An Education on Fantasy. (Full Version)

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GddssBella -> An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 6:59:39 AM)

G'morning all:


Through my years of real life experience and observations, I've noticed some disturbing trends within the alternative lifestyle. It's highly doubtful that these are brand new revelations, as I'm sure it's been noted by someone, somewhere. It's not exclusive to one gender or orientation. What I'm finding is a distinct lack of basis in reality. So many people approach this lifestyle as answer to their sexual gratifications. There's a great deal more involved than getting your rocks off. In turn, they have a tendency to view the practitioners of this scene to be a means to an end for their desires without giving the individuals the benefit of being flesh and blood people with minds of their own and feelings to match. In short, their fantasies. That mythical ideal that sets their loins aquiver and their minds to jello.

Another side of the matter, is the unrealistic expectation that bdsm is a cure all for whatever ails your life. A sure fire recipe for disaster if ever there was one. I hesitate to name any particular examples, as people will think I'm singling out the situation for derision. Suffice to say, I believe most folks have some inkling as to the point I'm making. In the end, people have conjured this mythos that all their problems will simply vanish like smoke if they can just dive into this lifestyle. Unfortunately, they're sadly mistaken.

I'm providing Webster Dictionary's entry for the noun to illustrate this argument;

1 obsolete : HALLUCINATION
2 : FANCY; especially : the free play of creative imagination
3 : a creation of the imaginative faculty whether expressed or merely conceived: as a : a fanciful design or invention b : a chimerical or fantastic notion c : FANTASIA 1 d : imaginative fiction featuring especially strange settings and grotesque characters -- called also fantasy fiction
4 : CAPRICE
5 : the power or process of creating especially unrealistic or improbable mental images in response to psychological need <an object of fantasy>; also : a mental image or a series of mental images (as a daydream) so created <sexual fantasies of adolescence>
6 : a coin usually not intended for circulation as currency and often issued by a dubious authority (as a government-in-exile)

Most appropriately, I note definition 5.

I've initiated this thread as an advisory, if you will, for those that are confusing what they've read, seen, heard perhaps in the media or through their own rambling sexual discordia. Take it with whatever grain of salt you feel necessary. I just dearly wish folks would stop viewing this lifestyle as a meat market, ripe for the fruition of their base lusts.


Stay safe, play nice, & share your toys w/ others...


[:D]


Bella



Frank01 -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 7:05:19 AM)

Smiles, you have only to read profiles to realize this.

There seems to be an inflated sense of superiority and morality expressed in so many-when in fact, they cannot even function minimally, as vanillas.



LaTigresse -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 7:11:32 AM)

I think that has become quite apparent in people that are just discovering all of it. I have heard the terms, subfrenzy and dom/mefrenzy.

Perhaps it was because of my advanced age when I began discovering, and after the initial "wow" I saw potential for serious life changing mistakes and put my brakes on. I decided I needed to do alot more work on myself before I involved someone else. I have too many people depending on me to be okay, too many depending on me to maintain a happy work and home enviroment. While the hunger to actualize various aspects of WIIWD, for lack of a better phrase, is very strong I tend to weigh pro's and con's. What is the best and worst case scenario of this action versus this action. I believe in proceeding with caution. So far I have no regrets.



Frank01 -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 7:16:39 AM)

If it seems to good to be true....................



toservez -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 8:04:48 AM)

I do think there are too many in this life who are new or looking for their other have expectations and thoughts that are pretty unrealisitc and really agree with you that too many expect the life to cure then from unhappiness which is just delusional. I do not think that most who actually live this life and certainly anyone with experience and still looks lives in an abnormal fantasy world with their expectations. I believe most just concentrate on the sex and BDSM part first to the exclusion of other things that are also critical.

These are relationships just like any other.  I have plenty of regular friends who try to live life in a fantasy way. Many marriages are entered into, particularly first ones and when people are young, with fantasy images of marriage and not realistic ones. Many people live fantasy lives by living outside their means driving fancy cars, big homes and expensive vacations and credit card debt at an alarming figure. The M/s life since it is a more, for most, a sexual/physical life that people tend to concentrate on those aspects way too much and not other aspects of what makes a relationship work.

