sub versus bottom

sub versus bottom (Full Version)

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bbwsub41 -> sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 8:08:54 PM)
I'm new to this, though I've played with vanilla parters most of my life. I'm curious: I've had people tell me that I am more of a bottom as opposed to a true sub. That very well could be the case, and I am curious as to how everyone here interprets the difference between the two. Briefly, I enjoy submitting to bondage, power games, etc. in a sexual situation. Outside of that, I am not into those things and prefer to be free to live my life, my way within a relationship. Or as a friend jokes "Get in the kitchen and make your own sandwich!" Just how I am. So...satisfy my curiousity please?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 8:23:56 PM)
Your curiosity about what? What are you asking? Master Fire

BitaTruble -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 8:29:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bbwsub41 I'm new to this, though I've played with vanilla parters most of my life. I'm curious: I've had people tell me that I am more of a bottom as opposed to a true sub. That very well could be the case, and I am curious as to how everyone here interprets the difference between the two. Briefly, I enjoy submitting to bondage, power games, etc. in a sexual situation. Outside of that, I am not into those things and prefer to be free to live my life, my way within a relationship. Or as a friend jokes "Get in the kitchen and make your own sandwich!" Just how I am. So...satisfy my curiousity please? I wouldn't worry too much about what other people tell you. Are you happy and content with how things are? Do you have a good time? Do you feel as if you are living life as you are meant to live it? That's what matters. Welcome to the boards. :) Celeste

bbwsub41 -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 9:06:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Your curiosity about what? What are you asking? Master Fire i thought i was very clear. I was curious to know everyone's thought of what makes a bottom different from a sub.

mstrjx -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 9:16:22 PM)
A bottom is someone who likes to be played 'with' or 'upon'. You like to be tied up, you are a bondage bottom. In the usual sense, a bottom is someone who likes painplay done to them. You like to be spanked, paddled, whipped, etc. In other words, play, a scene. A submissive is someone who yields control in a 'relationship' sense. A partner controls more than just the events in the 'scene'. This can be a larger portion than just the 'play', or it could be 24/7. If you like to 'play', but prefer to leave your relationship 'equal' outside of that, then yes, you are a bottom, not a sub. As above, though, these are just labels. But it helps everyone understand each other from time to time. Jeff

CrappyDom -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 9:21:25 PM)
The only thing I am "truly" is an arrogant ass. If you are still worried about labels and whether things are true or not, I highly recommend ordering a copy of Dossie Easton's little book called The Bottoming Book as it is more educational that three "True Dominant Masters" mentoring you 24/7 in the lifestyle...

Mavis -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 9:27:13 PM)
the labels bottom or sub are only really important when you're trying to connect to someone with a particular thing in mind. If you get talking to a "Dominant" that wants a "submissive" you'll have to explain your interest lies in scene, and not power exchange outside of that. Doesn't mean you can't go forward with that dom, but it helps to clarify what you offer, lest they assume you WANt to kneel in the morning and make sammiches. i think letting the labels stop you from exploring all levels of relationships will not be fun. :)

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 10:13:08 PM)
I will also point out that it's completely possible to be BOTH a sub and a bottom.

Mavis -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/28/2006 10:16:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I will also point out that it's completely possible to be BOTH a sub and a bottom. oh yeah! forgot that! i am a slave. (ok, that's debatable to some, let them say sub, whatever) but when i'm in play mode, i "bottom" as a verb. although sometimes the Him refers to me as His bottom, noun.. because it allows role designation without needing to clarify beyond that.

MaamJay -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 12:17:28 AM)
I agree with other posters that labels should not limit you ... but they are useful as a means of expressing what it is that we do. Given that your interest in receiving is entirely within a scene sense and does not extend to power exchange in more everyday life situations, then yes, I would see you as a bottom rather than as a submissive. If you were heavily into receiving pain only, then you would be a masochist bottom, if your interest is more sexual than you would be a sexual bottom or sometimes called a bedroom bottom. None of these is better or worse than any others, they are simply different preferences. However, when talking to prospective Dominants (though you would be looking more for Tops) it is a good idea to make clear through labels and descriptions the limits and boundaries of your submission. It saves a lot of heartache later! Mistress Jay

bbwsub41 -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 12:28:05 AM)
Well, I'm glad I posted this, as it has helped me to clear up lot of confusion on my part. I agree, labels shouldn't be the do all and be all. But now i have a better idea of where I am coming from, and I can explain myself a little more clearly.

slavejali -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 12:42:50 AM)
I'm getting a headache....

