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gentlethistle -> being positive about the experience (9/24/2006 1:18:31 PM)
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In November last year I began exchanging messages and chatting with a dominant here at CollarMe. In December we met up in a coffee shop. It had taken some convincing for me to even meet someone in public like that but finally I decided to take a chance.
For around nine months we met regularly and I was required to wear a 'collar' for him. He finally released me last Friday. Even though the relationship has now ended, I wanted to post something here about the positive parts of the experience from my point of view.
Before we met for our first evening outing (which involved me getting in his car) he gave me his real name, I knew where his office was and had met him there from work and he gave me his car registration. He let me know that I could give the information to a friend and say where I was going. The first time I ever visited his home he made a big play of showing me that the key was in the front door. None of these things represent a guarantee of safety, but they all helped to reassure me that he meant me no harm, which was appreciated as this was my first offline BDSM encounter of any sort.
Over the course of our time together he introduced me to gentle restraint, to spanking and paddling and caning, not to mention other things. I also had a taste of D/s control in my life. On the few occasions that I reacted really badly to something he backed off. Early on he talked with me a lot about how things were for me, and tried to understand who I was and my past sexual experience and desires.
We were more than 'play partners' though. He gave me a huge amount of support with a lot of difficult family issues, we shared laughs, grouses about life, visited some beautiful places together and he provided companionship and a safe space outside my daily life where I could be with someone in a different world. He respected the fact that I had demands upon my time away from him, and actively encouraged me to participate in things I enjoy. I really appreciated the chance to touch a man again, to hold and be held, sleep with him, to be played with and taken, and made to desire. Yes, there was good sex. But there was also a caring friendship. Almost until the end, when he said he'd do something he did, and when he needed to rearrange he told me. I could trust and rely on him.
Obviously there are negative things that could be said, and incompatibilities between us, or the relationship wouldn't have ended. But those things don't belong here. I just wanted to record what was good.
Laura
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