Advice to a Domme

Advice to a Domme (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 9:40:44 AM)
Someone asked me once... how can we create positive images of ourselves? I've thought about that for a while... The first thing is .. if one has a chip on their shoulder regarding men- get rid of it. Domination is not a"get-even club." One does not do this by mimicking the negative traits of our male counterparts. Check yourself first. Make yourself the best you can be. When you are content within yourself others will be content with you. No one is the blame for your success or failure but yourself.. it's not your peers' fault.. it's not your sub's fault. If you are constantly hitting roadblocks.. you need to check the path you are on. Don't "sell yourself." If everything you do is contingent upon how much gifting you get you knock yourself down a notch (in my opinion). As long as a woman puts a price on her head.. she degrades herself for she is saying she can be bought. If a gift is given to you of a free heart.. then it's an honor.. a TRUE tribute. You have "arrived". Honor each other. The golden rule applies. A woman is "superior" because of her ability to be compassionate. Don't put that quality on the back burner because you are "domme". I firmly believe that "those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it." Matriarchy replacing Patriarchy would be non productive. The power struggle would begin again ....the persecution, the fears. "Power corrupts.. absolute power corrupts absolutely." That's another adage worth heeding. I suggest that each woman find her own center, her own strength and the expression thereof. It's time we display our best selves and display the best qualities of our birthright. Express yourself as a woman, not a woman trying to be a man trying to be a woman in an expression of aggression. Otherwise, we will continue to look like buffoons. A woman's greatest power is her heart and mind. (After all, we've outwitted them THIS long) Be strong in your beliefs. If you talk the talk you'd better be prepared to walk the walk. Speak your truth quietly and surely. Do not do so with an intent to insult or harm. This way you will never be in a position of contrition for your actions. Belligerence and arrogance are ignorance and insecurity in action. Observe carefully. Class shows. Develop your erotic being, your logic, your intuition. Those are the qualities that make a man fall at your feet.

ToGiveDivine -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 10:47:26 AM)
That is one of the most well thought out descriptions of what, as a newbie, I would hope to find. It's give and take, a mutual experience for both male and female and the fact that we are all humans and should treat each other as such (outside of "play" time). LotusSong, Thank you for this - we are all better off from your posting

LaTigresse -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 10:54:21 AM)
Lotus that is awsome, thank you.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 11:34:28 AM)
Dear LotusSong, I've been a fan of yours ever since you joined the boards; and now you've written a comprehensive list of all the reasons why... It's evident you embody those things you write of. I hope to be a lot more like you as I grow up. [:)] M

Jasmyn -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:29:32 PM)
quote: Don't "sell yourself." If everything you do is contingent upon how much gifting you get you knock yourself down a notch (in my opinion). As long as a woman puts a price on her head.. she degrades herself for she is saying she can be bought. If a gift is given to you of a free heart.. then it's an honor.. a TRUE tribute. You have "arrived". It always amuses me when a woman's empowerment can be belittled by other's who are want to define that that empowerment can only be accomplished if she follows the line a 'respectable' woman wouldn't let herself be brought ... your post was a lovely bunch of rhetoric ...but that was downright rank. Apparently it's my opinion to not view or oppress other women by catergorising them as whores. I've arrived everytime a man thanks me for what I have done for him. You can call that degrading ... I'll call it my just deserves ... respect and money can go hand in hand.

LotusSong -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:38:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn quote: Don't "sell yourself." If everything you do is contingent upon how much gifting you get you knock yourself down a notch (in my opinion). As long as a woman puts a price on her head.. she degrades herself for she is saying she can be bought. If a gift is given to you of a free heart.. then it's an honor.. a TRUE tribute. You have "arrived". It always amuses me when a woman's empowerment can be belittled by other's who are want to define that that empowerment can only be accomplished if she follows the line a 'respectable' woman wouldn't let herself be brought ... your post was a lovely bunch of rhetoric ...but that was downright rank. Apparently it's my opinion to not view or oppress other women by catergorising them as whores. I've arrived everytime a man thanks me for what I have done for him. You can call that degrading ... I'll call it my just deserves ... respect and money can go hand in hand. *Spoken like a Pro. I would expect nothing less of you.*

ToGiveDivine -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:51:36 PM)
Domme Fight!!!!! Where's my Popcorn?

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:52:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jasmyn quote: Don't "sell yourself." If everything you do is contingent upon how much gifting you get you knock yourself down a notch (in my opinion). As long as a woman puts a price on her head.. she degrades herself for she is saying she can be bought. If a gift is given to you of a free heart.. then it's an honor.. a TRUE tribute. You have "arrived". It always amuses me when a woman's empowerment can be belittled by other's who are want to define that that empowerment can only be accomplished if she follows the line a 'respectable' woman wouldn't let herself be brought ... your post was a lovely bunch of rhetoric ...but that was downright rank. Apparently it's my opinion to not view or oppress other women by catergorising them as whores. I've arrived everytime a man thanks me for what I have done for him. You can call that degrading ... I'll call it my just deserves ... respect and money can go hand in hand. I agree that power and money often go hand and hand, so for that reason I didn't take that women who take money=cheap whores from Lotus' post. In being someone capable of many things as a female and dominant, and taking money because that is what you want from that particular individual, would you say you are selling yourself? I tend to think selling yourself is what happens when any man can walk up, hand you cash, and say do/be what I want for me, rather than your stating "I enjoy doing these things with a man who will obey/defer to me, and I enjoy financial servitude as much as any other type." I could be wrong, M

MASTERRocker -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:53:17 PM)
MMMM Hold On! et me get another beer....... MASTER Rocker

LotusSong -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:56:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine Domme Fight!!!!! Nah... just a slow day at the dungeon.

