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RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 7:59:37 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Add me in with the submissive/ slave making first contact, and sening  a petition crowd.
It's a process that is making small inroads into the hetero BDSM community,it was at one timehe refered process for the Leather Community.
I like itfor a few reasons.
1. Confrms consent and choice of the slave
2. Serves as a part of the negotiation process
3. it works hand in hand with the contracting process
4. It sets me apart from the "Feeding Frenzy" that happens around new people

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 11:42:16 AM   
Totalmaster4you


Posts: 1359
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Well as you can see from the writers that preceded Me there are as many different opinions as there are people. Since you are uncollared you do have the freedom to act as your instincts tell you. Regarding your question about the favorites list I use it to keep the contact info of people I'm interested in so I can write to them at a more convenient time.
Even though the pickings may be slim where you are I would tell you to wait for a Dom. who is classy enough to fill out the profile. If need be strike up online friendships or use the munches in  your area(or other BDSM groups near you. If you can relocate make that clear in your profile and start looking for Doms in places you'd like to relocate to. Good luck in your search.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 7:45:38 PM   
angaothsi


Posts: 242
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		Quick question slightly off topic, how would you know if someone had added them to their favorites?

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 8:13:18 PM   
Vargus


Posts: 24
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline 		    If I really like someone I will write to them, but lots of times it's just a waste of time because they never write back, sad but true.

  I'll plead guilty to sometimes admiring beautiful women too much, but I won't put a lady on my favorite list just because she's attractive. I'll admit one young gal got my attention with just her picture and two words.She put up a marvelous face shot photo with a very warm inviting smile.She also held up a sine in her picture which said," Orgasm Donor,"...Well! That's all I needed to know ... she's on my list. Show me that you're an intelligent, creative person with imagination and a marvelous sense of humor and I'll put you on my list. Every time I think picture it makes me laugh.
   Yes I use my favorite list as a sort of bookmark.Sometimes I put them there because I intend to make contact with them, but just haven't found the time to do it yet. Others are just on my list becasue I like reading the stuff in there profiles and journals,but other then that I have no interst in them.

   If your actually seeking a relationship well it's going  to be a flustrating trip for some. Honestly for me I think I'd have better luck if I put messages in bottles and threw them in the ocean, but that's not an option for me either since the nearest ocean is 1500 miles away from me.

   Maybe I'd have better luck if I put a better photo on my profile and started a new occupation as an O.C.N.C

Should I quit farming and become an Orgasm Collector and Controller?

   What do you think?


(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 8:14:06 PM   
MasterHyde


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline 		Everyone has their own preferences, so all I can do is tell you what I look for when someone approaches me.

Be respectful. This is important. I don't expect everyone to call me Sir (though it be nice!) but I do expect courtesy and manners. I expect some to understand that I'm human being first, and a dominant sadist second. Don't throw yourself at my feet. Get to know me first.

Be at least moderately intelligent. I'm not expecting a rocket scientist, but I do think you should be able to form a sentence and communicate in some legible manner. This means "How are you?" and not "how r u?".

Be thoughtful. Be considerate of my time. If I'm online, I'm usually available to chat. Still, it's nice to be asked. And I don't required "permission" before sending a private mesage. A simple "Hello" followed by "Can I ask/speak to you about something?" is ideal. Keep in mind, if you ask to talk with me, you should probably have some kind of topic ready. Even one or two questions you'd like to ask me are fine. You have to help the conversation get started. I can't stand when someone sends me an IM and then has nothing to say. If you initiated the conversation, bring something to the table.

Some dominants don't like to be approached. They think it is disrespectful or rude for a submissive to initiate conversation. I think that's bullshit. As long as they show good manners and follow the guidelines above, I'm more than happy to speak with anyone who contacts me. I'll always respond politely to politeness.

To add a comment about dominants adding you to their "favorites" list, but not writing to you... I can't speak for anyone else, but personally, I'm guilty of this too often. I see a profile of someone I find interesting, and I mark it as a favorite so I can go back and write to her later. I do this too many times, and I don't always get back to writing the intended letter. I'd write something right away, but most of the women on here are buried in mail, and I don't want to send them a "quicky" or a one-liner that will just get ignored anyway. I want to write something that will catch their attention, and sometimes that takes time. I need to collect my thoughts, and sit down focused on writing for a while. I procrastinate, and that never gets done. It's a shame. If some of those women took it on themselves to write me because they saw I added them, wonderful! But I don't expect that to happen. If I'm interested in getting to know them, it's on me to initiate things.


