What am I doing wrong???

What am I doing wrong??? (Full Version)

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eroticBBWsub -> What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:35:14 PM)
I have been on CM for a little awhile now. I have ventured into chat several times as my schedule permits. I have a well written, thought out profile. Or at least I thought it was. I thought I was clear and direct about what I am seeking. I am a serious, trained, experienced submissive. Yet all I am getting are brief messages and PMs in the chat rooms from "Doms" who want sex. I am clear and honest about not engaging in casual sex, and yet I still get asked to meet them for sex or to be a F*** buddy. Im very frustrated, and not sure what is wrong with my profile that it is attracting only the men who want laid, and not attracting any potential D/s partner. What do I need to change so that it better conveys what I am seeking??? What do I need to change so that men who want a relationship contact me, VS those men who just want casual or quick sexual encounters??? Any suggestions or help would be greatly appreciated. Im not new to submission, but I am new to CM and "meeting" a Dom this way. I feel like quitting, yet so many people have told me this is the best place to meet D/s partners. So what am I doing wrong???

alwayshis1 -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:41:14 PM)
maybe all you are doing wrong is expecting to much to fast?,,,, you havent been there that long at all. but thats just my opinion

pleazuredpain -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:41:58 PM)
From reading your profile you are doing nothing wrong. Take your time and don't seek out a Dominant in only one place. Attend a few munches, parties, etc. etc.

MASTERRocker -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:41:59 PM)
Simple Hon most 'men' and 'some' woman can only read the first five or six words......... your profile says...I am seeking an erotic Dominant

RedSavageSlave -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:42:37 PM)
you are getting exactly what every one else gets on here. Just weed through them slowly (or quickly as the case may require) and be patient. In between all the incompatibles who cant read a profile, you will get a few hits that are much closer to what you are seeking. For many here.. it takes months sometimes years to find the one who is right for you. If you are looking for a quick setup.. then you are being unrealistic.. Good luck as you continue your search :)

SweetSarijane -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:46:22 PM)
Relax....a lot of it is probably the Troll Patrol. Ignore, delete and block are your friends lol. You might set your search parameters as far as age, location etc. which will then put any mail outside those parameters quietly into your bulk folder. You aren't doing anything wrong....this is a regular thing with any new female to the site.

justheather -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:46:55 PM)
Nothing is wrong with your profile. When you first join up, you are placed on a list of "new members". Unfortunately, the HNG faction tends to use this list the way telemarketers do. They just send out mass emails to anyone who has the right set of chromasomes and hope to get lucky. If you hang around long enough for that particular storm to pass, you should see a sharp decline in the number of messages you get every day and hopefully once the dust clears you can start weeding through looking for the good ones. A lot of the non-idiots actually wait until you've had the profile up for a while before contacting you because they know you are being inundated right now. My advice would be just hold tight, adjust things in your profile if you think you need to (maybe you could make it more personal by discussing some interests you have) but don't go with a complete overhaul based on the emails you are getting now, and hang out on the boards in the meantime. Or you could take the bull by the horns and make first contact with doms you find interesting. I think a big mistake some people make is that they put all kinds of "DON'T" and "IM NOT INTERESTED IN..." lines in their profile during this phase and it makes them look negative to the doms who are sincere. Best of luck to you!

MomentsofHistory -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:54:14 PM)
I just want to suggest patience! I think that CM can be easily abused by people not truly interested in much more than a quick fix... I've been letting everything fall into place on its own, using as much patience as I can and I already like what I am seeing... Good luck to you, patience will pay off!!!

diamonddreamlove -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 5:55:48 PM)
I have not been here a long time but the emails i have gotten were mostly decent. The ones that were not soon were told no thank You as politely as i could do it. Now and then i would even take my profile into the inactive status so that i could take time to consider my feelings about some of the good bad and the flat out and out evil (yummy) that i have met here. Now i am inactive as the profile needs to be rewritten to indicate some changes in my life. Either way just continue to hang out it will get better and just say nope when necessary take a break and come back for more. In the long run i think this is better than a couple other sites i belong to if that tells you anything. Good luck. diamond

MasterFireMaam -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/27/2006 6:06:40 PM)
Welcome to the internet. There are simply a whole hell of a lot of horny men out there...who think that finding a woman into BDSM is a fast way to find a quick and easy lay. Simply say, "No thank you," and ignore them. Things take time. Be patient...and go to real time groups, too. Oh, and us Dominant females get the same thing! Master Fire

