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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 4:12:41 PM   
MrrPete


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Many "tasks" are repetitive and I don't like to have to come up with busy work as it's just not productive to me.

Domestic service is something that should nt have to be tasked it just needs to be done and I'm not the one whoe's going to do it. Period, end of discussion.

Since I find an obedient woman an aphrodesiac most tasks would have at least a sexual component to it or sexual overtones.

I would enjoy the anticipating my needs and wants to some extent that sunshine mentioned. but I would also make sure she gets tasked with things she can't anticipate because I like telling her what to do.

But I don't like micromanaging every little detail either. Micromanaging, to me, would tend to destroy, for lack of a better word, her personality.

For example; I wouldn' tell her what to wear every minute of the day but there will be times that I will tell what to wear if anything.


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Awrabest,

Mr. Pete

Boycott Citgo

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 4:13:43 PM   
MCandNuri


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I prefer it, myself. Gimme structure, I do fine. Don't, and everything goes straight down the shitter.



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You spend so much time asking "What would coyote do?"
I think Coyote is laughing- as usual, and answering back, "What WOULDN'T Coyote do?"

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 4:23:38 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


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While I can appreciate the focus and sense of accomplishment that comes from having discrete tasks to attend to, I hesitate to make it a focus of my relationships because I do not want them to simply become passive eager puppies just waiting for the next bone to get thrown to chage after.  Too many subs get into that trap and it just ends up giving the dom a tired arm with the subs feeling denied when he doesn't want to play fetch anymore.

But for a deeper view on how I deal with the process of giving tasks themselves:
Tasks from the Top: An Essay

Tasks from the Top: An Essay

This was inspired by a conversation with J, so thanks! I welcome feedback, good and bad.

Tasks can be great things, but have a lot involved with them, a lot more than people generally take into account. Bottoms tend to LOVE tasks. They LOVE discrete things to do for someone else, they LOVE the structure it gives them, they LOVE the feeling of usefulness and necessity, as well as a clear finished product to enjoy afterwards. Tops can use it as a great way to reinforce the dynamic and it not only feels good to give tasks and develop someone, but it should make your life easier! The little bottom scurrying at your bidding, muah-ha-ha!

Forethought: What tasks will you give and what purpose will they serve?
My task to DCS to get directions and get to the munch easily served an immediate purpose, with him dealing with geographical logistics which is something I suck at which relieved stress and worry on my end and allowed him to serve simply. It also is another brick in the top/bottom relationship we have and set the tone for the afternoon. It would hopefully make DCS feel more capable in his driving and directing and feel good about our date. Think purpose short term and long term. Not to mention, there doesn't always have to be a big purpose. Me wanting DCS to get me Pepsi serves nothing but my caffeine rush.

Another thing to consider is how the task will fit into THEIR lives. Will it take a lot of time? Energy? Do they have the skills, and if not, how long will it take to give them the skills? I had given DCS ANOTHER task for the weekend which he (eventually) respectfully asked me to postpone. As it was not a time sensitive task and I trusted him to know his schedule, I was fine with it. This even gave me an opportunity to show him my reasonability and give him practice speaking up and asking for things when he felt it was important.

But let's say you've thought it all through and have the task that you want to give. It really doesn't tend to take that long to figure out a task, specially when you get used to it. Sometimes you forget all the thousands of details that might make a difference, but that's why you gain experience and learn from the past.

Setting the task down: Communicating what you want to happen

This is a big communication thing. First off, the method. Online? Paper? Phone? Person? You know what I mean by how media can change the meaning so I won't drone on about that.

Will you be blunt? Will you be compassionate? Will you give context or expect simple obedience? What are you assuming the other person knows? This is where all that "forethought of how it effects them" comes in handy. By knowing this, you can tailor the task to how they will react best.

Sometimes you will want to make them ultra-receptive and happy like a puppy to serve, and sometimes you will simply want to throw it down and see how they react on their own. Only experience with the person will help you learn how to determine which way you want in which situations and how to evoke them.

But let's say you've communicated the task to the bottom, they are all set to go, they know what you want and how to go about it.

Relax!: Letting the bottom do what they are supposed to do

This is SUPPOSED to be the part where you get to take a break. You've given them the task so they can do something, so YOU don't have to do it. If it's just a fun task and you want to watch them go through the motions of it, feel free! Enjoy this time to take a breath, embrace your topliness, and get ready for the follow-through.

