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Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do the 24/7 thing?


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Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do the ... - 9/22/2006 10:52:50 AM   
SubCoyate


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/1/2004
Status: offline 		I am a total newbie. But I have had a intrest in bdsm for a long time. I was wondering if it is okay to try to find someone to have bdsm injoyment with with doing the 24/7 master slave owenship type deal? I am wrong to be a freaky and kinky with commiting myself to a ownership type deal?
Sincerly
Yours
SubCoyote

< Message edited by SubCoyate -- 9/22/2006 10:53:35 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 10:57:38 AM   
LordODiscipline


Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Hell -
 
Find someone and do the '15 minute' thing...
 
It's all good.
 
!J

_____________________________

"Anyone who thinks they're important is usually just a pompous moron who can't deal with his or her own pathetic insignificance and the fact that what they do is meaningless and inconsequential."
William Thomas

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:00:07 AM   
TrueCalling


Posts: 97
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline 		Is it ok? Just when you think you've seen it all....

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:02:32 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		Hi Subcoyate,

      When it comes to taste, smell and sexual preferances there is no right or wrong. 
You may or may not find a lot of judmental people people here.  Just be careful to not
let anyone take advantage of you, or financially exploit you.  Many people will only
be interested in your money.  Some Doms may even get their submissives to
pretend to be Dommes to separate you from your money.  Some "Dommes" are
are really guys trying to get hold of your money.  Be especially careful of people
who demand things of you without first giving you the chance to get to know them.
 
Best regards,
Michael
 

< Message edited by WhipTheHip -- 9/22/2006 11:03:21 AM >

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(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:04:44 AM   
krista


Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		TrueCalling.....  my sentiments exactly....and who does one ask if it is ok??.....The Grand Poobah of the BDSM realm???.......Inquiring minds want to know!!!

a confuzzled
krista
joy through service

(in reply to TrueCalling)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:10:17 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubCoyate

I am a total newbie. But I have had a intrest in bdsm for a long time. I was wondering if it is okay to try to find someone to have bdsm injoyment with with doing the 24/7 master slave owenship type deal? I am wrong to be a freaky and kinky with commiting myself to a ownership type deal?
Sincerly
Yours
SubCoyote


To answer your question: To Each Their Own. Of course it's ok to look for something nonpermenant. Not everyone is here for a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic.
 
What you should be asking yourself is why you seem to be seeking validation from people on an internet website.
 
If it feels good to you, then do it. It doesn't matter what the rest of us think.
 
 

_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:16:31 AM   
TrueCalling


Posts: 97
Joined: 1/28/2005
Status: offline 		When asking such a question, perhaps you might have elaborated a bit, Coyote. Being a 'newbies' you are subject to many things others have gone through...I don't think it's 'ok' to do anything more than exploration via knowledge.. reading..chatting with others and perhaps guided exploration with someone you can TRUST. At this stage, i would say think of yourself first and who you are, what you desire and eventually you will know what you need. You can't please/serve another until you are  self-aware. Ah, one more thing..you can't do any of this if you are dead, bear that in mind,please...

colleen

(in reply to krista)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:19:33 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Yes, it's ok. Simply state that you are looking for a play partner and clearly define what that means to you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:22:57 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Go! Enjoy! Do what works for you!  If you can imagine a scenario, people are doing it and loving it!

In fact most of us wished people WOULD get into relaxed just-for-play relationships rather than feeling the pressure to be "owned."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:23:41 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		What ever works for you and honest communication of desires and intentions by both parties. Nothing wrong with casual play. Do not let society's or anyone in this life opinions of what is good and bad determine your path.



(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:26:50 AM   
slutsusan


Posts: 8
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		i am a 24/7 and there is not a problem not being 24/7 when i first met my Master i was not 24/7 i was then and am now married and i have grandchildren that know nothing about this life we have explained things and my family is fine now my husband is 24/7 also but at first when i went 24/7 he did not know any thing about it. it is all in what your lifestyle wants and needs there are Doms/Domme that want part time ones too 

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:33:34 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		look thru the collarme listings for your area. You will find a lot of people who are looking for a casual relationship. 

(in reply to slutsusan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 11:44:39 AM   
WhipTheHip


Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline 		It is fairly rare to find females looking for a casual relationship, as
there are many times more guys looking for a casual encounters
than women.  
 
