MCandNuri
Posts: 50
Joined: 9/21/2006 Status: offline
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I gave this alot of thought, and had to come back to really comment, further. We actually had a recent discussion about this, so it was a little ironic that that this thread should pop up. BUT, the thread did help me think and kind of put things into perspective. M. is not so much in to 'tasking'- he thought as many do, that certain things are just 'accepted practice'. I agree this is a 'tomAYto, tomAHto' sort of thing, a matter of personal taste/preference and I respect that- so, this is really just my two cents. My last marriage was -also- (supposed to be) 24/7- he DID just expect things to be done. And I really worked hard to see that they were. I'm talking really very mundane, vanilla things: ie: housecleaning, etc. I wasn't happy. If I did not complete the tasks, he'd gripe, but that was about it. (I know lecturing is a form of punishment, but, it's never been one that was all that effective, to me, especially when it comes across as more whiney) However, when I did complete them, also, no real response. So, basically, to me, we were just a vanilla couple with a little kink syrup here and there. Some people may differ- but me, I really need that structure else I tend towards sticking my nose in a book or sketchpad all day and even forgetting to eat. He eventually found one who liked that arrangement, so heck, can't really knock it if it works for some, it's just not something I can dig. As I've said before, M. and I are trying to revamp our 24/7, after a kind of lapse: the pregnancy and birth of our baby kind of killed it for a bit. We went back and forth, a few sessions, etc, and I started to think, "Oh, no, been here before!" So, I asked him to make me a list. His first list, was too vague- as this really wasn't something he ever considered, so..I gave him some input, and he made another, more to the point: here's what you'll do, and if you don't, here's what happens. I'm not a pain slut, and spankings were on there. I chafe at humiliation type things, and what do you know? Corner time, is also there. What I am trying to illustrate in my long winded way is that for me, and I know for many others, the whole scope of our relationship's not sex. I've seen some who say it isn't, but then, everything they do, seems geared towards the more sexual/sensual end of things. I don't naturally submit- it's something that takes ALOT of effort for me, so, this sort of thing, is an excersise in that. Sort of an 'all day' submission. Some women/men do fine naturally submitting, all day, every day- thinking only of their Signifigant other- whereas, I honestly, by nature am a very self centered person. For some reason, a verbal, "Here's what you'll do all day" usually ends in me getting the flogger or an OTK.. I'll grow into that, I'm sure, but for now, I need the list, you know, and I think once I can get to a point, where, at the end of the day, my butt isn't "mmmMmm Toasty!" then, we work from there. Don't get me wrong, I don't ever anticipate myself as being the 'fully trained good dog' type, (And I see nothing wrong with 'em) but at least, I'll get to a point where the list is not nessecary, nor is the threat of reprocussion. So, for me, the concentrated effort of getting the list done (Which has no specific mention of reward, mind you) is a constant sort of structural training. It's me, showing that I want to at least make the effort to submit, even if the rest of me rebells at it. And then, I had another thought- a much less verbose one, I wonder, how many of us that do enjoy the tasking/structure- have been in vanilla relations where, we became the 'bored housewife' cliche- you know, the taken for granted crap that happens? I did- and I think for me, having the list means, I KNOW for a fact he notices my efforts- cause if I blow it off, well, yeah, there's the corner, there's the OTK or what have you. And as he's checking the list, whether he does it blatently or not- I watch his face..and there is a part of me, down tucked under the "GRR, I'm a boots wearin', rebellious punk girl! Oy, oy, oy!" and even under the growly, snarly, biting curmudgeoness coyote, there is a part of me that is tickled pink he's happy with how I've done things. ETA: What is the code on here for entering paragraph breaks? I feel as though I am assaulting people's eyes everytime I go into one of these long posts. :-P
< Message edited by MCandNuri -- 9/29/2006 5:06:27 AM >
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You spend so much time asking "What would coyote do?" I think Coyote is laughing- as usual, and answering back, "What WOULDN'T Coyote do?"
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