Follow-Through Short Term: Evaluating the task

So, if everything is peachy, the task is done to perfection, you've gotten what you wanted, YAY!

If not...What you wanted isn't really what you wanted? The bottom missed a few key elements? Your bottom is now a nervous wreck?

For good or bad, your bottom is now waiting for YOU to react to their work. This can be fun, keeping them in suspense. Many a bottom grows pouty/insecure if they don't get that immediate pat on the head and "good bottom!" response. You can use this opportunity to train it out of them, OR just have fun with it and indulge them. Hey, it feels good for ME to tell someone else they did a good job too you know.

The simpler the task, the simpler the feedback. Sometimes just "good girl" works perfectly. Sometimes thoroughly going through it, pointing out the great parts, the not so great parts, the parts to focus on next time, all that great follow-through is what's necessary.

Sadly, sometimes they didn't quite do it right, or worse, made a whole mess of the situation. In this situation, deal with the SITUATION, not the person. Re-explain what the task was to make SURE they understood it. Explain exactly how you feel at that point. Explain exactly what points you are upset by. Explain your expectations for next time. Allow them to explain their perspective as well and build on that. And as well make sure they know what they've done RIGHT as well. In the end, make sure everyone knows where to go from there, and that they know it's not the end of the world or the relationship. Giving something to look forward to doing helps as well.

Back to my example with DCS getting directions to the munch. He was pretty bad at letting me follow and made it a pretty stressful journey, more so than if I had simply gotten directions myself and gone alone. I took him aside and told him that I was angry, had made my expectations clear, and that we would deal with it later after the immediate event and when I had time to think. I gave it a few days to settle down and then we talked. I let him understand what he had done right and wrong and that I understood his situation. I reassured him that it was not the end of things but that I did want to see improvement and trusted him to show that to me. I think he was pretty releived about that.

Punishment? That's a serious consideration and another entire essay in itself. Generally I think punishment isn't necessary for tasks and if undertaken, seriously consider why and the consequences.

Follow-Through Long Term: Evaluating the Progress and the Process

So while getting a pepsi, getting directions to a munch, getting dressed or learning to scuba dive might all be discrete short lived tasks, they add up! At each task you are building another block to the network of your relationship. The communication, the feedback, the end results, the tasks themselves should all be reinforcing eachother. Like all good networks, everything should be spreading around and flowing smoothly into something else.

Most common problem? Burnout. The bottom happily whisking away to do a task, presenting it to the top, and then eagerly awaiting another task. Yay for exuberance!

But then you have a top constantly just passing tasks out like candy, getting tired out, beginning to miss steps, miss the big picture, the bottom begins to feel the awkwardness and overcompensates by trying to do MORE, which leads to overload. The top now feels like they failed, the bottom now feels like they failed, the top worries if they don't keep giving tasks that the bottom will feel unappreciated (which is true more often than not, DESPITE what the bottom SAYS) and the bottom feels a loss of their task-fix and rebels against that, despite their wishes to the contrary.

Whew.

So, avoid burnout. Don't give tasks frivolously unless they are frivolous tasks which require minimal energy from you. Evaluate the quality of tasks- are you being releived of work and stress, or are you adding onto it? If adding on, where is the cause? Are you spending too much time getting tasks together? Too much time on the follow-through? Are they progressing in their skill level like you need them to be?

Otherwise, the follow-through long term should be the same as every element in a relationship- are we happy? Are we fulfilled? Are we being true to ourselves? Where do we see this going in 6 months? A year? 5 years? Is this allowing us to express who we are and will become? Then make adjustments accordingly.

Tasks can be a highly useful tool in Ds-type relationships. They are unfortunately over-used, over-simplified and, as usual, cut and ordered to feed into the submissives/bottoms sense of self (or lack thereof) rather than a way to connect the relationship, reinforce BOTH sides of the slash, and allow fulfillment in the Ds-type ways. Take tasks in the context they should, use them as you desire, and hopefully everyone will be the happier.


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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 4:24:02 PM   
eroticangel


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i also prefer tasks...or as i like to call it structure.....not busy work...but expanding my horizons or my thoughts...food for the brain...i can't think of anything better than a night at His feet reading a book of His choice.

roe

ok well maybe i can think of something BETTER!!!!!!

