Fun gone wrong!

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Fun gone wrong!

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Fun gone wrong!

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Fun gone wrong! - 1/16/2005 8:37:40 PM

cyn1031

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

I have a problem in which any advice would be much appreciated. I went to a play party last night with some friends of mine that are in the lifestyle and whom I happen to be staying with for a little while. They have been married for several years and in the lifestyle for just as long. I once wore the collar of this man and his wife is a friend of mine. I no longer wear his collar for reasons I don't want to get into right now...different problem. Anyway, last night she and I wanted to play a little bit so we started an age play scene where I was 7 and she was 10. "Daddy" got very frustrated and spanked our butts when we were bad. This all started about an hour or so before the play party. When we got to the party we continued the scene and received more spankings.

After things slowed down and the scene had been played out I began to get very emotional and felt abandoned because he went back to normal with his wife and I was left alone. I had never done age play before and didn't realize that I was in subspace from it. I don't know how to handle coming out of subspace on my own.

Does anyone have any suggestions? What can I do to "come down" on my own without feeling abandoned? Should I make sure I have someone on standby to help me out?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/16/2005 8:52:12 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

You might find this thread helpful, but i realize your case isn't quite the same:

..subbie flu

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to cyn1031)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/16/2005 9:02:26 PM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

After things slowed down and the scene had been played out I began to get very emotional and felt abandoned because he went back to normal with his wife and I was left alone. I had never done age play before and didn't realize that I was in subspace from it. I don't know how to handle coming out of subspace on my own.

Does anyone have any suggestions? What can I do to "come down" on my own without feeling abandoned? Should I make sure I have someone on standby to help me out?

Cyn1031,

I've never been in that particular situation. However, I bottomed to a Top for a long time who just isn't an after-care kind of guy. My previous experiences had included aftercare, so I have experienced what you describe.

What I would do is make sure someone who I was close to was around for the aftercare. Often, my blood sugar dropped during scene, so there was someone who knew that I needed something to eat, be it fruit or something else, and that would help to bring me around. The Top would often make sure there was a blanket available for me when we were done as well. After the first couple times of this, I spoke with his submissive/wife about the lack of aftercare and she told me it's not his strong suit, and that I should make arrangements for myself afterwards.

As I write this, I realize it sounds rather sterile and unfeeling on his part and could be construed as abusive to me, as a bottom. I assure you it was not at all. He just has limitations and was aware that I would arrange for my own aftercare when we were done. I never felt angry at him for his inability to administer after, and this was not an unsafe environment.

This also is probably not what you'd hoped to hear, but I can only offer my experience. As I have grown out of bottoming and am only Topping now, he is still the one Top I would bottom to given the chance, anywhere, anytime....

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to cyn1031)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/16/2005 9:21:13 PM

SirTyson

Posts: 126
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: Chicago, Il
Status: offline

Just from what you wrote, in my opinion it sounds like one of two things. It could very well be the lack of after care. One thing is to have someone on "standby" for this or figure out a way to care for yourself afterwards, or maybe talk to him about it. Since you said you wore his collar once Im sure he knows you well, so if you talk to him about your need for aftercare maybe he can help you.

Also a question that comes to mind, is this the first time you have played with him and his wife since not wearing his collar anymore? Maybe there are still some emotional ties hiding inside you that have just resurfaced again. I'm not saying this is the case since I dont know your situation with them or what happened that you dont wear his collar, but just something you may want to think about.

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/17/2005 4:03:35 PM

Tempestspet

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

you don't mention this, but when you were collared to Him, was this lack of aftercare present? Or is this something new that has come up?
i am also wondering if it's wise to play with an old Master, when your uncollaring stemmed from some kind of problem, and whether it's good to play....AND... live with Him, and his wife / collared sub?
Perhaps this has something to do with the lack of caring on His part, and the obvious choice of affection and aftercare towards His wife, who undoubtedly knows about your past relationship with Him. And His desire to keep preoblems out of His marriage?
Just a thought, and hoping i did not offend....

Tempest's pet

(in reply to cyn1031)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/17/2005 6:39:03 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

Time, breathing slow deep breaths in the nose and out the mouth, as well as having a drink or two and or a smoke will help you feeling back to normal faster.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to cyn1031)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/17/2005 6:42:35 PM

Suleiman

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

A great big cuddly stuffed animal waiting for you when you get home, along with a nice soft blanket and plenty of hot chocolate.

In my experience, that combo fixes damn near everything.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to cyn1031)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/17/2005 7:09:53 PM

cyn1031

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirTyson

Just from what you wrote, in my opinion it sounds like one of two things. It could very well be the lack of after care. One thing is to have someone on "standby" for this or figure out a way to care for yourself afterwards, or maybe talk to him about it. Since you said you wore his collar once Im sure he knows you well, so if you talk to him about your need for aftercare maybe he can help you.

Also a question that comes to mind, is this the first time you have played with him and his wife since not wearing his collar anymore? Maybe there are still some emotional ties hiding inside you that have just resurfaced again. I'm not saying this is the case since I dont know your situation with them or what happened that you dont wear his collar, but just something you may want to think about.

