not to be was not safe. These days, I'm learning that I don't always have to be on guard. These lessons come on their own time. I think, as someone else mentioned, that the longevity of our relationship also helped this immensely. I felt like this past weekend was a good thing... juliet

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/23/2006 9:21:53 AM)
jan, i really like this suggestion. What a beautiful way to connect. i'll suggest it to Him thanks lil_joy

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/23/2006 9:23:18 AM)
dawn, very wise words indeed and easier said then done but i am trying lil_joy

liljoy -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/23/2006 9:27:54 AM)
juliet, it sounds like it was. i'm happy for you! i think my tears were a step for me too lil_joy quote: ORIGINAL: julietsierra Yup... here too lil_joy. There's that, and then, there's holdovers from my married life, where I had to be in control of myself, because not to be was not safe. These days, I'm learning that I don't always have to be on guard. These lessons come on their own time. I think, as someone else mentioned, that the longevity of our relationship also helped this immensely. I felt like this past weekend was a good thing... juliet

deltadawn -> RE: learning to let go and just feel (9/23/2006 3:56:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: liljoy dawn, very wise words indeed and easier said then done but i am trying lil_joy lil joy, It is probably when you stop trying that you will fully let go. dawn

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125