< Message edited by MasterHyde -- 11/27/2006 8:23:59 PM >

_____________________________

Master Hyde
A self-righteous, poly, dominant, possessive control freak with strong paternal tendencies and a sadistic inner child

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 8:44:44 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Beats me.  I guess it must send you a notation that someone has added you. 
 I haven't gotten any of those.. lots of email yes, but I haven't been added to a favs.
I hope someone else posts with an answer.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: angaothsi

Quick question slightly off topic, how would you know if someone had added them to their favorites?


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to angaothsi)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/27/2006 8:51:36 PM   
MasterHyde


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/10/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

Quick question slightly off topic, how would you know if someone had added them to their favorites?


On the main collarme page, there is a navigation menu on the left that includes options for displaying:

  • New Members
  • Favorites
  • Blocked Members
  • Hidden Users
  • Admirers

Clicking on "Admirers" will change the list below to show you all of the CM members how have added you to their favorites.



_____________________________

Master Hyde
A self-righteous, poly, dominant, possessive control freak with strong paternal tendencies and a sadistic inner child

(in reply to angaothsi)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/28/2006 1:12:05 AM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		Im of the opinion it matter not who makes first contact. As a typical male, to have a sub make the first move is a pretty good ego trip :) Im also aware of how to often on this type of place I am usually part of a very large majority chasing a very small minority and as such am very picky about who I try contact and try very hard to make anything I do send interesting enough to elecit a response, but even then I always bear in mind that for ever ymesage I may get a single, available, willing female sub probably gets a thousand or so

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to MasterHyde)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/28/2006 11:56:34 AM   
DsGUARDIAN


Posts: 25
Joined: 11/10/2006
Status: offline 		It is not improper for you to contact a Dominant.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/29/2006 1:12:14 PM   
CandleInTheWind


Posts: 347
Joined: 10/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Beats me.  I guess it must send you a notation that someone has added you. 
 I haven't gotten any of those.. lots of email yes, but I haven't been added to a favs.
I hope someone else posts with an answer.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: angaothsi

Quick question slightly off topic, how would you know if someone had added them to their favorites?




people that are your admirers  are those that put you in as their favorites

_____________________________

It is better to be hated for something that you are
than it is to be loved for something you are not

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 12:05:51 PM   
cjklyn


Posts: 35
Joined: 11/9/2004
Status: offline 		As a dom, I don't mind if subs contact me, or other doms, or anyone for that matter. In answering your question though, I think you should do what you want. Just because you're in a favourites list may not mean you should expect a contact. As someone else mentioned, I use favourites like a bookmark. When reading through nwe profiles, I'll add those that I'm interested in to my favourites to check again later. Some I might contact, others I won't. But I rarely tidy up my favourites! Some I may contact purely because their profiles raised a smile or made a good point. I'd expect similar contacts myself (i.e. i do NOT assume every woman who contacts me is expecting to submit to me...far from it). So if you see a profile you like, get in touch.

(in reply to CandleInTheWind)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 12:37:55 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
Hhmmmmmmmmm...  Petition?  Petition to what?  One must 'petition' to get to know another?  I certainly wouldn't be petitioning to be his submissive if I hadn't even had a chance to get to know the guy.  Is that what you folks  mean?

Generally speaking, I rather dislike instigating contact; but I've been trying to do more of it, lately (especially after figuring out a lot of guys apparently think I'm too pretty (!!!) or too experienced to consider them!  <sigh>). 

Funny how many folks think 2.5 hours is 'long distance', though; personally...I'd think it a perfect distance for dating.  LOL

...just me,
bearlee

(in reply to cjklyn)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 1:08:52 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Granted Bearlee I travel a fairly small circle the getting to know happens through xposure to each other within the context of the community.

When I meet someone online I almost invariably invite them to attend a munch,event, party with no expectations that we will do anything but chat and socialize. They have the chance to talk with me and others and then if they express any interest in taking it furtheras a relationship I advise them on how to petition me.

