update on baby

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

update on baby

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> update on baby

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

update on baby - 9/22/2006 2:00:46 PM

pahunkboy

Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline

my mom flew out to Chicago and is staying with my pregnant sister. She and this circus is getting out of control. Unless my brother Ed makes up with her husband, Ed is not allowed to see my mother this visit.
I have tried to be an adult all thru this but- I think we crossed the line. If she gets in the way of Ed seeing his own mother- then I don't think I feel like visiting out there in a few months as scheduled.
This throws me into the mix of the mess.
We all have reverted to 1st graders playing this petty bullshit. I told her it isn't fair, mom has health problems and no one ever knows if it is the last visit.
Ed did not marry Jeff his bro in-law.
I thought being an uncle would be fun from a sister- more so from a brothers wife. Man am I wrong.
The negative tension is so intense you can feel it over the phone.
Things have fallen apart- and I cant put it all back together again. I just cant.
I resent this.
If my taking a trip to Chicago is a choir then count me out. As pathetic as my own life is- at least I can count on me.
For the next week I am not going to intervene. I figure let mom see it all- what it is and what it isn't. She wants to move out there- I don't.
Things could be very nice as a frequent visitor.
So- pencil me in the I'm watching TV, on the Internet, too busy.
I regret that it comes down to this. But it has.
I blame all the adults for turning juvenile.
I give up. Any ideas?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: update on baby - 9/22/2006 3:16:00 PM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

So Ed and Jeff are like water and fire? Understandably, your sister chooses for her husband.

Look, we all have to play the cards that are in our hand. If a visit by Ed is impossible, it is impossible. You and your mother might get together and finance part of his trip to see her elsewhere. Other than that, be true to all of your relatives. Only your sister necessarily is not able to be loyal to Ed, but undoubtedly she hurts just as much.

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: update on baby - 9/22/2006 3:20:51 PM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

Jeff and your sister are stressed enough with expecting a baby. It does not really matter what Ed and Jeff had the falling out over but due to the situation of your sister being pregnant, Ed needs to be the bigger person and apologize and make up. Even if he feels he has nothing to apologzie for.

While your mom's health issues are troubling this is the one time in their life that Jeff and your sister need your unconditional support. Dad's to be can become very stressed during this time, fear for their wife's life, worry about finances and a billion other things. In a way the dad to be can be just as hormonal as the expectant mom.

Try to show your brother Ed that for your sis and her husband physically and emotionally they are in a totally other zone right now. This is the time for family to step up and be supportive, having a baby is a once in a lifetime deal.

As for yourself do not take sides. Your mom might have health issues but she is a big girl and if she really wants to see Ed she will. Since you are far away you are probably not getting the full story just 4 biased versions of it.

Your visit is to see your new neice or nephew to be there to welcome the newest member of your family. If you do not visit you will be cheating the baby and yourself. Not Ed, Jeff, or your sister but the BABY!

Stop listening to either side when they call , get off the phone fast.

Keep your scheduled visit, 20 years from now you don't want to answer your neice/nephews question of 'why weren't you there for me when I was born".

Pack lots of film , you will cherish the memory of holding the new baby forever :)

(in reply to pahunkboy)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: update on baby - 9/22/2006 3:36:55 PM

KenDckey

Posts: 4121
Joined: 5/31/2006
Status: offline

I agree. Tell all the combatants that you are not going to get involved. And if they don't like it they can kiss your butt. Tell them you are going to see mom unless they have a court order to keep you out they don't have the right to say otherwise. And Tell them you are going to see the baby. those are the purposes of the visit. Time for them to grow up and be responsible adults.

(in reply to kisshou)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: update on baby - 9/22/2006 4:03:44 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

Understand the problem have my own family problems and am thinking about hiding from the family for awhile then checking to see who the survivors are. Sometimes we just have to take a step back and take care of ourselves first and foremost. To do otherwise helps no one. Remember on the plane you put your own oxygen mask on first then help others. So take care of you emotionally first then when ready you will be more successful in helping the other "kids".

diamond

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to KenDckey)

Profile

Post #: 5