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how do i know? - 1/14/2005 6:36:16 PM

webgirl

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/1/2004
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i am new on the scene and i think that i have found the right dom for me...when He asked me the other night if i had made a descision to become his sub my heart lept with glee, but i long to be a good sub to Him in every way i can and he is patiently waiting for me, but i have been hurt (not physically) by another one claiming to be a perfect master... so the question is how do i know when i am ready? i am pretty sure that i am but how do i get past my fears?

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RE: how do i know? - 1/14/2005 7:21:25 PM

FangsNfeet

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Well webgirl you're ready when you know you're ready. It's like when you willingly have sex with someone. You did it when you finally felt ready to do it and made the choice. How often do you think about being tied down, whiped, and following someone elses orders? Weither or not you feel that you are ready, how ready are you to sever this Dom? Get to know him in person, ask questions about what is going to be happining once the door closes. After all it's all about trust and your well being.

As to know if you're really into any type of pain; Well hit yourself with a belt a few time, poor some wax on yourself, and twist your nipples a couple of times. Also how does it feel when you go to the beauty shop to get hair and wax treatments?

Anyways, being a submissive dose not mean you have to be a pain slut. After all, pain can also be used for punishment and being kept in line. However you truely feel about pain I'm sure your Dom will start off with mild and medium pain to begin testing your threshold and acctually seeing what you like and don't like regardless of your interest.

Hope to read about your meeting in the positive experiences. Take care and have fun, as I wish you the best in this encounter.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to webgirl)

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RE: how do i know? - 1/15/2005 5:52:21 AM

OrientalMistress

Posts: 34
Joined: 11/7/2004
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Little one...I have found that it is best to do at least two things...first, observe a session that your "proposed" Master conducts...but more importantly...have you and He take one of the little "what I will do, won't do, might do" exams... first take it seperately then sit down together and see how close you are to each other.

I remind you that a Master can have a very smooth tongue and appear most loving until He enters a session...then can change dramatically. There is more than one incident of that right here in the forum.

One other word ... remember, regardless of what He may tell you, He will have no legal right to hold you...so if it does not work out .. you can leave Him at any time...His concern is to love and care for you or should be. I hope He works out for you, My little one...

Oriental Mistress
[email protected]

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RE: how do i know? - 1/15/2005 8:40:02 AM

willing2serve

Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
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quote:

As to know if you're really into any type of pain; Well hit yourself with a belt a few time, poor some wax on yourself, and twist your nipples a couple of times. Also how does it feel when you go to the beauty shop to get hair and wax treatments?

Hmmm...FangsnFeet, I have to respectfully disagree with this statement. Pain for me is totally different in a bdsm setting than sitting at the beauty shop. I can take very little self inflicted pain, such as a whack of the belt as your example or stumping my toe, but when I am with the one that holds the key to the infliction, my pain tolerance is quite high. Actually, I have never hit my pain threshold yet, and I am curious as to where it is.

So my advice to a new submissive is to find the one you trust and explore. Stay open minded and try not to have any preconceived ideas. Different scenarios will produce different reactions, just enjoy.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

(in reply to OrientalMistress)

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RE: how do i know? - 1/15/2005 9:18:50 AM

INSIDEYOURMIND

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It all goes back to you, could you be hurt again?, absolutely, but you could also find the one that is for you.

If you don't allow yourself to try new things, all you will have are regrets. You may regret trying new things as well, but if you don't you will never know.

Ask lots of quetions, find out who this Master is, not just in a BDSM way, but what type of man he is. If he is a good Dom, he will have no issue with answering any of your questions.

One more bit of advice, make sure you know who you are, before deciding what you are!

_____________________________

If I got smart with you.................
How would you know?

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RE: how do i know? - 1/15/2005 10:13:56 AM

willing2serve

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quote:

One more bit of advice, make sure you know who you are, before deciding what you are!

Well said!!!! Self-discovery should be top priority before searching for the One. Insecurity and confusion can make this arena a dangerous place.

We all experience some degree of hurt on our searches, whether it is dappened hopes, or devastating trust issues. Whatever degree of hurt you felt, may I suggest you deal with it first, take a search vacation perhaps, build yourself back up so that you can be the best you can be for the next One that you serve.

Some may disagree by saying give the potter the broken pieces and let him sculpt them back together, it can be done, but after a vessel is broken it is hard for someone else to find all the pieces.

After a small degree of dappened hopes, I am taking my own advice and working on becoming that priceless Ming vase for when I find the one to serve.

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

(in reply to INSIDEYOURMIND)

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RE: how do i know? - 1/15/2005 12:01:53 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Communicate then communicate some more. Nothing can kill a relationship faster than not communicating properly. We see it daily here on the board's.
If you have fear's he will help you work through them. If you want him as your future dominant put a little trust in him. It sound's as if he is not really trying to push you and actually do things just right.
You'll be ready when he shows you that you are. Find out what he is seeking in life. Figure out what you are seeking. It is very simple, just ask. Tell him how you feel.

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RE: how do i know? - 1/17/2005 2:16:30 PM

BeachMystress

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Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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You're new and already have been hurt by a self proclaimed "perfect master"? In my eyes, you're letting your excitement over the lifestyle override your common sense. You do not leap into any relationship. Take things slow and feel your way. If the Dominant is as good as you think he is, he'll help guide you and be patient with you.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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RE: how do i know? - 1/17/2005 10:29:47 PM

webgirl

Posts: 10
Joined: 12/1/2004
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Thank you all for your advice and caring words... i have just gotten home from metting my Dom and it was a very good experience and i know that he is just right for me, and the best part is that he accepted me as his sub! i am so excited and can't wait to please him in every way i can.
Thank you again

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