Until the petition happens we're just two people with similar interests discussing life, when the petition happens then we have the begining of formal negotiations.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 2:36:42 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
Archer, Sir... I couldn't agree more.  I use this (online) medium as yet another way to meet people, but it sure doesn't take the place of real-time.  Like you, I want to meet sooner than later, over coffee or lunch...a real 'face-to-face.

I've heard of subs petitioning a Dominant for ownership; but surely that doesn't come over the internet or before we've gotten to know each other.  Well, not in my world!  LOL

beverly

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 2:43:49 PM   
ToGiveDivine


Posts: 650
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee


(especially after figuring out a lot of guys apparently think I'm too pretty (!!!)



Trust me, you're gorgeous my dear :-D

_____________________________

These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

Beware, author is often sarcastic in his replies - most often, no sincere offense is intended.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 2:52:47 PM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
Awwwwwww... you know what I mean, divine; doncha?  People are funny, me thinks...they can read a profile and decide right then and there that they're not 'good enough'.  Perhaps because I write fairly well?  ...or maybe because I have garnered some experience?  ...or perhaps because I've Topped some.  It seems a shame not to contact people, if you've gone to the trouble of joining a 'dating site'; yanno?

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 4:43:31 PM   
desoutter


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsylee

uh. if uncollared i'd do whatever i wanted.

just cos someone claims to be a Dom doesn't mean they are. and even if they are, they might not be the right kind of D for you.



sweet...
desoutter

_____________________________

When the going gets weird... the weird turn pro.

(in reply to gypsylee)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Contacting Dominants - 11/30/2006 4:58:00 PM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline 		 I personally do not mind a bit if a girl iniates contact. It tells Me she has actually read the profile, and might just possibly be the one I am looking for, or at the very least, a new friend.

                                                                                  I wish you well,
                                                                                                         Shreve

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to desoutter)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Contacting Dominants - 12/1/2006 7:47:27 AM   
ToGiveDivine


Posts: 650
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee


Awwwwwww... you know what I mean, divine; doncha?  People are funny, me thinks...they can read a profile and decide right then and there that they're not 'good enough'.  Perhaps because I write fairly well?  ...or maybe because I have garnered some experience?  ...or perhaps because I've Topped some.  It seems a shame not to contact people, if you've gone to the trouble of joining a 'dating site'; yanno?



This is a dating site???  I thought it was an information site.

Personally, I never consider myself 'good enough' - it just seems that it would be arrogant of me to think I'm good enough for someone; I always thought that the other person should decide if I was good enough for them.

On the other hand, there are people that take this online stuff WAY TOO seriously.  What do you really know about the person on the other side of virtual reality.  There are people I like on here, people I respect, people that are interesting, have great insight, etc.  ...  and then there are the ones that aren't.

I've gotten some good information from this site, but it only goes so far and finding someone in my area that is compatible seems like wishful thinking.  There are no munches close by that I can find and if there is a group here, they stay well hidden or they've already closed shop.

Then again, this is the midwest and things are a little more socially conservative here.



_____________________________

These are my opinions - which may differ from your opinions. They may be right and just as equally wrong.

Beware, author is often sarcastic in his replies - most often, no sincere offense is intended.

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Contacting Dominants - 12/1/2006 8:15:52 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
awwwwwwwwww, of course you're Good Enough!  Just because two people don't become a couple doesn't mean one or the other is somehow 'lacking'; it just means their bumps and valleys don't line up!  I've made some good friends on these sites...

A dating site?  Heck, I see 'this side' as the 'other side' of Collarme, which discribes itself as a dating site, no?  On Alt or B.c, there are also discussion groups and chat-rooms; it's all same/same to me.

I use the sites as a way to get information, as you said, but also as a way to sort of keep my head involved in BDSM and to increase the possibility of actually making contact with someone interesting...and close by.  I'm with you...virtual reality just does not cut it.  I much prefer real life, too.  I have to drive 2-3 hours to get to Munches and Dungeons in the Springs or Denver; but it's worth it, to me.

Beverly

(in reply to ToGiveDivine)
Profile   Post #: 40
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