When lookning for someone, whether online or in person, we are gravitated to the more exciting parts of that attraction. For most people in this life that is sexual and BDSM portion. It is fairly easy to find people who share our views on politics, favorite movies or what we like to do on vacations and can find that anywhere. But to find the M/s and BDSM match stuff is so elusive that I think most of us, including myself, put too much importance on that aspect not from looking or wanting but from neglecting the other important things. This life tends to be more "extreme" and we as normal human beings seem to always search out utopia when looking for the new special person. So it certainly can come off as living in fantasy. The key of course is making sure you step back in the real world before making the leap.

Both sides need to make an effort to keep it in reality. I often read messages about men wanting me to be naked whenever I am home and often wonder if always keep the drapes closed 24/7 and are prepared for the heating bill to be doubled come winter time.








juliaoceania -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 8:20:39 AM)

This also applies to false expectations on anyone or anything, people who believe marriage will solve all their problems, or having a child will, or embarking on an open marriage will save a flagging one.

People will do what they will... even if not in relation to this...Denial is not a river in Egypt...smiles.



Frank01 -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 8:25:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I do think there are too many in this life who are new or looking for their other have expectations and thoughts that are pretty unrealisitc and really agree with you that too many expect the life to cure then from unhappiness which is just delusional. I do not think that most who actually live this life and certainly anyone with experience and still looks lives in an abnormal fantasy world with their expectations. I believe most just concentrate on the sex and BDSM part first to the exclusion of other things that are also critical.

These are relationships just like any other.  I have plenty of regular friends who try to live life in a fantasy way. Many marriages are entered into, particularly first ones and when people are young, with fantasy images of marriage and not realistic ones. Many people live fantasy lives by living outside their means driving fancy cars, big homes and expensive vacations and credit card debt at an alarming figure. The M/s life since it is a more, for most, a sexual/physical life that people tend to concentrate on those aspects way too much and not other aspects of what makes a relationship work.

When lookning for someone, whether online or in person, we are gravitated to the more exciting parts of that attraction. For most people in this life that is sexual and BDSM portion. It is fairly easy to find people who share our views on politics, favorite movies or what we like to do on vacations and can find that anywhere. But to find the M/s and BDSM match stuff is so elusive that I think most of us, including myself, put too much importance on that aspect not from looking or wanting but from neglecting the other important things. This life tends to be more "extreme" and we as normal human beings seem to always search out utopia when looking for the new special person. So it certainly can come off as living in fantasy. The key of course is making sure you step back in the real world before making the leap.

Both sides need to make an effort to keep it in reality. I often read messages about men wanting me to be naked whenever I am home and often wonder if always keep the drapes closed 24/7 and are prepared for the heating bill to be doubled come winter time.








The intensity is the icing on the cake-not the cake.



LASub4Real -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 10:50:05 AM)

I've always thought that one reason for the lack of reality (and I'm certainly not the first) is PORNO!

Waaaay to many people get their appetites whetted, their imagery defined, their lexicon set, indeed and their entire concept of S&M based on porno tapes. These guys (mostly guys) begin with Hugh Heffner and Larry Flynt in their teens and end up years later in the long and curly end of the porno cornucopia shaking out the whips and chains videos.

And when these fine young gentlemen finally arrive at the end of the masturbatory rainbow, what do they find? Why, a sado porno club!!! A place where they can actually find real people who are willing to engage real-time in this exciting new form of porno for less than the cost of a video... they even call it a "Lifestyle!"

And that's how they see Alt and CM and all the others, a social extension of their extreme porno videos. So every other day they arrive here on the boards with wanker questions and hastily filled out profiles that read, "I am LordTIM, and I require my NAKED stable of subs to draw my carriage to work NAKED and wait for me until 5:00 p.m. in the parking lot NAKED."

I have no idea what the solution to this problem is.

LAsub



Frank01 -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 10:59:10 AM)

Whacking thier little pee-pees on an anvil, with a rubber mallet.

Repeatedly.[;)]



gooddogbenji -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 11:36:08 AM)

I hate unrealistic expectations of a relationship.

Keep me naked, caged and beaten, and I'll be happy.

