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Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 7:29:20 AM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
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I have met several people from this site and I must say, this is a wonderful place to meet people..I have made so many friendships and I think all of you are just great.....My Master passed away June 28th of this year and in honoring his wishes, I am trying my best to get "out there" so to speak...I don't know if this is common or not but when I meet someone I often feel like I'm cheating on him..even though I know he would have wanted me to move on with my life...I can't get over the overwelming guilt I feel if someone gets close to me..I don't want to push someone away because of these feelings....I am in counseling now which helps me deal with moving on with my life, being there for my children, etc..is this a common feeling, the guilt?

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 7:31:31 AM

tcl0712

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Joined: 8/28/2006
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i would say yes, based on the people i know who have suffered such a loss. Hang in there, it will get easier. It could be that you just need to give yourself more time to work through the grieving process before you begin to date again.

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 8:28:51 AM

MasterC46910

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It could be too soon. Maybe take a break, mourn your loss a little longer. Then get back into the game and enjoy the rest of your life. It will get better with a little more time.

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 9:03:49 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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Of course it is. It's even common when dating after a relationship breakup. I have to say the first dates I had after each marriage ended and certainly the first lovers felt...slightly wrong. But, I knew it was because I'd conditioned myself to be monogamous with my husbands. I sometimes have twinges now even though I'm openly poly. It happens.

Be patient. Don't rush. When it's right, it'll be right...and you'll be able to get past your feelings.

Master Fire

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 10:39:06 AM

Dnomyar

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Your love for him will always be there. Accept that and move on.

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 11:42:46 AM

spanklette

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Joined: 2/22/2005
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One of my first Master's died unexpectedly in a car crash. I was devastated even though we were not romantically involved. There's nothing for it but time.

I made some of the worst mistakes during that stretch of time. If you must be involved with someone else, try not to do anything permanent. I'm still dealing with my divorce, after having eloped. Had I just taken a deep breath and a step back, well, I wouldn't have gotten married...and I wouldn't be looking back shaking my head.

Eventually, you start to get used to the pain. For me, it never went away or eased. I just got used to carrying around another piece of baggage. Daily, His death reminds me I'm still alive and ready to face the world.

It does get better, just not the way you're expecting. Take your time and allow yourself time to just be you for a while.

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 1:51:01 PM

Kahri

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Joined: 8/30/2006
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It sounds like a perfectly normal response, and the end of June wasn't that long ago. Don't try to rush yourself into doing something because they would have wanted it that way. The day will come when you realize that it feels right to be "out there" and meeting people. If it hasn't come yet, give yourself the time you need.

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 4:05:53 PM

Caitriona

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Joined: 8/28/2006
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I agree with the other posters....these things take time, and only you will know when the time is right to have a serious relationship. Take as much time as you need to mourn your loss. My thoughts are with you.

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/28/2006 4:33:32 PM

JerseyKrissi72

Posts: 10238
Joined: 8/21/2006
From: Reed City, Michigan
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thankyou everyone for your kind words. here is a link to his memorial site. if you would light a candle in his memory it would mean alot to me.
http://ronald-armour.memory-of.com/

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RE: Where Do I Go From Here? - 9/30/2006 1:02:00 AM

diamonddreamlove

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Am sorry to hear about your loss. Time does not necessarily make things better but does make it different. I was widowed July 30, 2006. Since then i joined an online widows group called For Widows Only. It has helped me with a lot of the feelings and thoughts and learning what is normal and what is not. (I also was Director of Professional Staff for our local grief house prior to the first of the year and I now know that to truly understand this grief one must live it.) I would suggest this is a great place for you to go in addition to the counseling. Although you are not technically a widow there are other women that are there that had just missed their wedding date and quite frankly there is more to widowhood than a wedding ring. I do keep this part of my life separate from that group and would recommend the same for You, however the grief process is the same whether husband or Master. Hope to someday find a post there from you! Take good care of yourself.

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