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RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 10:59:54 AM   
BD123


Posts: 201
Joined: 8/12/2006
Status: offline 		 There are far to many negative people in this world, that take it upon themselves to be the only right ones!  Write what you fell comfortable with. Good luck,

(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 11:07:34 AM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Who really cares - it is better to be yourself - truthful, articulate, and caring... than to sit back and 'grunt' like the majority. I tend to 'trailblaze' - and develop new methods and applications - never happy with status quo..........
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to BD123)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 11:17:47 AM   
Frank01


Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERRocker

Who really cares - it is better to be yourself - truthful, articulate, and caring... than to sit back and 'grunt' like the majority. I tend to 'trailblaze' - and develop new methods and applications - never happy with status quo..........
MASTER Rocker


Always works better to trailblaze than tribalize.

(in reply to MASTERRocker)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 11:23:36 AM   
demistress


Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline 		Ok, first, I am a regular reader of and poster to these forums these days.   I rarely look up subs/slaves, I generally prefer they come to me on their virutal knees, or at least approach me first. I saw a few of the OP's posts, and one struck me to look up his profile.  I am the domme he speaks of, and notice, all you who would ASSUME the comment was NEGATIVE, he used the word polite, it was not done in sarcasm.  I wrote him a long, and detailed letter, and the particular passage he is referring to went so:

 I read your post on the forums and it lead me to read your profile here.  I am currently building my household, with the idea of soon starting a family. I do not find it likely that I will want you in the role of my lover, but that is not what you seek.  It is ENTIRELY possible that you might be very well suited for the role of chaste, cuckold, subservient hubby, if that suits you.  I am interested in finding someone who will be my support system.  Who will dedicate themselves to my happiness, to making my daily life easier and more comfortable.  The biggest concern I have with your profile is how vanilla it comes off.  Are you into other BDSM, or just the D/s relationship dynamic?  I am MORE about the power exchange than any other aspect of the lifestyle, but I do very much enjoy many other activities.

As you (hopefully) can see, this was not a CRITICISM but a QUESTION.  I will do the research, and look someone up on the forums, and see where they stand, and such, but I do like to see particular passions that the person has, the OP expressed MANY vanilla passions, and I found what he wrote about his vanilla life very appealing, which was also included in my email.  BUT I don't want JUST a guy who serves, blindly, obediently, without anything in the realm of sex, tease, denial, and ultimately rare, but greatly appreciated gratification.  That is an important part of MY world, and I was left wondering if the OP had ANY interest at ll in the kinkier side of things, because given my lifestyle, someone who wasn't INTO kink, wouldn't be a good addition, nor would they be likely to enjoy themselves in my world.

Mistress Heather

P.S. -- Littlesarbonn I find it cute when an author who has written books uses phrases like: "A heterosexual couple isn’t taboo in my book..." Pun on purpose?

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to MASTERRocker)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 2:08:24 PM   
zero69u2


Posts: 107
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		littlesarbonn I think less is better. maybe something like.
" I am a submissive male with a strong desire to please and be pleasant. I am seeking a single dominant woman for a long term relationship. i enjoy sexual service as well as domestic service and seek the total package domme. I have high self esteem and am very selective on the attractiveness, character and personality of the dominant that i'm seeking"

Something simple with thought.. and maybe add another paragraph of high energy.. always be positive in your profile..

Leave out all past relationship information. (all that stuff about being dominant and past relationships.) 
Things your profile is totally missing..
There is no BDSM interests in your Loves, Likes, Dislikes.
Your profile has no picture of you with a favorite stuffed animal or blanky or pet kitty..
Tell one funny story about racoons in the trash can, maybe a story about your pet kitty or a emotional piece about what terrifys you while your in bondage.

MsKat is right..  You'll need to email who your seeking to be successful.

Your a writer.. you are heads above the rest of us mere mortals.. :)

(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 2:24:18 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn


Now, for those who know me on the boards, I've been pretty upfront about the fact that I rarely, if ever, contact a woman on the boards about a potential relationship. This was a decision I made after reading one post after another, one profile after another, about how the dominant women on this board are so overwhelmed by wannabe subs that I vowed never to be one of the ones cluttering up their boxes. Instead, I figured that if a dominant woman was seeking me, she'd probably be contacting me instead of me contacting her. Sure, I realized this cut me out of 99 percent of the chances that most men would pursue because there's this really bizarre real world phenomenon where dominant women purport to be the ones in charge of relationships yet for socialization reasons still seem to believe that they need to rely on old world stereotypes of waiting for a man to contact them first. But I figured that for the ones that buck this trend, which is probably the kind of woman I'm seeking in the first place, this would not be a problem.




