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internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 7:45:47 AM

wouldlike2

Posts: 89
Joined: 9/25/2005
Status: offline

i am really curiuos about what people think?

the internet, a site like CM offers the oppertunity to find the right One, either switch, sub, slave, Dom Master to everyone.
also often i heard - i am interested in someOne close by my aera.
i do ask myself really first of all does people really let circumstances determine where feelings, emotions, desires us guide?
beside that i personally think i can meet the right One everywhere, sitting on the beach far away from home and what then?
is it expected in this lifestyle that relations have to be settled after a couple of days? months?

for me it is a kind of contradiction using the world wide web and on the same time to limit myself by a surrounding aera of 50 miles - smile -
i think munches, fetish parties, groups in this aera would be better for a search?
am i wrong with? and why for so many is a long distance connection may a bad situation to settle down, working out together finally?

thanks a lot for responding?

pet

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Love arises from the mind while the body follows and reflect the soul

Post #: 1

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:13:01 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

I would have missed out on so much had I limited myself in that way.
Not much going on in the corn fields of Indiana despite what you may have heard to the contrary!
Lots of luck to ya on your search!

~Christina

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 2

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:16:44 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I think that is depends on your life. Can your relocate, do you have money to travel to develop a relationship, do both of you have family that you would not want to leave behind, can you emotionally withstand being away from your partner for the length of time that it takes for the two of you to be living in a relationship under the same roof. Every answer will be different

I am currently seeing someone 4 hours away from me, and it is difficult to be away from him, more so everyday we are apart. This is not an easy thing to cope with on some days, but we have things to accomplish separately before we can be together. That is the facts of the matter. It can be worthwhile, but if a person can find someone down the street before they attach themselves to someone far away I can understand doing that.

But the fact is nothing worth having is "easy" either.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 3

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:17:41 AM

suraya

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline

personally, when i was seeking, i only was looking in my state, fairly close to me, only because i have done the long distance thing with horrible results. its just not for me. its bad enough that my Sir and i are almost 2 hours apart and hardly get to see each other, its just knowing that He IS close, and i CAN see Him whenever i want, as long as work schedules and such permit. at one point i was thinking what the heck, what does it matter where He lives, and i found myself in a 3 year relationship with a Dom from Peru, He lived here for awhile and i lived there for awhile, but when push came to shove and He could not stay here anymore, we ultimately broke up because of the distance. i know thats an extreme case, but from that experience and another i had, i know that it is too stressful for me, and i really could not relocate due to family commitments. now if i were to ever(god forbid) seek again, i would not seek anyone outside of my state and perhaps even closer than the 2 hours that i have now. to each there own, this is just my opinion for whats its worth.

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 4

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:18:12 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

Some people claim to have had pleasant outcomes & others have had devastating ones.

Some people have met people online & after time met them face to face & found the love of their lives & others have met someone who wasn't the person in the pic or found themselves stood up altogether.

Just like going to the local pub & taking a chance on meeting someone there .... the net is the same crap shoot with the same chances... what it all boils down to is what lengths are you able to go if you actually meet someone 3000 miles away. Are you prepared to uproot yourself & relocate? Let's say you do & you end up 3000 miles away & in a best case scenario, a new job, a place of your own & everything transitioned well on your end ............ & you end up not really being into this person like you thought you might be or worse... you're head over hills & they decide you aren't what they want. Now your 3000 miles from the established life you once had. Now consider this.. what if the person you talk to is in anotrher country. Immigration isn't the easiest thing to do these days. I'd suggest you consider this before you talk to people outside the country.

No matter what you decide to do... just make sure you know what you getting yourself into before you make life altering decisions.

Best of luck to you

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 9/27/2006 8:21:03 AM >

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MstrssPassion

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 5

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:19:39 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

There are many obstacles in any relationship being built. Distance is certainly one of them. When the human on the other side of you is face-to-face, it is ever so much easier to come to the conclusion of your love for that person, or alternatively 'Ich kann dich durch shauen, oder?'

If your limitations are not inclusive of a fairly tight timeline, ist macht nichts, ja?

Every point on the map will have an opinion here, but in the end, it is what is inside you and what you will allow, I think.

Sincerely,
Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 6

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:37:24 AM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

I met Sir here on CM. He lives 6 hours away. I don't limit myself to 50 miles *S* as that would barely put me into the next town for possibilities. I tried meeting people here in town but the "community" is desperately small or well hidden here. We have more swingers then kinksters.

I will admit that I tend not to let meself get involved with someone that seeing atleast semi regularly while we get to know each other would not be possible. I know it works for some to go months between seeing the other person but it doesn't work for me. I know my limnitations and stick with in them. I said it in a thread a while ago. With out consistant contact i'll drift.