BitaTruble -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 1:01:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bbwsub41 Well, I'm glad I posted this, as it has helped me to clear up lot of confusion on my part. I agree, labels shouldn't be the do all and be all. But now i have a better idea of where I am coming from, and I can explain myself a little more clearly. IMO "I'm a bottom" is no where near as clear as ... Briefly, I enjoy submitting to bondage, power games, etc. in a sexual situation. Outside of that, I am not into those things and prefer to be free to live my life, my way within a relationship. Or as a friend jokes "Get in the kitchen and make your own sandwich!" Just how I am. Celeste

zenfull2 -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 2:10:53 AM)
A good book to read is Claudia Varin's "Erotic Surrender: The Joys of Female Submission" She has some good deifnitions of each term as well as indepth explinations of things. Personally I feel a bottom is someone who temporarily releases control to their "play" partner. A submissive is someone who completely releases control to their Dominant with the chance to use safe words. A slave is someone who completely releases dcontrol to their Master/Mistress without the ability to call upon safe words putting complete trust in their Owner.

Dnomyar -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 4:35:57 AM)
Good grief "verb" "noun". Enough of the damm english lessons. If you can read the spelling and understand the question leave it at that. We are all not english major's. When you start correcting someone's spelling and use of language you are labeled an ass by that person. Just answer the question.

twicehappy -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 4:41:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom If you are still worried about labels and whether things are true or not, I highly recommend ordering a copy of Dossie Easton's little book called The Bottoming Book Or pop over here and read our ongoing debate, there are already a few folks definitions of bottom there. http://www.collarchat.com/m_604021/tm.htm To complete my thread hijack.......Mstrjx, your definitions are very good, why don't you pop in and post yours on the above thread as well? Big grins.....

Lashra -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 4:44:17 AM)
This is how I view these different terms bottom: one who receives physical sensation from a Top in a scene. submissive or "sub" for short: A person that gives up control either all the time or part of the time. Only YOU can define yourself, don't let others do it for you. Lots of people enjoy being a bottom from time to time, I myself enjoy it. However I am no submissive as I am naturally Dominant. Those that use the word "true" in regards to labeling other people are usually purists and I would take what they say with a grain of salt. Who is to say they know what they are talking about?[;)] ~Lashra

pleazuredpain -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 5:12:20 AM)
I am both a submissive and a bottom. I can definately bottom for a Top, thank him warmly for the play and go on with my day. I was not really submissive to him, I needed a good hard spanking and he gave it to me. When submissive to a Dom, I have given up control to him, have accepted that he controls every aspect of me at that time and feel much more docile than in the previous example. If/when I find that relationship so many seem to already have, I hope to be Both and much more.

MCandNuri -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 5:13:56 AM)
Eh, given that most human beings are so multifaceted, I think most of these labels are a bit on the silly side. Screw 'em, anyway, you could be a bagel bottom for all they know! (OH YES! Give it to me kosher, give it to me, slap me with the bagel! OH YES!) weg I spent a while trying to 'label' myself and I have come to a simple conclusion- I'm T., and what I am, who I am and all that great crap can't really be summed up in a simplistic term, nor is it something someone else is going to tell me. But if you really need the semantics- I'm with the others, here. Who says you can't be all those things, at any given point in your day?

MasterFireMaam -> RE: sub versus bottom (9/29/2006 9:17:45 AM)
I wasn't sure if you were asking our opinions as to the definitions or our opinions as to what role you, in particular, where a bottom or a submissive. My answer is another question: What you YOU feel you are? In the end, finding someone who agrees with you or presents the definitions in a way that you can agree with is really what counts. Master Fire

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