|
Chaingang -> New and Improved Jesus (9/27/2006 10:34:33 AM)
|
You know, I was getting tired of my old dying and resurrecting god so I started looking around for a new one. I found him!
Osama bin Laden, of course!!!
Every time the administration needs to cycle some fear-based quasi-success story through the media, they dust off this Osama guy and bang he is front page news.
Seriously, when was the last time that old Jesus made the front pages? That sorry old has-been just cannot get work any longer.
-----
Alleged deaths
-----------------
Reports alleging Osama bin Laden's death have appeared from time to time.
December 2001
On December 26, 2001 FOX News stated “Usama bin Laden has died a peaceful death due to an untreated lung complication, the Pakistan Observer reported, citing a Taliban leader who allegedly attended the funeral of the Al-Qaeda leader.” [30] However, on September 9, 2002 an audio tape puportedly made by bin Laden was broadcast on al Jazeera. [31] US intelligence officials concluded the tape was genuine [32], as did French researcher Bernard Gautheron, director of the phonetic testing laboratory at the Institute of Linguistics and Phonetics in Paris [33]. Researchers at the Dalle Molle Institute for Perceptual Artificial Intelligence, in Martigny, Switzerland, claimed they were 95% sure the recording was a fake [34], but they since have refused to evaluate subsequent tapes.[35]
April 2005
The Sydney Morning Herald stated "Dr Clive Williams, director of terrorism studies at the Australian National University, says documents provided by an Indian colleague suggested bin Laden died of massive organ failure in April last year...'It's hard to prove or disprove these things because there hasn't really been anything that allows you to make a judgment one way or the other', Dr. Williams said."[36]
August 2006
On September 23, 2006 the French newspaper L'Est Républicain quoted a report from the French secret service (DGSE) stating that Osama bin Laden had died in Pakistan on August 23, 2006 after contracting a case of typhoid fever that paralyzed his lower limbs. According to the newspaper, Saudi security services first heard of bin Laden's alleged death on September 4, 2006.[37][38][39] The alleged death was reported by the Saudi Arabian secret service to its government, which reported it to the French secret service. The French defence minister Michèle Alliot-Marie expressed her regret that the report had been published while French President Jacques Chirac declared that bin Laden's death had not been confirmed.[40] American authorities also cannot confirm reports of bin Laden's death,[41] with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice saying only, "No comment, and no knowledge."[42] Later, CNN's Nic Robertson said that he had received confirmation from an anonymous Saudi source that the Saudi intelligence community has known for a while that bin Laden has a water-borne illness, but that he had heard no reports that it was specifically typhoid or that he had died.[43]
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osama_bin_Laden
-----
I mean, this guy has more lives than my cat - it's amazing and utterly astounding. It certainly gets my vote for the "Greatest Story Ever Told."
That's right, Osama bin Laden - takes a licking and keeps on ticking. New and improved Jesus for 2006. You might as well simply discard that old Jesus right now! There's a new Jesus in town and he knows where his towel is - right on his head!
|
|
|
|