*** bold and italics mine***

I never wite to a Dom first. The one time I did, and all it was to compliment the photo as there really was no information in the profile at all. I liked the photo and after seeing it for a couple months I finally decided I had to write and say i liked the picture and that's pretty much all my message said. Well i've been seeing him now for almost 3 months and so far it's going great.

Sometimes if your gut says do something against your norm, go for it, it rally might be worth it *S*

As for your profile it sounds good to me. If you wanted to add some of your sexual likes you could just have them under your likes and dislikes list. Might give someone looking an idea as to what you might be into. Just a thought

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 2:53:43 PM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		Haha, now we need a thread on "Who should contact whom". I tend to contact a select few whose profiles seem to coincide with my interests, and if they don't respond, I don't persue. Again, a double edged sword that: by not being more insistent, am I being less domly?

But I suppose that means I'm missing out on a number that might be compatable, and who don't or won't initiate contact.

[/hijack]

Your profile looks fine to me littlesarbonn, although I'm probobly not the best judge.

It is an interesting dillema referred to in your last journal entry: in my experience, just open doors for women and generally act like a gentleman and you'll quickly find one happy to walk all over you.

A little more seriously, you might attempt ot ascertain where dominant women hang out: there's usually at least one place in any sizable university area where birds of a feather tend to flock - although it may end up being a lesbian bar.

Damn, if I didn't have so much stubborn, touchy pride, I might try that myself...

Try feminist bookstores, etc., maybe one of your sub friends can scout for you if discretion is a consideration.

Matchmaking is apparently a lost art, but you never know.



(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 3:18:16 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros



Matchmaking is apparently a lost art, but you never know.





Thanks for the comments. The funny thing about this comment here is that I have a lot of female friends who are vanilla or in the closet enough that I don't know what they're really into. I'll mention from time to time that it would be really cool if they could set me up with a friend, and they laugh as if I'm joking. I think they kind of assume I'm already involved with someone, even though they know right up front that I'm not. It's kind of a weird dynamic.

Maybe matchmaking isn't a lost art, but it just goes under another name in the phone book that I can't find.

(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 4:23:24 PM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		It is a bit strange, it's been very common practice throught the ages, and even a respected full time occupation at certain intervals - I do it, if it occurs to me, simply introducing people I think might hit it off, it sort of comes naturally to me - I have a talent for meeting people from all walks of life and  all kinds of expectations, and I mean, I can't have 'em all.

Something to do with the American attitude of non-involvment maybe, nobody want's to take credit if one of them turns out to be a psycho - though I think it fell out of style in the "me first" Eighties possibly, and just never got re-established as a common cultural behavior - all culture could be lost in a single generation, if you think about it - it can be stubbornly enduring, or very fragile.

Try begging them, hell, even I can do that.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 4:25:39 PM   
Amaros


Posts: 1363
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

Maybe matchmaking isn't a lost art, but it just goes under another name in the phone book that I can't find.



Yeah, "dating sites" - somehow, they lack quite the same cachet, unfortunately.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 4:34:48 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

It dose'nt matter how you write your profile someone is going to tell you it sucks. I got so tied of hearing that.  I told them to write a profile for me.  No one took me up on it. Change is constant. You will rewrite your profile many times. Go with is comfortable for you. Be yourself and the one that is looking for you will find you. 


I agree with Dnomyar's last statement.  My sub/best friend/lover contacted me initially (two years ago), and all he had in his profile at the time was "I am a submissive with an interest in serving a Mistress".  I think you can spell out anything you want in a profile, but the interactions beyond the initial profile are what will make the difference.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/27/2006 5:04:06 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		The importance of a 'good' profile, particularly for submissive males, has been, is and will continue to be, vastly overrated. 

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/28/2006 1:03:01 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

by trying to be as non-sexually seeking as possible, as non-bdsm laundry list listing as necessary, if I've completely given the wrong impression with my profile and derailed any attempt I'll ever have of actually finding someone of like mind.
I personally don't think your profile is too vanilla, but why would you try to be non sexually seeking if you think sex is a kool thing to have as part of a relationship?  
I understand there are dom/mes who are interested in servitude without sex.   My first slave wasn't heavy into sex, and ever since than, I ask.  I know there are slaves out there who seek to serve and never be permitted sex with the domina; obviously that is kool, just not for one who would be in my life.

