domtimothy46176
Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004 From: Dayton, Ohio area Status: offline
|
I would tend to agree with BeachMystress and others who made comments to the effect that your list may be too much to keep track of in one chunk. Speaking only for myself, I've found it to be more constructive to begin with a smaller set of guidlines that I feel I can give my complete focus to everyday and really work on those with my girl. If it's more than I can keep up with consistently, it's better to leave it out. Consistentcy builds trust and respect. Even with a smaller amount of behavior to oversee, you may find that it's not always as cut and dried as you first imagined. Be prepared to feel like a fool at least once when you set up a contradictory situation, it's almost inevitable. It could be something as simple as dinner being late because you've tasked her with something that prevented her from going to the store or laying out the chicken to defrost. It's amazing how many things can bite you in the ass. I've found that one of the more effective ways for me to start with someone new is to make slight changes in the routine she's already comfortable with. It becomes more a process of perfecting her routine than throwing her world into chaos. This assumes there is something of value in her normal routine, of course. I have found that when I make changes in my girl's routine, it's very helpful if I take the time to sit down with her and discuss the change, explaining precisely why I am making it, what I see the potential benefit is to our relationship and giving her the opportunity to voice any concerns she may have. On more than one occasion I've discovered there was something I hadn't thought of, a time conflict, a perceived contradiction with another rule, etc. It also gives me an opportunity to gauge the level of my girl's enthusiasm for the change which can be very useful. I would also like to point out that if she truly desires to serve, she may only need guidance in how to do so most appropriately. I have found my girl will regularly find new ways to please me. I would never want to structure her day so completely that she lost sight of why she serves me. She doesn't need me to give her rules, she had rules before she met me. Many of her responsibilities, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. are things she's done since childhood. The difference is that I provide her an opportunity to serve with honor and integrity. While it is important to ensure that she understands what her boundaries for self-expression are, it's equally important, IMO, to provide adequate opportunity for her to be who and what she is. That can sometimes be a delicate balancing act. First and foremost, she's a human being with her own strengths and weaknesses that must be taken into account. When I was new to D/s, I was a lot more inclined to think in black and white. My "job" was to set the rules and enforce them, her job was to obey. At this point I think it's a lot more complicated than that. I find my beliefs have evolved with time and experience. These days I am still prone to describe it as a symbiotic relationship but the emphasis is now on the relationship. My girl needs to serve but that is only one of her needs. If I lose sight of the fact that she has other needs and focus only on her service and obedience, I am not relating to the whole person and subsequently may not be ensuring that I provide a healthy, happy place for her. Best of luck in your journey, Timothy
|