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Suleiman -> RE: dealing with fear.... (1/14/2005 12:27:43 AM)
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Hi, match2u. Welcome to Collarme.
First, let me apologize to the people who regularly hunt down my posts. I've set aside the usual barrelful of tewnty dollar words in deference to the lady's limited knowledge of english. I promise I will go back to being as purple as ever in future posts.
It's not only reasonable to be a little afraid when you start to dive in to real time BDSM relationships, frankly, I'd worry that perhaps you hadn't thought about what you were doing if you were not afraid. Fear of the unknown is natural, and there are a lot of possible dangers in becoming a submissive, especially for the first time.
But the fear also makes it exciting, does it not? It gives you an extra little thrill. Enjoy that thrill, because eventually you will not be new to this, and that particular excitement will be gone (but hopefully it will be replaced by a new sensation, just as good or even better).
There are many ways to deal with the fear, to get past it (or to play with it). It sort of depends on what your situation is.
Communication, of course, just as you have said. Open communication is very important, not just now, but always.
Have a friend, someone you trust, that you can call the first few times you are with a new person. Someone who knows where you are and who you are with. Call them before the date and after, so that they know you are alright. It sounds very distrustful, I know, but some times it is nessesary, and better safe than sorry, right? It also helps you to feel a little bit more safe when playing with a new person, to know that there is someone you trust watching out for you. For that matter, it is also a way to feel more trust in your new dominant, to know that they will allow such a precaution. If they are displeased or try to dissuade you from calling, get out! Trust is not easy to build and should not be given lightly.
Let your dominant know you are afraid. Make it part of your play together. It is like being on a rollercoaster, that added thrill. Making the fear part of a bigger thing, part of a better thing, is the best way to get over it.
It isn't always about your needs, but you must not forget that you have needs. You have special needs, needs which make you ideally suited for this person. A need to serve, or a need to suffer. A need to kneel and submit. These are your needs, and it is these needs that have brought you here. But you have other needs as well. Calling yourself a slave is a role that you play at. The truth of the patter is that you are a free human, a living, thinking being. When you find the right dominant, all of your needs will be a priority for them, just as all of their needs will be a priority for you. They need to dominate, just as you need to submit. That is the beauty of this whole arrangement, isn't it?
I wish you luck on your journey. May you have many marvellous adventures.
~S
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