Voltare -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:56:42 PM)
Lotus, Excellent post, thank you. Jasmyn, Lotus appeared to be trying to draw a line between those who dominate for enjoyment and personal relationships, and those who market it. I don't believe she suggested that domination was on par with a whore. Personally, I have nothing against women who work as Pro-Dommes, but neither should it offend me in the least if a woman works as a prostitute. Empowerment doesn't come from selling fantasy. A Pro-Domme (like a Prostitute) fulfills a need in society that is generally socially forbidden by the ignorant and the rightous. Boyfriends don't just give 200 dollar cash rewards to their girlfriends after a great hour of sex, pretending a Pro-Domme is somehow 'better' than a prostitute is degrading to prostitutes, and neither a Prostitute or Pro-Domme is 'empowering' themselves - they are simply supplying a service in a field that offers a great deal of profit. None of these commercial activities are even remotely related with presenting a positive image of lifestyle, relationship oriented dominant women. No emotional relationship should come with a price tag. (edit: sorry if I sounded a bit over the top the first time around - it's a topic that actually hits close to my own home, and past.)

thetammyjo -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 1:59:17 PM)
I think we all do ourselves and our "community" a great service when we are just the best human beings we can be regardless of role, orientation, sex, gender, race or any other category.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:00:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Voltare Boyfriends don't just give 200 dollar cash rewards to their girlfriends after a great hour of sex Yes they do, before, after or anytime they have it and feel like it. M

ToGiveDivine -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:08:04 PM)
Guys NEVER get sex for free - it always costs something in some way. The thing is whether the cost is worth it. For the right person, the cost is always worth it. I have a question, would a non-Pro Domme consider it an insult if their sub offered them money in sincere appreciation for a great session?

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:11:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine Guys NEVER get sex for free - it always costs something in some way. The thing is whether the cost is worth it. For the right person, the cost is always worth it Perfectly said, and very mature of you to have realized this. [;)] The other thing to realize is that women don't get sex for free either... I mean when's the last time you've gone out and picked up a lady who hasn't taken the time to make herlself look hot (whatever that means for each)? I know it's alittle expensive to be me even though I only do the basics, lol. quote: I have a question, would a non-Pro Domme consider it an insult if their sub offered them money in sincere appreciation for a great session? I'm one who has in my previous life been uncomfortable with money, so money as a direct approach makes me a little uneasy. But no I do not mind/get offended when a man gives me anything... I don't accept anything from someone I am disinterested in. If I am interested in him, it is impossible for him to be too generous, because I am very generous myself. M

LotusSong -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:18:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine Guys NEVER get sex for free - it always costs something in some way. The thing is whether the cost is worth it. For the right person, the cost is always worth it. Now I might RAFFLE a session on occasion..but it's for charity and all that :[sm=banana.gif][sm=applause.gif]

Bluebird -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:19:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine Guys NEVER get sex for free - it always costs something in some way. The thing is whether the cost is worth it. For the right person, the cost is always worth it. I have a question, would a non-Pro Domme consider it an insult if their sub offered them money in sincere appreciation for a great session? Yes, I would personally be highly insulted. And I do not mean any disrespect to Pro-Dommes by stating that - I would also not take money from a friend for helping her move (although a pro mover would and should), I would not take money from a stranger for giving them a lift to the gas station if they had a flat tire (although a tow truck driver would and should). If I am offering to sell something (i.e. I will build you a website for your business venture, and it will cost $X per hour), I will be very upfront about what I expect in return. If I give someone a gift of my time, then that is what it is - a gift. If my sub wanted to offer me something in thanks, then something like sending me a bouquet of my favorite flowers would be much more appropriate.

ToGiveDivine -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:28:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine Guys NEVER get sex for free - it always costs something in some way. The thing is whether the cost is worth it. For the right person, the cost is always worth it Perfectly said, and very mature of you to have realized this. [;)] Mature?? Me? I'm 43 and a big kid - I don't take myself too seriously, I enjoy a good laugh, I'll do goofy things to make others laugh. Haven't you ever heard, "Women grow up and men grow old, because men NEVER grow up" I just don't want to take advantage of anyone, male or female. I want to be respectful to everyone, male and female. Saying I'm mature may be stretching it a bit, maybe it's just that I'm aware of the world around me. Not that I'm perfect, I can screw up big time with little or no effort.

LotusSong -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:35:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ToGiveDivine I have a question, would a non-Pro Domme consider it an insult if their sub offered them money in sincere appreciation for a great session? When I first met Slave, he was one who only had experiences with Pros. We played and afterward.. he tried to hand me money before he left. WHOA! That stunned me. I asked WHY? He didn't know any different. THIS is why I wrote what I did. I noticed a lot of new Dommes would question their value and worth as a Domme based on if they got paid?! I don't begrudge anyone as to how they make a living. We all do what we do to survive. We just need to clarify. Getting paid for your domination does not clarify skill level. ANYone can put up a Pro shingle. The good Pros suffer along with the non-pros. One BAD Domme gets more "press" than 1000 good ones.

Jasmyn -> RE: Advice to a Domme (9/26/2006 2:38:33 PM)
My post, was a response as a woman ... not a dominatrix ... please anyone who wishes to respond to my post, not do so, until you can comprehend that distinction

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