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a poem - 9/23/2006 9:35:01 PM

dincubus

Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
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Desire

To spend one’s life,
With that special someone.
The ultimate goal,
For someone to strive for.

You spend time looking,
For that one person.
Sometimes hurt is found,
Sometimes pain is gained.

You move through the pain,
And begin again.
The process repeats,
In an endless cycle.

Every now and then,
The cycle halts.
As the investigation of a person begins,
Hopefully to succeed.

If failure happens,
The search begins anew.
Desire never satisfied,
Thirst never quenched.

The desire to love,
Always driving forward.
Never reaching the goal,
Only to die alone.

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RE: a poem - 9/24/2006 12:10:10 PM

SohCahToa

Posts: 563
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline

A nice outlook on life this poem has. I think also the poem goes a bit downhill towards the end really.

Consider the following rewrite maybe but at the end of the day you’re the artist:

If failure happens,
The search begins a new,
You keep with you the memories,
Of the things she brought to you,

The desire to love is endless
The need to be loved is immeasurable
The goal is reached when we realise
Everyone dies alone.

Second thoughts that everyone dies alone bit is a bit depressing maybe end it like this:

The desire to love is endless
The need to be loved is immeasurable
The goal is reached when we realise
There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

I think we now have a winning poem.

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(in reply to dincubus)

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