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 4:26:32 PM   
ScooterTrash


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Domestic service or taking care of shopping for meals is a given, we explained it once, or maybe just pointed and it's done regularly and done right. Specific tasks can be many and varied. Anything from running new electric wires, searching for something on the net, calling insurance companies, stripping paint, hanging doors, changing the oil in one of the vehicles or hundreds of other possible things. If it's within their capabilities, it can be an assigned task. Pleasure is a two way street....thanks and a compliment for a job well done is also a norm.

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 5:07:05 PM   
Bearlee


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Yes, Sir...and quite frankly I don't get it (not that matters; I DO understand everyone is different).  Why would such a person bother to call themselves submissive, then?  Oh god...please do NOT flame me folks, I'm just talking outloud.  I know, I know...to each their own.  You say tomato I say tomatoe and all that.
 
Actually, E...I imagine the 'unnecessary' tasks might be punishment? 
 
Yes, I guess I'd agree too that often times those not into service are more about submission in the bedroom, only.  NOT that that's a bad idea, mind you!  Again...please...don't; please don't bother to flame me.  I GET IT...

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 5:14:53 PM   
MASTERRocker


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<<< never flames anyone; just lights a flame under them from time to time.
You are right Hon; but often times - especially in actual 24/7 - that means just that = 24/7.
Do I do things for her - of course
Is she expected to fix the car, look after My children, etc.. of course not - she helps and learns   but that is My responsibility

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 5:25:26 PM   
Bearlee


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<grinz>  Of course Sir.  Really, while I AM a pleaser and do like tasks...anymore, with both working and a home and yard to keep up; I doubt the sub is usually responsible for it ALL!   lol
 
Thank you ALL for your comments!
 
beverly

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 5:28:16 PM   
RiotGirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

Tasking a submissive or slave:
 
Someone earlier mentioned ‘…tasking the submissive to  whatever .’
 
Am I the only submissive who enjoys being tasked?  I like being told to do things; writing a paper, researching, cooking particular meals, polishing his boots (okay, not so excited about actually house cleaning, but you understand what I mean).  I’d like pleasing Him and making His life easier; doing things for Him.
 
Not having had a Dominant really, I’m curious as to how you deal with this.  Is it difficult to come up with stuff?  I can’t imagine that…but maybe.  Do you prefer things that make your life easier…or do you just come up with ‘busy work’? 
 
I’m curious what kinds of things both Dominants and s-types enjoy in this regard.
 
bearlee


nah yer not the only one.  Always nice to be useful!  When my Dom moved out that was one of my biggest issues.  "what the hell would i do nooooooow"  As at the time pretty much every part of the day was spent doing something for him (which generally benefited the greater good of the household)    Heck, before that started i remember complaining that i hadnt anyyyyyyyyyy thing to do.  (yeah i exaggerate)  Heck, even shopping was similar as when i went to the grocery store the mental list of wht he likes doesnt like, doesnt want us to have would start parading through my mind.  IE He likes this sorta T, and i spongebob fruit snacks were not gotten because he despises spongebob.  I used to say, every thought led back to him.  Every action led back to him.  Over the years, i've done alot of tasks - course not as many as i wished.  LOL 

But he moved out and well it seemed like there was absolutely zip to do again.  But i manage to find other things to fill up the day.  Working out (which is for me but i can say is for him, because i know he wants me with a toned and tight body)  i started tanning as i know he likes a tan, going to school (which is again for me.. as well as for him)  i started transfering "everything for him" to "for him and me" and well heck now i do things with out him even entering my mind <wicked grin> 

So even though i have a Dominant, i still do things to make my life easier, i add in busy work and then i just do crap for me.  Plus i find things to do for OTHER ppl.  Like later tonight, imma go see if this straight cat around here belongs to this lady whose ad i spotted at the vet.  I do stuff for my mom and my wee one...   Eh, there is a world of need out there and granted its not the same thing, but there is tons of things you can do for other ppl.  And in a way, its a form of serving others.  So, i say if you cant give to a Dominant, give to others, you'll feel very good at the end result of it. 

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 5:39:09 PM   
behindmirrors


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I love to be given tasks! I would not call me a service-oriented submissive (since that's not where I directly derive my joy), but I certainly do appreciate the opportunity to make my Dom happy whenever he gives it to me. I do dishes, laundry, clean up, change the bedsheets, research stripper poles, sweep the porch, whatever it is he asks me to do. He knows I don't do well with days I'm at home while he's at work with nothing to do, so he gives me a few things that need doing anyway around our house that I attend to- it never takes all day, and when I get them done I feel good for having accomplished something to his expectations and feel free to play. I don't always enjoy the work, but I enjoy the outcomes- especially when he tells me I have done well and have pleased him. It makes me feel good.

behindmirrors.

