Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

overcoming fear


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> overcoming fear Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 3:13:23 AM   
dominiquethecat


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/16/2005
Status: offline 		Hello,
mine is a really simple question I guess.  I've been a sub for a very long time and had very little experience. I seem to be unable to overcome fear when it comes to meeting someone I don't know expecially ina dom sb situation. I also find that most people I meet are only interested in getting free sex rather rhan exchanging an experience....i'd like advice
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 4:40:21 AM   
Pimpernell


Posts: 198
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		The number 1 rule is patience.  Get to know someone for a while, through email, chat or phone before you actually meet up with them.  When you do meet up it should be for coffee only until you feel comfortable with them.

You should seek out groups in your area you can meet other doms and subs in a
casual, no expectations environment.



(in reply to dominiquethecat)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 7:18:05 AM   
Domrob


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline 		I agree do not meet until you are happy talking to the dom and then meet in a public place.

It could be you have not met the Dom right for you.   If I meet a sub and feel itis going to work for us I find it easier to help the sub to trus me.

(in reply to dominiquethecat)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 8:27:52 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I find that chatting with or meeting  a person simply as a person goes a long way for both comfort zones. Have conversations about other things besides Ds and sex. Meet them in a public place, perhaps several times, until you decide you are comfortable with them. Then, you'll most likely know if it's time to take things further. If the Dominant in question isn't willing to put you at ease as a person, they're not a match for you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to dominiquethecat)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 8:55:25 AM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		I would agree with patience and open communication - talk alot on here, then on voice, keep exchanging ideas, etc. Personally it is good to talk 'outside' the scene - share issues at work, home, social, etc - without giving too much personal detail - it shows you as a real person with real concerns and life... it also shows how you 'tick' under different circumstances.......   never rush something - if it is real - it will simmer over time and allow a connection to become stronger......

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 10:33:18 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		dominique,

How good are you at picking your vanilla partners or do you have issues there as well?

If a potential partner talks about you and is interested in you outside of BDSM you have likely found someone "better" than someone who pretty much is only interested in talking about "sceneing".

In other words, if he humps your leg on the phone don't expect anything different in person.

(in reply to MASTERRocker)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 11:12:28 AM   
raiken


Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominiquethecat

Hello,
mine is a really simple question I guess.  I've been a sub for a very long time and had very little experience. I seem to be unable to overcome fear when it comes to meeting someone I don't know expecially ina dom sb situation. I also find that most people I meet are only interested in getting free sex rather rhan exchanging an experience....i'd like advice



Having this fear you describe is indicative of deeper issues within yourself as to where this fear originates.  If you feel you are ruled by your own fear, than the next question would be, why do you have this fear?  What are the origins of it, and how can you begin to work on yourself to get past it once and for all.  Fear of meeting someone new, is often born from past experiences that have a connection with abandonment, rejection and/or issues of neglect, etc.  If you have low self esteem, the fear may be magnified, depending.  You have to look inside yourself and discover where it came from, how to face it, and then how to let it go.  Else it will color your view and perspective the rest of your life, and you will never be free of this baggage, you will always be bound by your fears, first, before anything else.
 
As far as sex goes, hey it is natural to want sex, and if a person can get it from an unsuspecting other, there are those that will always be willing to try.  Knowing yourself, and valuing yourself, and being able to trust in your own gut and intuition will help you discern the playas from the real deals.  Take your time in this, there is no rush, when the right person comes along you will know it.  Knowing yourself really well, and the qualities you value within yourself, will aid you in seeing those same qualities in others. Take care.
 

(in reply to dominiquethecat)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 11:34:44 AM   
Demonwolf


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline 		Another Master said it right for me in here, Patience is the key.  Everyone is different how the approach this lifestyle and know one is going to jump in water full sharks, are they?

I recommend you meet a Master like anyone else you would in life, for a coffee or a drink in a crowed public place.  You should be thing about play, until your comfortable with the person you with and you build the trust level that make you feel safe with a Master.

(in reply to dominiquethecat)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: overcoming fear - 9/25/2006 11:36:24 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		We all go through it its unfortunate there are so many more insensear people out there then sensear ones

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Demonwolf)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: overcoming fear - 9/26/2006 1:02:20 AM   
Master96


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings MagiksSlave,

I've read through your posts. And I wanted to look at your profile to know you. I'm not planing to email you and such.

Why don't you have an active profile?

To the OP, people fear the unknown. I agree with the posts here. know the person better before meeting.

Master96,

< Message edited by Master96 -- 9/26/2006 1:04:11 AM >

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: overcoming fear - 9/26/2006 11:14:04 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominiquethecat

Hello,
mine is a really simple question I guess. I've been a sub for a very long time and had very little experience. I seem to be unable to overcome fear when it comes to meeting someone I don't know expecially ina dom sb situation. I also find that most people I meet are only interested in getting free sex rather rhan exchanging an experience....i'd like advice




Fear in a submissive soul is natural in these encounters. Too much of it can be crippling, however. If you are fearful for lack of knowledge or experience, take your journey slowly. Any worthwhile capture merits patience. Listen to your instincts, but try not to jump at shadows. Be still and hone your own ability to discern and desire.

(in reply to dominiquethecat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: overcoming fear - 9/26/2006 11:29:02 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline 		 
 
I wonder if it would help removing this line from your profile:

"...not looking for a dark angel, but for someone who enjoys life and likes to take a rollecoster ride sometimes...just for fun." <italics are mine> 
 
Maybe I'm being prissy, but it sounds like you're inviting sexual play, to me.

Edited to add that was a FastReply and intended to address the OP only

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 9/26/2006 11:30:08 AM >

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: overcoming fear - 9/27/2006 11:02:08 AM   
hypnoticblue


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/20/2006
Status: offline 		I find the thrill of meeting someone absolutely euphoric!  :)

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: overcoming fear - 9/27/2006 11:24:09 AM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline 		What are you so afraid of?

(in reply to dominiquethecat)
Profile   Post #: 14
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> overcoming fear Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.100