I personally don't like men approaching in a disrespectful manner (propositioning me before courtship because they think dominas are just easy lay), but am here to tell you that if it were not for the sex, I wouldn't seek a partner at all, as it simply is too much work to incorporate someone into one's space/life...  Just my thoughts,   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 9/28/2006 2:04:55 AM   
Ebonflame


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/23/2006
From: Ohio... I think.
Status: offline 		Little Sabonn,

Personally, I loved your profile.  It wasn't too vanilla, but nor was it overly sexual.  And it provided excellent proof that you truly are submissive; a lot of 'fakes' talk on and on about their undying NEED to be dominated oh-so-greatly/harshly/cruelly/whatever else in bed, but they never include anything about the other aspects of their life.  Funny.

-Ebonflame

_____________________________

When love meets lust and joins with fetish, you'll know it's right.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 10/2/2006 12:26:48 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ebonflame

Little Sabonn,

Personally, I loved your profile.  It wasn't too vanilla, but nor was it overly sexual.  And it provided excellent proof that you truly are submissive; a lot of 'fakes' talk on and on about their undying NEED to be dominated oh-so-greatly/harshly/cruelly/whatever else in bed, but they never include anything about the other aspects of their life.  Funny.

-Ebonflame


Thank you. And thank you everyone for your comments in this thread.

(in reply to Ebonflame)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 10/2/2006 1:05:31 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Ok Jus lemme say little sarbonn, you are just way to cute!!! im thinkin Im gunna ask Master if I can let my Domme side out and adopt you cuz you are just way to sweet!! HEHE n iffin you like servise you can help me clean Masters apartment... LOL Gawd knows it aint a one slave job!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 10/2/2006 6:44:15 PM   
DivaDuchess


Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		If I were looking for a male sub/slave, your profile would have me writing to you to perhaps futher discuss your interests and how they would blend with Our home.  If you're worried about it being too vanilla, don't worry, it's not.  It's very concise, straight up and pretty much complete enough to engender interest.  It is not desperate, it's very full and informative.  Keep up the good work and good luck to you.



_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to Aubre)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 10/2/2006 7:06:53 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Amaros

Matchmaking is apparently a lost art, but you never know.



Hello A/all,

There was a time a few years back where a long term relationship had ended, I was working myself to death trying to a) survive and b) get into the union, and I was prowling internet dating sites trying to hook up with somebody because my loneliness and pain from the end of the relationship was palpable to me.

One day, I started to ponder the success rate to that particular approach.  I came to the conclusion that I probably seemed needy and desperate to the women I was meeting, if I actually decided the person I was chatting with was somebody I wanted to meet.

I found it wanting.  I had my profile up.  I posted here and a few other places.  But I decided that a better approach for me would be to decorate my own garden and soothe my own soul, rather than wait for somebody else to come up and fill the hole in my heart.

So I started searching on the internet for real life places to go to meet people and do things.  I love to dance.  But I really dislike going to smoke filled bars with drunks throwing their partner's into speakers.  I found a dance studio that has regular dances people go to, pay their $10, and dance until 2am with no booze involved.  To me, it was like a high school dance for all ages, I was revisiting my childhood, I was entranced.  This connection allowed me to make other connections.  I went to those places and did what I love without expectations of finding a relationship there.

It was difficult.  I would watch dance partners in perfect synchrony with each other and yearn to find somebody who would be with me and melt with me into a perfect synergy.  Then I would drive back to my stress-filled life.

Oddly enough, my whole paradigm shifted and suddenly I met somebody online who I find truly wonderful and articulate and submissive.  I was able to send her a polite note about an aspect of her profile which amused me.  She answered me, and O/our dance began.

What I would recommend to the OP would be to log off and go out into the real world, interact with people both vanilla and / or lifestyle, and decorate your own soul.  The one who is meant for you is out there, but a Zen koan states that "What you seek you will not find."  Work on yourself, and those you are currently looking for will recognize that and find you.

Good luck!

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Amaros)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 10/2/2006 7:12:20 PM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		I have had better success at live theatre, Centre in the Square, and my favorite - children's hockey or soccer games.......

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: A bdsmer's fear: Is my profile too vanilla - 10/2/2006 10:34:20 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy



What I would recommend to the OP would be to log off and go out into the real world, interact with people both vanilla and / or lifestyle, and decorate your own soul.  The one who is meant for you is out there, but a Zen koan states that "What you seek you will not find."  Work on yourself, and those you are currently looking for will recognize that and find you.




These kinds of assumptions seem to be made on these boards all the time. I've been "logging off" and going out into the real world for nearly a decade now. It's not like someone seeking a partner has to be living in the basement, only logging on the computer for outside social stimulation. I teach at a private university. I'm outside of my home almost ALL the time.

http://www.punktuatedequilibrium.com
my bdsm blog site with articles and stories, constantly being updated.

< Message edited by littlesarbonn -- 10/2/2006 10:37:03 PM >

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 40
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