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 6:03:43 PM   
Bearlee


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Excellent, RiotGirl... great ideas!  I wish I were better at such things; I'm SUCH a procrastinator for my own stuff...
 
bear

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 6:06:11 PM   
LadyHugs


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Dear Bearlee, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Tasking really can be anything from a job, to an assignment, a duty or research.
 
As a dominant, I do urge my slaves to experiment with a variety of methods/techniques/styles in doing 'a' task.  What helps them to get the chores out of the way faster and efficiently is a huge plus.
 
I also do not like 'running' a slave in the ground with jobs.  I don't want slaves suffering burn out.  The most wonderful job I have them do, is cuddle in hugs with me.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 7:16:21 PM   
Mavis


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Certain tasks that demonstrate my value to the Hims..  those turn me on big time.   For years, HusDom wouldn't allow me to do the grocery shopping.  When i had messed up the finances, all those "partner jobs" were taken from me.  But now, i get to go grocery shopping!  Every week!   i also get to cash His check, and pay the bills.  It's something so mundane, yet i cherish being given the trust to handle His mundane tasks.

Masters mundane tasks are samey,  Copy this disk, post that article for Me,  edit and spell check this letter..  they also show me He trusts in my judgements and values my input.  It also frees Him up for family time, or time with me.  yay!  When He's here visiting, tasks are as simple as waking Him by a certain time, lining up the toiletries a certain way, those are simply busy work type of things, just to give me the in-person stuff W/we don't get that often. 

Bearlee, on the flip-side, denial of tasks is bad punishment for me!  
i was very upset when i wasn't given His laundry to do.. He packed it up and took it back home, which i took as a huge humiliation.  It was punishment for not having set the coffee timer for AM instead of PM.   i don't "get" more tasks unless i'm running at 100% on the things i had already been tasked with.

If anyone would have told me 6 years ago i would be begging to shop and do laundry... i'd have bonked them onna head! 

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 7:22:24 PM   
DiurnalVampire


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To me, tasking someone just to give them busywork is rather silly.  The boy wil have his list of chores to be done,and there wil occasionally be additional tasks t be completed.  If I have nothing that I need or want done, I see no reason to find ways for him to keep busy.  I'll let him be what he is, essentialy a kid.  He plays video games, which I enjoy watching him play. As long as everything necessary is done, his tiem is his own as long as he understand should I ask for something, no matter what he is doing at the moment, it stops and I am attended to.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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VampiresLair

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 7:38:58 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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Personally..and just my opinion of course..I find tasking to be at times, a waste of time..I mean those little tasky things that have as far as I can see little purpose in the whole scope of life..sure assign me a task that is useful to the structure, or the 2 lives together that makes sense..but to simply task because it floats your boat is kind of silly.There is too much to be done in any given day to task unnecessarily..please do not flame ,this is simply my 2 cents..plus I am not highly service oriented..I am simply giving oriented...in other words...I would give because he enjoys not because it fulfills a particular need within me...Tempting

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 7:51:42 PM   
MMshappysub


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For me Master ask certain things to be done every day and He does not ask much of me threw out the day. 1) coffee has to be made the night before. 2) trash cans has to be emptied each and every day. 3)Master hates a dirty ashtray so if there is more then 3 buts in the ashtray they must be emptied. 4) In the mornings we i wake i must go to Him and ask "Master is there anything that i can get you" yes i do this threw out the day to make sure His life is much easier. 5) Dishes and that is a given in any relationship, along with house cleaning and laundry. 6) And if there is anything threw out the day that He wants done within my limits or things that i can do.... then i am more the gladly willing to do those.

happy

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/28/2006 8:25:39 PM   
Skier


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I love this thread and Bearlee - you're the best.  Seeing a submissive achieve worthwhile vanilla goals and knowing I'm an essential part of her success is a big turn-on for me. I'm not talking about busy work, but important objectives in one's life.