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(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 7

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:40:30 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I've done long distance relationships of various kinds off and on all during my adult life. My first was being married to a Navy man. My most current it with my girl anne. We are almost a continent apart. However, I am simply tired off this kind of relationship and will have moved to Phoenix by this time next year. I need personal contact in order to be truly happy in a relationship. I'm able to put aside this need for extended periods of time. One of the things that makes this easier is the fact we are not only poly, but of different sexual orientations. So, she and I are able to get physical needs met outside of our Ms relationship. If this weren't true for me, I don't think I'd have considered it. LDRs can be tough and I have a lot less patience for it than I once did.

Even so, LDRs can work (as is obvious by our example), even if they are monogamous. It depends on the devotion of the two people involved. Most people don't want to do it because physical contact is limited. This means that the kinds of service and sex are limited.

Master Fire

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(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 8

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 8:43:45 AM

raiken

Posts: 868
Joined: 10/18/2005
Status: offline

My advice: i go by one motto. If i don't put myself out there, then no one will see me, or know i exist. Use whatever means you can to make yourself known. Go into it with no expectations of other than being seen, viewed, heard of, and make your presence a part of something greater, of which the internet is one of many mediums available. Don't search as hard, don't fret over not meeting the "one". It is easier to let your goal be to make friends, who know friends, etc. Word of mouth is a wonderful tool of networking. Go to munches, go to events, go on the web, and any other place where you can make yourself visible. Some avenues may prove to be more fruitful at times than others, but the point is to keep a steady resolve and put out the right intentions. If you expect too much, you will become overly anxious and frustrated. Patience is the key, and while you are developing patience, always be mindful of learning and observing what is around you, and always continue to work on yourself while you wait. Best wishes to you. *smile

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 9

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 9:19:31 AM

DOM33416

Posts: 61
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline

The realities of your life often determine the possibilities of your future. Jobs , family , finances , friends , many other thing that can keep you from exploring.

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"Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don't count."

(in reply to raiken)

Post #: 10

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 9:33:35 AM

gardenbluebird

Posts: 131
Joined: 5/9/2006
Status: offline

Practical realities do have a huge impact on relationships. I once had a relationship with a wonderful compatable dominant fail because of life circumstances. Distance is certainly an issue that makes a relationship harder.

That being said, much depends on the individuals involved and the realities of their respective lives. For me, at this stage in my life, I put a limit of one hour of driving distance. I'm in a fairly large city and I have lots of responsiblitis at home, so that standard works well for me.

(in reply to DOM33416)

Post #: 11

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 9:36:08 AM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
Status: offline

I always seek someone in Jersey or Pa/ Delaware because that would be rather close to me...I don't even begin to get involved with someone so far away because with my children I am unable to relocate so why get my hopes up for something that will never be..Long distance relationships do NOT work for "me" but they have worked out quite well turning into marriage for others so it's hard to say.....whatever works.

(in reply to gardenbluebird)

Post #: 12

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 10:54:31 AM

jesskitty

Posts: 185
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline

one reason is the probablity of a relationship like that working in real time. i've personally been one of those people to fall for people online before that you just click with and have found out of the many unfortunatly that i have become attached to the farthest most guys will go is a phone call and won't do anything else to make it more real. on my side, one i'm young and a college student that is looking for a part time job. school and my degree is my top and high proierty right now in life and since i haven't been sucessful in getting a part time job i don't have a flow of income to rely on and i don't like to ask my folks for money alot since their paying for me to go to school. it makes no sense to pack up my bags and live with a partner and go through all that headache of trying to find a university where i am that has my major and minor and fits well with me and what i can pay. i'm deadly against being a kept girl and don't want someone that will pay for everything, i want to be two self sufficent people or starting to become self sufficent people joining/unioning together. so for these reasons and the fact that i've learned from expereince most guys are unwilling to make the move here but except their partners to make the move instead that it does not do good for seraching outside of where you live statewise or country wise.

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 13

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 11:02:03 AM

WhyteRavenne

Posts: 125
Joined: 9/16/2006
Status: offline

I have cyberdated with people that have residence in other countries. It's hard, because what if you do hit it off, can either of you move that far? Immigrate? So many questions.

Of course, even within your own country, there are problems. I live in a very "white collar" city. There is a high level of extreme kink that I'm not interested in, here, but chicken scratchings of the style I'm interested in. The closest "blue collar" city, that seems to have what I want, is only 3 hours away, so, I'm sure things will work out fine. However, being unable to move (family responsibilities) sometimes makes it difficult.

Now that preamble is out of the way. I think ldr's are wonderful, IF, you are willing to work at it, are clear up front about your wants and needs and are both willing. Sometimes they can last for years (dear nonkink friend of mine had talked for 9 before drifting apart).