Yours,


benji



ToGiveDivine -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 11:55:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

I do think there are too many in this life who are new or looking for their other have expectations and thoughts that are pretty unrealisitc and really agree with you that too many expect the life to cure then from unhappiness which is just delusional. I do not think that most who actually live this life and certainly anyone with experience and still looks lives in an abnormal fantasy world with their expectations. I believe most just concentrate on the sex and BDSM part first to the exclusion of other things that are also critical.

These are relationships just like any other.  I have plenty of regular friends who try to live life in a fantasy way. Many marriages are entered into, particularly first ones and when people are young, with fantasy images of marriage and not realistic ones. Many people live fantasy lives by living outside their means driving fancy cars, big homes and expensive vacations and credit card debt at an alarming figure. The M/s life since it is a more, for most, a sexual/physical life that people tend to concentrate on those aspects way too much and not other aspects of what makes a relationship work.

When lookning for someone, whether online or in person, we are gravitated to the more exciting parts of that attraction. For most people in this life that is sexual and BDSM portion. It is fairly easy to find people who share our views on politics, favorite movies or what we like to do on vacations and can find that anywhere. But to find the M/s and BDSM match stuff is so elusive that I think most of us, including myself, put too much importance on that aspect not from looking or wanting but from neglecting the other important things. This life tends to be more "extreme" and we as normal human beings seem to always search out utopia when looking for the new special person. So it certainly can come off as living in fantasy. The key of course is making sure you step back in the real world before making the leap.

Both sides need to make an effort to keep it in reality. I often read messages about men wanting me to be naked whenever I am home and often wonder if always keep the drapes closed 24/7 and are prepared for the heating bill to be doubled come winter time.



What you are describing is the "Newlywed / Honeymoon Mindset" - whenever you meet someone new everything always seems better; conversation, sex, mundane chores, yard work, whatever.

Most people forget, the honeymoon ends and you are not newlyweds forever.  The differences start to show; the things that were once cute and endearing are now more irritating.  See what each other looks like in the morning isn't a scene from a movie anymore.

Things that you once really enjoyed with other become stale and old.  Am I being pessimistic?  No, it's reality - you have to continually work on making the relationship more interesting, you can suffer with the status quo, or you can fail.

The important point is to realize that the way things are at the beginning will not last and you'd better have the mindset of what you really want.  If you truly think highly of the person you are with; then be willing to sacrifice and change your ways of thinking.

BTW - this isn't a lifestyle thing - it's just life.



Dnomyar -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 12:45:39 PM)

Fantasy is just life is so true. You started living your fantasy in childhood and will continue to do so until death. There is no escape from it. Tell me you never day(fantasy ) dreamed.



BuxomGoddess714 -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 1:19:27 PM)

But then W/we become adults and get a Real life, put away childish things, learn to be responsible.  Thats called maturing, growing up.



maudite -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 1:49:53 PM)

Speaking of unrealistic fantasies, I just got a first contact email from a guy who wanted to know if I'd be available to let him tie me up next week. He mentioned how much he'd enjoy thinking about me tied and gagged in his apartment while he was downstairs in a conference room at a seminar.

Because yeah, what woman wouldn't feel safe agreeing to that?



mnottertail -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 1:53:56 PM)

He got a conference room in his apartment..........?

Jesus H Fuckin' Christ!!!!!

I might even grape for THAT motherfucker................................

Considering even now (theme from Jeopardy wafting on the watery moonbeams thru the window)

Ron




Noah -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 8:26:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GddssBella
...

I just dearly wish folks would stop viewing this lifestyle as a meat market, ripe for the fruition of their base lusts.
....



.... for the fruition of their exalted lusts, then?

People go to the park for different reasons. To read a book under a tree; to exercise; to pray; simply to lie in the sun. Someone walks his dog and someone else plays frisbee. Someone goes there to be alone and someone else hopes to make a friend there. The park is big enough for them all unless a bunch of the read-a-book-under-a-tree people decide that their use of the park is the One True use of the park and start posting to message boards about how the others are using it wrong.

I'm content to let those who want to meatmarket, meatmarket. I've done it. To every thing there is a season, right? I'm pretty sure I didn't hurt you when I was doing it, Bella, or impair your usage of the facilities to any degree greater than you have impaired mine (that is to say: not at all.)

If your point (and I'm only guessing) is that I besmirched the edifice of "the lifestyle" by seeking and finding consensual pleasure with another person, well I think two breathing people are more important than this theoretical edifice, hands down.