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/29/2006 5:03:31 AM   
MCandNuri


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I gave this alot of thought, and had to come back to really comment, further.
We actually had a recent discussion about this, so it was a little ironic that that this thread should pop up. BUT, the thread did help me think and kind of put things into perspective. M. is not so much in to 'tasking'- he thought as many do, that certain things are just 'accepted practice'. I agree this is a 'tomAYto, tomAHto' sort of thing, a matter of personal taste/preference and I respect that- so, this is really just my two cents.
My last marriage was -also- (supposed to be) 24/7- he DID just expect things to be done. And I really worked hard to see that they were. I'm talking really very mundane, vanilla things: ie: housecleaning, etc. I wasn't happy. If I did not complete the tasks, he'd gripe, but that was about it. (I know lecturing is a form of punishment, but, it's never been one that was all that effective, to me, especially when it comes across as more whiney) However, when I did complete them, also, no real response. So, basically, to me, we were just a vanilla couple with a little kink syrup here and there.
Some people may differ- but me, I really need that structure else I tend towards sticking my nose in a book or sketchpad all day and even forgetting to eat.
He eventually found one who liked that arrangement, so heck, can't really knock it if it works for some, it's just not something I can dig.
As I've said before, M. and I are trying to revamp our 24/7, after a kind of lapse: the pregnancy and birth of our baby kind of killed it for a bit.
We went back and forth, a few sessions, etc, and I started to think, "Oh, no, been here before!"
So, I asked him to make me a list. His first list, was too vague- as this really wasn't something he ever considered, so..I gave him some input, and he made another, more to the point: here's what you'll do, and if you don't, here's what happens.
I'm not a pain slut, and spankings were on there. I chafe at humiliation type things, and what do you know? Corner time, is also there.
What I am trying to illustrate in my long winded way is that for me, and I know for many others, the whole scope of our relationship's not sex. I've seen some who say it isn't, but then, everything they do, seems geared towards the more sexual/sensual end of things.
I don't naturally submit- it's something that takes ALOT of effort for me, so, this sort of thing, is an excersise in that. Sort of an 'all day' submission. Some women/men do fine naturally submitting, all day, every day- thinking only of their Signifigant other- whereas, I honestly, by nature am a very self centered person.
For some reason, a verbal, "Here's what you'll do all day" usually ends in me getting the flogger or an OTK.. I'll grow into that, I'm sure, but for now, I need the list, you know, and I think once I can get  to a point, where, at the end of the day, my butt isn't "mmmMmm Toasty!" then, we work from there.
Don't get me wrong, I don't ever anticipate myself as being the 'fully trained good dog' type,  (And I see nothing wrong with 'em) but at least, I'll get to a point where the list is not nessecary, nor is the threat of reprocussion.
So, for me, the concentrated effort of getting the list done (Which has no specific mention of reward, mind you) is a constant sort of structural training. It's me, showing that I want to at least make the effort to submit, even if the rest of me rebells at it.
And then, I had another thought- a much less verbose one, I wonder, how many of us that do enjoy the tasking/structure- have been in vanilla relations where, we became the 'bored housewife' cliche- you know, the taken for granted crap that happens?
I did- and I think for me, having the list means, I KNOW for a fact he notices my efforts- cause if I blow it off, well, yeah, there's the corner, there's the OTK or what have you.
And as he's checking the list, whether he does it blatently or not- I watch his face..and there is a part of me, down tucked under the "GRR, I'm a boots wearin', rebellious punk girl! Oy, oy, oy!" and even under the growly, snarly, biting curmudgeoness coyote, there is a part of me that is tickled pink he's happy with how I've done things.

ETA: What is the code on here for entering paragraph breaks? I feel as though I am assaulting people's eyes everytime I go into one of these long posts. :-P




< Message edited by MCandNuri -- 9/29/2006 5:06:27 AM >


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You spend so much time asking "What would coyote do?"
I think Coyote is laughing- as usual, and answering back, "What WOULDN'T Coyote do?"

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/29/2006 5:05:19 AM   
MCandNuri


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*grin*
That's what I hope M. begins to realise. :-)
I know he feels that way- the part about the 'being an essential part of her success'- and I hope that I am communicating that with his help, I'm mastering some of my own bad habits/etc that are pretty self destructive.



_____________________________

You spend so much time asking "What would coyote do?"
I think Coyote is laughing- as usual, and answering back, "What WOULDN'T Coyote do?"

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RE: Tasking a submissive or slave - 9/29/2006 5:37:53 AM   
DeviantLady


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Thank you to the OP for starting this thread. I had only ever thought about tasks as something you do online to keep the other person focused. This has helped me to grow as a person and to look at things from another perspective. I will be putting some of the ideas I have learnt here into practice soon I hope.

(in reply to MCandNuri)
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