This is actually the second time I have played with him and his wife without the collar. The first time his wife was a little bit drunk and allowed him to do some things that she normally wouldn't have. This time I feel like she purposely took all of his attention out of jealousy. There are many deep feelings between the two of us that do not include her. That causes major problems in their relationship. That is part of the reason I am not collared to him any more...it is a long story. I guess I need to just not play with them any more.

(in reply to SirTyson)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/17/2005 7:17:13 PM

cyn1031

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tempestspet

you don't mention this, but when you were collared to Him, was this lack of aftercare present? Or is this something new that has come up?
i am also wondering if it's wise to play with an old Master, when your uncollaring stemmed from some kind of problem, and whether it's good to play....AND... live with Him, and his wife / collared sub?
Perhaps this has something to do with the lack of caring on His part, and the obvious choice of affection and aftercare towards His wife, who undoubtedly knows about your past relationship with Him. And His desire to keep preoblems out of His marriage?
Just a thought, and hoping i did not offend....

Tempest's pet

No offense was taken...I don't think it is a wise choice for me to be living here either. I was in a situation that was not good for me and he insisted on helping me out. I will be leaving one week from today.

When I was collared to him aftercare was not a problem. I know that it is just to keep his wife happy. I probably should have realized this before play but she and I talked and she insisted that all would be equal. The punishment was equal but the aftercare all went to her. She was there the day I was collared and she was the reason the collar was removed...so it was stupidity on my part thinking I could play with them. She is not his collared sub and she is the one who chose me for him. I guess she couldn't deal with it.

I am going to shut up now before I go on a rant...it still hurts!

(in reply to Tempestspet)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/17/2005 7:24:46 PM

cyn1031

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

You might find this thread helpful, but i realize your case isn't quite the same:

..subbie flu

Thank you so much...that did help. I need to go out and get some vitamins and iron suppliments as well as St Johns Wort. Hopefully it will help!

(in reply to proudsub)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/17/2005 7:42:14 PM

SirTyson

Posts: 126
Joined: 12/8/2004
From: Chicago, Il
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cyn1031

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirTyson

Just from what you wrote, in my opinion it sounds like one of two things. It could very well be the lack of after care. One thing is to have someone on "standby" for this or figure out a way to care for yourself afterwards, or maybe talk to him about it. Since you said you wore his collar once Im sure he knows you well, so if you talk to him about your need for aftercare maybe he can help you.

Also a question that comes to mind, is this the first time you have played with him and his wife since not wearing his collar anymore? Maybe there are still some emotional ties hiding inside you that have just resurfaced again. I'm not saying this is the case since I dont know your situation with them or what happened that you dont wear his collar, but just something you may want to think about.

This is actually the second time I have played with him and his wife without the collar. The first time his wife was a little bit drunk and allowed him to do some things that she normally wouldn't have. This time I feel like she purposely took all of his attention out of jealousy. There are many deep feelings between the two of us that do not include her. That causes major problems in their relationship. That is part of the reason I am not collared to him any more...it is a long story. I guess I need to just not play with them any more.

This definitely doesnt sound like I healthy situation for you cyn. You say she chose you for him and she is the reason the collar was removed. It sounds like she isnt sure what she wants and is the one with the issues here. For your emotional safety I would try to avoid playing with them in the future. Im sorry you have to go through this and I hope it all works out for you in the end!!!

(in reply to cyn1031)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/18/2005 7:25:05 AM

MistressFire70

Posts: 378
Joined: 7/25/2004
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

A more permanent solution: DO have a backup, a friend who you can turn to when you need what you're missing. Most of all, don't be afraid to ask for what you need. While we should be self reliant for love, self esteem and self assurance, we just flat out have needs that we can’t meet ourselves, such as intimacy, sexual or emotional, with another person.

A more temporary solution: quiet time, with comforting things (although, I personally don’t like the idea of using alcohol or drugs as recommended by another). I’ve taken ritual baths where I lay peaceful in the water, focusing on my personal energy, then washed head to toe (bringing down the spiritual energy to replenish), then toe to head (bringing up the anchor from the root).

I wish you well.

Fire
Dominant little

_____________________________

you have come to a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.

(in reply to cyn1031)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Fun gone wrong! - 1/18/2005 3:54:50 PM

cyn1031

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressFire70

A more permanent solution: DO have a backup, a friend who you can turn to when you need what you're missing. Most of all, don't be afraid to ask for what you need. While we should be self reliant for love, self esteem and self assurance, we just flat out have needs that we can’t meet ourselves, such as intimacy, sexual or emotional, with another person.

A more temporary solution: quiet time, with comforting things (although, I personally don’t like the idea of using alcohol or drugs as recommended by another). I’ve taken ritual baths where I lay peaceful in the water, focusing on my personal energy, then washed head to toe (bringing down the spiritual energy to replenish), then toe to head (bringing up the anchor from the root).

I wish you well.

Fire
Dominant little

That is a wonderful idea...a ritual bath would help me ground and center. Thank you so much for that advice! I have a very difficult time letting others know what I need. I usualy just sit back and suffer. I guess if I opened my mouth once in a while someone would be able to help me out. I am just scared of upsetting others...I want to make everyone else happy and tend to forget about myself. I need to get over that!

Again, thank you!

(in reply to MistressFire70)

Profile

Post #: 13