Along with the meatmarketers I can also make room for people who want to stand on a soapbox and lecture about Right Lifestyling--if that happens to be what your base lusts are all about, say it loud. Just not too loud. So far I think you've struck a perfectly appropriate tone.

When I go to the park I can decide to whom I pay attention. I can decide whom I wish to approach and whose approach I'll welcome (and by the way, that grouping tends to exclude anyone who sees him or herself as a "practitioner" but, hey, that's just me and I'm pretty liberal with exceptions if the vibe happens to be right.)

I mean it isn't as though you're talking about a finite space or a zero sum game. The park I walk my puppy in has no walls around it. It just goes on and on. I don't even think the park is an adequate metaphor. I guess I'd compare "the lifestyle" to a city at least, even a nation or a world.

And then of course there are the Goreans.

I don't see the point in even conceiving of "the lifestyle" as a single thing in the first place, or as some object which needs to be managed or defended or something.

Live your life. Do your thing. If you're cool you'll find just the right number of cool people to do it with (I'll bet you already have.) And I'm not being sarcastic when I say that if one of the things you find rewarding about "the lifestyle" is the opportunity it affords you to commiserate with like-minded people about how I do it all wrong, well just rock on with your bad self. I think that's fine too and I wish you well. If that description doesn't fit you, I still wish you well--even if you do call yourself Goddess.



ownedgirlie -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 9:13:22 PM)

I see it as all a part of self discovery and self development.  There seems to be (and I could be wrong) this notion that those who live this life must enter it already educated, aware, and sure of what they want.  Many seem to look down on those who come into the BDSM, D/s, M/s ways as an answer to something they seek (I am not saying you did this, just in general).  Isn't that part of life?  We all seek answers at some point or another.  Some people turn to things that are not healthy for them - drugs, alcohol, self destructive behavior.  Others turn to the spiritual realm.  Etc.  The fact that some turn to this aspect of life does not surprise or bother me.  I did it.  I had no idea what those abbreviations (above) meant.  All I knew is I had a drive for something and followed it.  I did it rather unhealthily (is that a word?) at first but that was the path I needed to take, and it was the path that ultimately led me right where I needed to be.



NakedOnMyChain -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 10:02:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GddssBella
I've initiated this thread as an advisory, if you will, for those that are confusing what they've read, seen, heard perhaps in the media or through their own rambling sexual discordia. Take it with whatever grain of salt you feel necessary. I just dearly wish folks would stop viewing this lifestyle as a meat market, ripe for the fruition of their base lusts.


I like my base lusts.  For me, the lifestyle is vitally mixed in with my sexuality.  The two are inseparable.

I know what you meant, though, and I agree.  The difference between how I feel and what you speak of is that I play on an emotional and personal level as well as a sexual one.



NakedOnMyChain -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 10:06:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LASub4Real

I've always thought that one reason for the lack of reality (and I'm certainly not the first) is PORNO!

Waaaay to many people get their appetites whetted, their imagery defined, their lexicon set, indeed and their entire concept of S&M based on porno tapes. These guys (mostly guys) begin with Hugh Heffner and Larry Flynt in their teens and end up years later in the long and curly end of the porno cornucopia shaking out the whips and chains videos.

And when these fine young gentlemen finally arrive at the end of the masturbatory rainbow, what do they find? Why, a sado porno club!!! A place where they can actually find real people who are willing to engage real-time in this exciting new form of porno for less than the cost of a video... they even call it a "Lifestyle!"

And that's how they see Alt and CM and all the others, a social extension of their extreme porno videos. So every other day they arrive here on the boards with wanker questions and hastily filled out profiles that read, "I am LordTIM, and I require my NAKED stable of subs to draw my carriage to work NAKED and wait for me until 5:00 p.m. in the parking lot NAKED."

I have no idea what the solution to this problem is.

LAsub


Exactly!  I have always felt that the common types of porn sets people up for disappointment.  If their sexuality is not well-rooted in reality, porn leads to unrealistic expectations.

P.S.- Would it be a "pornucopia" then?



LASub4Real -> RE: An Education on Fantasy. (10/2/2006 10:36:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain
P.S.- Would it be a "pornucopia" then?


Hey, I Like that!

Lol!

LAsub



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