But you did not say, you were looking for a casual encounter. I
think it is sad that most people here just assumed that that is
what you were looking for. 
 
Someone can look for a long term committed relationship where
D/s and bdsm are just part of the relationship, and not 24/7.  If
I read you correctly, you are interested in being submissive,
just not 100% of time.   In other words, I don't believe you ever
said you were looking for casual encounters, though I suspect
you are not adverse to them. 
 
People here claim, I have poor reading comprehension skills,
so maybe I misunderstood what you wrote.

< Message edited by WhipTheHip -- 9/22/2006 11:47:33 AM >

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RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 1:01:48 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
In fact most of us wished people WOULD get into relaxed just-for-play relationships rather than feeling the pressure to be "owned."
Count me out among the "most of us" crew...  If you ever find me looking for 15/however many minutes of no strings attached play, look for the tribute request soon thereafter, LMAO.   

To the OP SubCoyate, not only is it okay, I think it makes you the ideal play space servant...  If I go out to a play party, I think it's kool to have people who wish for the momentary thrill for me to practice on.    M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 9/22/2006 1:05:00 PM >

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a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 3:06:00 PM   
jesskitty


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TrueCalling

Is it ok? Just when you think you've seen it all....

i think this and the other coment is uncalled for. unfornatly when it comes to anything that takes learning to often to people that are knowledgeable look down upon people who ask questions. sure some people would say this question is out there, but i'm a beliver in there are no stupid/dumb questions. better to ask and know than to assume.

(in reply to TrueCalling)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 4:04:53 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubCoyate

I am a total newbie. But I have had a intrest in bdsm for a long time. I was wondering if it is okay to try to find someone to have bdsm injoyment with with doing the 24/7 master slave owenship type deal? I am wrong to be a freaky and kinky with commiting myself to a ownership type deal?
Sincerly
Yours
SubCoyote


It is ok to feel this way but I think a better set of questions to ask are these: (FYI: not specifically directed at the OP here but these are things I've asked myself and those I've been honored to mentor)

How can I commit to something 24/7 if I haven't done it for even a full weekend yet? How about a week? A month?

Why should I commit to someone 24/7 until I've taken a lot of time to get to him/her? Face-to-face, some play time, some mundane time, some time apart, some time to meet others.

How can I commit to 24/7 master-slave when I'm just starting? Shouldn't I get more experience and get to know myself more before giving my word to obey or command when it might turn out that isn't what I'm really looking for?

What is the attraction of 24/7 to me that is different than my attraction to limited scenes or vanilla relationships?

Should I establish some sort of support system with friends, family, and contacts to help me with relationship and life situations before I jump into 24/7?

Is 24/7 easier, harder, or the same as any other type of relationship? What are my reasons for believing this and what is the evidence to support that?

What is it about being a master or slave that appeals to me rather than being a top/dominant or a bottom/submissive? How do I define the terms? How do I expect things would operate different in different types of relationships?

What is it I imagine when I think of 24/7 master-slave? How realistic is my imagination? What do I have to measure it against?

How is my life financially, spiritually, physically, and what are my mundane responsibilities? What am I willing to change or give up?

Just some of my questions that I had to run through myself before I felt ready to do 24/7 mistress-slave. It took me a few years, lots of reading, dozens of meatlife kinky folks who were friends and mentors, and a lot of honesty and reflection. Plus a lot of trial and error and many boxes of facial tissue for the heart break and tears.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 4:14:20 PM   
MistressDiane


Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		Alot of folks, myself included, went a long time mostly "playing" especially in the beginning years. There's nothing wrong with it, no shame in it and not a bad idea to gain experience before deciding to make any kind of commitment. You may play around a bit then decide it's not for you or decide it's the best thing since sliced bread and can't live without it.
Go, Explore, Have Fun!

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 4:52:40 PM   
ayasha


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		The majority of the people that enjoy BDSM activities are not Master/slave.  one would look for a local group, get to know people, and find others to play with.  Just be safe. 

(in reply to SubCoyate)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Is it okay to find someone to bdsm with and not do ... - 9/22/2006 4:54:03 PM   
diamonddreamlove


Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline 		Play have fun, enjoy the new and varied experiences just remember there will always be someone who wants to criticise and are best ignored if you can!

diamond

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to MistressDiane)
Profile   Post #: 19
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