MstrssPassion -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/28/2006 5:28:20 AM)
All new female profiles are fresh meat for the site sharks. I tested this theory a while back. I set up a profile & maxed out the age... I think it was 99. I put up a grainy photo that I found on google & only wrote one sentence that made no sense. My best guess is that the profile was fully visible at about 2:45 am because that is when the mail started rolling in... within 5 hours there was over 175 emails. I opened most of the emails & each one was more repulsive than the next. There were vile suggestions of bizarre sex acts, along with the typical you're gorgeous or the you're ugly comments. I closed the account after that since I just wanted to test this theory. So maybe that is what you are facing... My only other comment would be your choice of names... you are using erotic which might be suggestive of desiring sex hook-ups. Maybe you should pick a name that is not as suggestive but then you will have to weed through the feeding frenzy with another new profile. It was also brought up that you should be patient. Many of us can tell you that we spent years looking for partners & most of these people will also tell you that they looked in places away from online as well. Good luck

glassdoll -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/28/2006 6:18:30 AM)
though it may be hard, step out in real life and find yourself a dom.

Pimpernell -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/28/2006 6:48:27 AM)
Change the first paragraph of your profile to something less "erotic". Have you thought about writing to Doms rather than waiting for them to write to you?

gypsylee -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/28/2006 8:23:21 AM)
ok. you're an experienced submissive. enjoy your freedom while you can girl! [sm=evil.gif] have fun. muck around. tell the horn-dog losers where to go. be yourself ~ yeah it's a crappy cliche but you sound like a nice lady and when you're least expecting it, the right Dom will come and snap you up. booyakasha!

Kinkypupper -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/28/2006 9:06:59 AM)
There are a lot of people here who are "wannabes" and just want some quick and fast sex.. Unfortunately you will have to weed threw them .

CrappyDom -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/28/2006 9:20:20 AM)
First off, the chat here is as idiotic as chat anywhere. Most of them have never even seen another S&M person in real life. What people have said about the initial storm of responses is true as is putting the bit about putting the sexy stuff at the bottom of your profile. As a dominant who is actively looking (although BBWs are not to my likeing) I think that having "don'ts" and other negatives is fine as long as it isn't over the top. What I look for is a person who knows who and what they are and can express that clearly. The fluffier and more BDSM the profile is the less interested I am the more it describes the person behind it in the broader sense the more I AM interested.

Voltare -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/29/2006 8:28:24 PM)
Hello there, and welcome to the site. The most obvious answer has been overlooked, I'm afraid. When men write to profiles, they often copy and paste the same tired 5 (or 10 or 4000) word reply and mass send them to 1000 profiles. Odds are, the men who are writing you probably haven't even read your profile. The same is true for chat rooms, unfortunately. Most people there expect to make 'insta-friends.' Meaning, they want to have cybersex, or phone sex, and are just looking to meet someone for the moment to fill that particular vacancy. So what do you do? (I can hear the question!) You just figured it out. The forums here at collarchat.com are some of the most interesting BDSM related conversations I've found on the net. Here, instead of dealing with 'insta fix' folks, you get to read the actual comments by people with something on their mind besides 'u r so hot baby.' You can draw your own conclusions based on the quality of what people say, and the opinions they have on subjects. Also, these forums are very active, but not bursting and overcrowded like a few sites I know (bondage.com is an excellent site, but literally overflowing with people.) You'll start to see the same names over and over, and by almost every post you write, you give hundreds of people a chance to see what kind of a person you are! So stop mucking around with profiles and chat, and start hanging out here in the forums. It takes a few days to get the hang of it, but it's worth it. Stephan

zero69u2 -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (9/30/2006 11:43:28 PM)
eroticbbw you should have sex with all of them.. how else are you going to get new friends..

patina -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (10/3/2006 4:55:49 PM)
Unfortunatly it seems some men just don't have the balls to be able to be a real man so have to act like a Dom and deemand sex to prove you are a sub. All of us gals go through the pile of cruds. You just learn to delete and block. To recognize the type and ignore. You also learn to not use provocative names or start your profiles with sexy remarks. You start kinda boring so only a really interested Dom will take the time to read through it. Give it time it wil calm down pay attention to the forum it is a great learning tool here. Patina

Dom4fem -> RE: What am I doing wrong??? (10/4/2006 2:14:31 AM)
From a Doms point of view, in part agree with the other couple of Doms that have responded. When I look at a long profile, unless there is something of interest to me with in the first few lines, or I do not see any interesting key words that are of interest to me, I would move on. As some of the female sub and Dommes pointed out, make the first few lines less erotic and more about what interests you, leaving the erotic word lower down with in your profile.

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