Living D/s with passion

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Living D/s with passion

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Living D/s with passion

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Living D/s with passion - 1/14/2005 11:56:42 PM

idleswell

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/17/2004
Status: offline

Do you feel D/s relationships are more intimate than a vanilla marriage?

What fuels the intimacy that might be lacking in a vanilla life?

Alan

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Living D/s with passion - 1/15/2005 1:07:45 AM

sterlingsweet

Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline

For myself, I find D/s relationship Far More Everything!

What Fuels it for me? The Established Rules, The Openess, The Honesty,
really discussing openly what you and your partner Like, Wish, Desire, Sexually
and Emotionally.
The PE is mentally and emotionally stimulating, supportive of Growth, Wellbeing, and connecting Spiritually.
I tend to think and have experienced, in Vanilla relationships that these things are rarely openly discussed, or there is not enough communication, it's more of a guessing game in Vanilla Land.
In D/s I think things are more balanced Give and Take wise, and there is more of a tendency to want to work on the relationship and keep things moving forward.
Just a Few of Many things that are different for me.

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to idleswell)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Living D/s with passion - 1/15/2005 2:16:13 AM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: idleswell

Do you feel D/s relationships are more intimate than a vanilla marriage?

What fuels the intimacy that might be lacking in a vanilla life?

Nope, as a general rule I don't find that at all. There are plenty of vanilla relationships that are extremely intimate and passionate without including d/s or any other part of wiitwd. There are plently of d/s relationships that are less intimate than some vanilla ones. My grandparents had an incredibly loving, intimate, passionate, trusting relationship for more than 50 years without incorporating d/s into it. I've yet to see a d/s relationship come close to what they shared. Oh, I'm sure there are some; I just don't know about them.

Our relationships are no better or worse than others. We simply make different choices. Better for us? Sure. But better overall? No, of course not.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to idleswell)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Living D/s with passion - 1/15/2005 2:22:35 AM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sterlingsweet
there is more of a tendency to want to work on the relationship and keep things moving forward.

Wow, that's significantly different from my experience. I see a bdsm community where 6 months is considered a "long term relationship" and if you're together for 3 years you're oldtimers. I watch people partner-hop at least as much and likely more in the bdsm community than in the 'nilla one. "Velcro collars" are so common that most everyone in the scene recognizes the term and has seen it in their community.

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to sterlingsweet)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Living D/s with passion - 1/15/2005 3:54:31 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

Could it be that your grandparents relationship didn't differ much from a D/s relationships today minus the kinks?
i know most relationships of yester year the husband made the rules and the wife dealt with taking care of the kids and making home a nice place for the husband to come home to. Add to that some kink and it sounds pretty much like a lot of D/s couples i know.
Another thought is that as a youngester you idealized the relationship they had and no relationship be it D/s or nilla could measure up to it.
just some thoughts
lil_joy

quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

Nope, as a general rule I don't find that at all. There are plenty of vanilla relationships that are extremely intimate and passionate without including d/s or any other part of wiitwd. There are plently of d/s relationships that are less intimate than some vanilla ones. My grandparents had an incredibly loving, intimate, passionate, trusting relationship for more than 50 years without incorporating d/s into it. I've yet to see a d/s relationship come close to what they shared. Oh, I'm sure there are some; I just don't know about them.

Our relationships are no better or worse than others. We simply make different choices. Better for us? Sure. But better overall? No, of course not.

(in reply to SherriA)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Living D/s with passion - 1/15/2005 3:58:27 AM

liljoy

Posts: 577
Joined: 3/25/2004
Status: offline

ahh a sad be too often true fact. i do find it to be much more true of online relationships than in r/t relationships though. In our local group we are a pretty young couple at three years. Many couples have been together many years and going strong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SherriA

Wow, that's significantly different from my experience. I see a bdsm community where 6 months is considered a "long term relationship" and if you're together for 3 years you're oldtimers. I watch people partner-hop at least as much and likely more in the bdsm community than in the 'nilla one. "Velcro collars" are so common that most everyone in the scene recognizes the term and has seen it in their community.

(in reply to SherriA)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Living D/s with passion - 1/15/2005 6:25:24 AM

cynnacent1

Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline

i would think that any vanilla or BDSM relationship CAN exist as an intimate union, IF the foundation of the relationship is centered upon open trust, compatabilities, and great communication, and commitment.

The success of any relationship can exist when those in the relationship have communicated what their expectations are, and agree to forfill the needs, and desires of each and are both capable of balancing the power struggles that may exist in making decisions together, or deciding who WILL MAKE the decisions.

i've had my share of failed vanilla relationships, it always seemed that in the end, it all came down to 'power struggles' in regard to decisions being made which effected the relationship as a whole (hmm.. the sex sucked too though ...hmmm... and that was in direct relation to trust issues & communication too though, not to mention an uptight & conservative partner ... soooooo ... ).

Basically it can be a bit difficult to even compare the two fairly in many cases. Vanilla never really worked for me, never 'did it' for me ... therefore, i only have a couple of *failed* vanilla relationships to judge against.

I CAN say that this D/s relationship between INSIDEYOURMIND and myself is certainly FAR more intimate than any 'vanilla' *i've* been in.

¸,ø¤º°cynnacent°º¤ø,¸ (proudly owned by, and devoted to INSIDEYOURMIND)

_____________________________

Current imood of cynnacent1: [image]http://moods.imood.com/display/uname=cynnacent1/fg=339999ns=1/imood.gif[/image] Click the smiley to get your very own imood indicator.

(in reply to idleswell)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Living D/s with passion - 1/15/2005 6:48:56 AM

SherriA

Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: liljoy

Could it be that your grandparents relationship didn't differ much from a D/s relationships today minus the kinks?
i know most relationships of yester year the husband made the rules and the wife dealt with taking care of the kids and making home a nice place for the husband to come home to. Add to that some kink and it sounds pretty much like a lot of D/s couples i know.

Nope, that wasn't how things worked between them at all. He worked, she didn't once she had kids, but they each had areas that they were "in charge of" and neither one stepped on the other's toes in a domain that wasn't theirs. It was a very equal relationship, neither one was dominant over the other.

quote:

Another thought is that as a youngester you idealized the relationship they had and no relationship be it D/s or nilla could measure up to it.

My grandfather died when I was in my mid-twenties. I was well past being a "youngster".

They were just one example. I can give examples of other vanilla relationships that are just as committed, loving, and intimate, where the partners communicate fully and freely with each other. D/s isn't the only way for that to happen.

My point is simply that while a d/s or bdsm relationship may be better *for us*, that doesn't mean that it's better than the relationship that vanilla partners can have. Not having the same needs/wants/desires as us pervs doesn't keep people from having relationships that are just as good as ours may be. Different doesn't have to mean better or worse.

< Message edited by SherriA -- 1/15/2005 6:49:20 AM >

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to liljoy)

Profile

Post #: 8