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Last night, you were, unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me.... do it again! - Morticia Addams

(in reply to jesskitty)

Post #: 14

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 11:04:57 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

The young woman I am currently communicating with lives in Paris France right now. I have known her for about 2 1/2 years and met her in a chat room on a vanilla site. I was not looking to meet from there and was quite clear about it. It was just a way to pass time in another computer window. We became friends and gotten to know one another outside the net world. Drifting in and out of one anothers lives, considering the realities and possibities.

I have had the good fortune to meet in person many of the friends I have made via the net though I have never had a relationship with one. Primarily because I was in an on and off tempestious relationship with someone for most of the time I have been online and the rest of my life is busy. Too busy to be treking all over the world.

The girl in my life now, though she lives primarily in Paris now, is quite mobile. She has spent the last month traveling in Turkey and Greece visiting family. When I first got to know her she was alternating between Paris, NYC, Florida and LosAngeles, California. Needless to say traveling is not an obstacle. She does not have to worry about a work schedule and vacation time. I don't think I would get involved with anyone that lived a long distance from me and could not travel and eventually move or at least spend alot of time here. I need to have a home base near my family. I am very open to traveling to be with her as work and finances allow. I am also not terribly attached to my job here. It pays the bills, it is not a dream career.

I think the validity of long distance is so individual based upon the people and their needs. I don't want an internet/phone relationship. I want to wake up with the person, have coffee, discuss the day ahead, squabble over bathroom time, all the stuff people that live together do. For others it may be very different.

Who knows what my particular situation may become. As soon as I get some stuff settled we are going to arrange to spend some more time together, face to face etc, rather than emails, photos, and quick phone calls. Time will tell.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 9/27/2006 11:09:08 AM >

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Post #: 15

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 11:22:00 AM

Frank01

Posts: 270
Joined: 9/7/2006
Status: offline

The pool of people into this is very small. Your specialty may force you to search beyond your local area.

(in reply to wouldlike2)

Post #: 16

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 11:22:14 AM

redpetals

Posts: 229
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I think that "out of country" is a serious issue..as is any relocation..if you are a property owner.have kids,animals...etcetera..But the real truth is that you can be two hours away from a Master and still be unbridgable worlds apart.
Sometimes the most seemingly unlikely looking relationships will surprise you. So..I think that if you know what you absolutly can not do, ie; get rid of / relocate without old bowser or old scratch,(or 20 horses) sell your home or rent it out, change schools or jobs..leave aging dependant parents..things like this..and check those issues out first..then the distance thing is "workable."
Good luck in your search.I hope your brain engages fully before your heart does.

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Love is a verb.

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Post #: 17

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 11:42:41 AM

purelea2003

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

I've several online friendships that I've put literally years into but never met the person. That's not My idea of a life. Like LaTigresse, I want to wake up with My partner & have coffee, etc. So, although I'll certainly answer emails from distances I fully expect anyone serious to make the trip to meet with as little delay as possible. If the connection is there relocation is required in a timely fashion. There's no sense to spinning My wheels if W/we're not going anywhere - save the rubber!

(in reply to redpetals)

Post #: 18

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 11:57:15 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

raiken you mentioned the most important word Paitence. Without that stay out of long distance relationships or any relationship for that matter. I have several friends who met their spouses thru long distance. So it can work. But the oppisite is also true if you don't have patience. I think that everyone has offered good advice here.

(in reply to redpetals)

Post #: 19

RE: internet and possibilities - long distance relations - 9/27/2006 1:31:31 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

In the end it is to each there own, a person's opportunities, resources and personality for what works best.

I have done the local community approach (a long time ago) and online. Personally face to face is better but for many of us depending on what we are looking for or location, face to face severely limits your options. I am looking online so I am somewhat bias writing this but most women who have horror stories about online are ones who went way too fast and/or had limited resources to move slowly and have strung out the process by a long courtship and many many visits to truly get to know the person. Just meeting a person face to face does not make them more honest or honest with themselves and what they are wanting. It just makes it easier to figure that out and more time to let initial fatuation and desire for the life fade and see if you genuinely care for the person.

While I think long distance is more difficult, it is not impossible and not way behind local meetings. I think the medium is OK but the way people try is what fails most. Most I have seen work are the ones who take the their time, move slowly in the steps and have the resources to visit often. The ones that fail are usually the ones where the people try to move way too fast, make big steps after a meeting or two and have such limited resources that puts stress on the relationship from the start.

In the end these are all relationships and no matter where you find them there is a percentage that failure is just going to happen and if you moved to another city then you have to be able to accept that failure might happen and if you can cope, but certainly the first question that a person must seriously ask themselves if they can relocate. Can you leave family, friends and your job? Have you moved around already in your life? It is not just about M/s!

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 20

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