Ex Play Partner troubles (Full Version)

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NVmasterTim -> Ex Play Partner troubles (1/17/2005 10:15:07 AM)

I would like to hear from the other DOMs here about how they handled an ex play partner that would not let go, her becoming more and more out of control, doing anything and everthing in an effort to get their attention.

What did you finally have to do for her to cease and desist?

Thanks!

Master Tim





INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: Ex Play Partner troubles (1/17/2005 10:29:47 AM)

Well, OJ proved that you can get away with murder...................

Seriously, I have an ex that just would not go away, it didn't help that we had a child together, but after exhausting all other options, I had a No Contact order placed on her, it made the exchange of my daughter a bit rough, but it was the only way to get her to stop.

Almost 3 years later, and things have calmed down, she is still a pain in the ass, but she always was!

It is unusual for a man to take this type of action, but when you are left no other choice, it is a valuable tool.



BeachMystress -> RE: Ex Play Partner troubles (1/17/2005 10:56:53 AM)


It can be hard to sever a relationship for some people. Are we talking that the ex partner is showing up and stalking you? Or are we talking suicide attempts. How bad are we talking?

I am NOT saying you are doing anything wrong. Please do not take this as saying you are. I've just noticed that some men tend to avoid confrontation with a woman they know is going to get overly emotional. Rather than telling her flat out, "It is OVER," when she starts to get emotional they soften it. The do not make it an absolute. That lets some women hang on. They are able to continue to live their fantasy that they may be able to win you back. If you feel you might have done this type of thing, I'd bite the bullet and meet her for coffee. (Not lunch or dinner, since that implies a date. Coffee is more impersonal.) Tell her flat out that you enjoyed your time with her but are moving on. You no longer wish contact of any sort with her because she's already proven that she behaves poorly. Tell her this means no showing up, no phone calls, no emails or snail mail, no instant messages, no messages passed via others.. cover any ways she currently contacts you. Do not leave any wiggle room for her to misunderstand you. If she cries, she cries. Be prepared for that eventuality and do NOT give in. I do not care how heartless it makes you feel. Any gesture of affection or compassion could give a false hope of reconciliation. While it may seem overly cruel, it can stop things from escalating. Good luck. Men who are stalked are still not given as much sympathy as women who are stalked. The laws are in place to deal with stalking in most states now. If she continues attempting contact, research your options via legal channels.



stripmaster -> RE: Ex Play Partner troubles (1/17/2005 11:41:20 AM)

Hello Tim,
If you did your job right she would be emotional and even physically tied to you. I'm betting that’s the case, and if so the only way out is to help her setup profiles on 3 or more BDSM websites. She will soon find lots of Dom’s that will want to continue with her were you left off.
[8D]



RealityFix -> RE: Ex Play Partner troubles (1/17/2005 12:18:28 PM)

The only way I have found to solve this in the past is to be steadfast in ignoring them.

Eventually they figure out you aren't going to cave,and turn thier need to some other poor sucker.

But if you give in,then it escalates-so it's one of those times you have to be the mean bastard, and just stick to your guns.



Quivver -> RE: Ex Play Partner troubles (1/17/2005 5:24:16 PM)

Master Tim......
I hope what I have to say is not the case, nor am I trying to point a finger,
but having been one that has *hung* on blindly, I must question perception
of the relationship. You offer the term of *playpartner* which there is nothing
wrong with if both of you, were from day one, on the same page.
Perception's being individual as they are, become things we hang on, usually
built with words and actions. If this sub in question has hung on knowing full
well this was simply *play* then shame on them. Yet sometimes things verbalized
by one in a moment of daydreaming can be confused over time to take a totally
different meaning. When this happens too often, grand, long term plans, take
place in the others mind, ESPECIALLY as StripMaster says "if you did your job
right she would be emotional and even physically tied to you." If nothing was
said or done to imply more then play, then I have to agree with Beach Mystress.
Ugly as it may be lay it on the table, black and white with no hint of gray.
Following Reality Fixes advice may or may not work. It will create resentment
that follows this sub and possibly you depending on their character. The one
I hung on to chose this route, (humm Reality Fix........ hee hee, no its not you!)
But to this day will still read my emails and ask for assistance in certain area's
I've proven quite helpful in. Grrrrrrr, I just wish he'd lay it on the table,
Black and White, no Gray.



FangsNfeet -> RE: Ex Play Partner troubles (1/17/2005 8:37:55 PM)

Well this situation can happen to just about all people and lifestyles. Partners becomming obsessive after the relationship is over by the others decission. Dom, Sub, whatever; It has happened to all types.

What to do about it when it happens to you?
It seems like you didn't think of percausion before getting into the relationship. Besure to ask quesions and lots of them to try and understand the person. Find out about there past relationships. Look for signs of instability. Perhaps that way you can prevent a situation before it ever starts. Example Don't get your meat where you get your bread. Meaning don't date at work, same class, same apt complex, or other situations where you would continously see them if you broke up.

But it didn't work. Now what. Let's look at some basic rules.

1. If you're not living together, don't let the other person have a key to your place. Oh you made that mistake? Have you locks changed before you break up with them. Didn't do that? Get the locks changed now.

2. When they come to your door banging away you can call the cops.

3. Phone calls? "I said it's over GOOD BYE!!!" Click.

4. Ignore, you said "It's Over!" Never Sooner but later everything ends up going away.

5. Show no Mercy "You fucking piece of shit, I said it's over and I want nothing more to do with your bla bla bla bla shit!" "I don't fucking care about you any more! I said it's fucking over!"

Sure breaking up is a relief but it still sucks. Everyone you break up with is different. You never know what to expect. It's a risk you have to take and know that one way or another they'll be gone out of your life. Sure I wish my X's the best. Well most of them. And yeah it might have been nice to have stayed friends. But that would have just made them stick around being lead on thinking they would have gotten back with me sooner or later. Not to mention how they might back stab any all other relationships I would be with. So when it's over IT IS OVER. Better or worse we all should put our sanity first.





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