The Approach....am I wrong here?

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The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/29/2006 3:22:34 PM

dicipline2

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/4/2004
Status: offline

I have been on collar me for a few years now....and every once in awhile I will be lucky to get a hit and someone ill email me. However, I feel my responses or perhaps my approach to my response is lacking.

I will get emails like "Do you have webcam slave?" or "where do you live" etc.

I often try to be as truly respectful as possible to the Domme as would be expected from my station. I respond kindly and attempt to route these requests into a request for further communication before I disclose information like this or hop on a webcam like some deranged monkey.

However, my attempts to do this often leave the domme thinking (at least this is what I think is happening) "he is not serious" and they never respond which is kind of rude. I know, not my place to EVER tell a domme she is rude and I never would.I just cant help feeling this way.

Am I wrong to want further communication, possible move the conversation to IM? I respect her wishes and wants but safety is somewhat paramount.

just wondering.....

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/29/2006 5:51:41 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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Overreact much?

You've been here a few days. There are folks that have been here YEARS who don't get responses they expect from women.

Slow down.

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/29/2006 10:35:54 PM

dicipline2

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dicipline2

I have been on collar me for a few years now....

Join date: 5/4/2004

*chuckles* .... Thank you Mispandora for responding :)

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/29/2006 10:38:00 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

No, you're not wrong for wanting that. Simply state in your profile that you feel webcams are communication tools, not performance art and that you prefer relationships to online sessions. If this is what you want, that is. The phrase about controlling your wicked thoughts may lead some, like me, to think otherwise.

Master Fire

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/29/2006 10:43:53 PM

dicipline2

Posts: 63
Joined: 5/4/2004
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It is not so much the idea of performing as much as it was they were a complete stranger and we had not even established any groundwork.

Thanks....

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/30/2006 12:20:51 AM

LASub4Real

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Simply state in your profile that you feel webcams are communication tools, not performance art

Lol! that is a nice turn of phrase! I hope you don't mind if I borrow that one from time to time?

LAsub

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/30/2006 1:05:20 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dicipline2

quote:

ORIGINAL: dicipline2

I have been on collar me for a few years now....

Join date: 5/4/2004

*chuckles* .... Thank you Mispandora for responding :)

OK, I'm blind. I read "a few days". Cut me a break. It's not like we don't get this type of message here on this board every.....oh I dunno.....week or so? Apologies if you were slighted by my oversight.

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Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/30/2006 1:06:27 AM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dicipline2

It is not so much the idea of performing as much as it was they were a complete stranger and we had not even established any groundwork.

Thanks....

Interestingly, there's a faction of male subs that feel that if women DON'T take charge right away, they're fake. Or is it that the guys are fake? I'm confused again!

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Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/30/2006 2:10:32 AM

UtopianRanger

Posts: 3251
Status: offline

quote:

I often try to be as truly respectful as possible to the Domme as would be expected from my station. I respond kindly and attempt to route these requests into a request for further communication before I disclose information like this or hop on a webcam like some deranged monkey.

Maybe I'm the odd guy out here.....but most women I know do not like ultra-passive behavior in men. I say take some initiative and know that there is a difference between non-passive behavior and pushiness projected towards dominant women. In essence....I'm telling you not to be passive and use some finesse.

Good Luck.....

- R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 9/30/2006 2:11:31 AM >

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 9/30/2006 9:53:26 AM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
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There's a difference between speaking with respect and speaking without it. It can be challenging finding the fine line between showing a working brain and convincing the Domme that you have the cerebral ability of a rock. State hard limits ... and work on what kind of 'play' increases your desires and listen when She tells you what She would expect from you. Be open in what you expect as well. Until you are under consideration, it's all about communicating what you and She will and will not accept.

The last slave I trained began with a list of demands ... she ended with a list of MY demands *lol* ... and did very well once she found My conversational comfort zone. The same is true of all of Us.

Test the waters and you'll do just fine.

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Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
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The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 10/1/2006 1:31:21 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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Just as not all the men sending we Domme mail are submissive, not all women sending you mail are Domme. Some of them aren't even women! When someone has treated you in a crass or rude way, you are not obligated to be polite back. Someone who has any experience in the lifestyle knows better than to be rude to an unowned sub. They do not have the right. Asking to view your cam without getting to know you is presumptuous and rude.

Requests as to where you live are simple. Answer with your county and state, such as I live in Jefferson County, Ohio. If they want closer than that, tell them that you are not comfortable giving out that information unless they care to provide you with a working phone number to contact them first. Anyone who wants more than generalities before getting to know you isn't worth time either.

You might want to try going to munches and events since it sounds like you're not having a lot of luck on CollarMe. http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgsindiana.html has a list of the ones in Indiana. I hope one is close enough for you to attend.

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RE: The Approach....am I wrong here? - 10/1/2006 3:02:06 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

No, you're not wrong to steer one-liner emails, especially those looking for webcam sessions or cybersex of some sort, toward a real discussion. If you don't list some location on your profile, or if you list only your state (and you like in a big one like California or Texas) it's not out of bounds for prospective partners to ask for a more specific location, and you would likely meet with more success if you told people generally where you lived. BeachMystress helpfully suggested giving your county.

You are not wrong, dicipline2, to have conversations to determine compatibility. Indeed, I agree with you--I have a set of things I want to find out about a prospective partner, and I ask those questions. Your temperament may not lead you to be as aggressive in questioning as I am, but you should still determine what you want to know and find that out. It's not terribly attractive behavior--I like passive, reactive people--but it will serve you well in determining whether a prospective partner is right for you. You do not act wrongly in putting off prospective cybersex partners, but please do remember that your polite behavior does not mean others will fulfill their obligations to be polite.

I don't like to move conversations to IM in general, and certainly, I don't like to do it very soon, because many people become undisciplined writers once they move to IM. Further, IM conversations don't get you any safer. More information makes you safer, and IMs often provide less information than emails. You're not exactly wrong in asking to talk in IMs, but your prospective partners are also not wrong if they tell you they want to keep using email. Then, you get to choose whether it's more important to talk on IM or whether it's more important to keep talking to that person.

You do know that there are more submissive men who want dominant women than dominant women who want submissive men, especially on sites like this, right? This means that you will not meet with much success if you wait for dominant women to contact you.

Finally, one thing that may be off-putting in your profile is your ID. You've misspelled "discipline".

Monica

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