The submissive`s need.

The submissive`s need. (Full Version)

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nella -> The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 7:33:47 AM)
i have seen a trend here and on other sites of, especialy new Dominats and put up a regimen for their submissives that are werry good for the Dom but that alow the sub nerly no time to herself or to do what she or he likes. slaves and submissives are human beings to and we all need time to do what we like and we need a life situation that makes us happy. i am not saying that such a regimen would be bad for all, but i belive that many new Dominants have a werry unrealistic set of expertations. It is fine that the Dom desides what to have for dinner, and what to watch on TV, but if he or she never chose what the sub likes, there is bound to often be conflicts. many expect a sub to be a shiny, good looking sex slave, a maid, a driver, work and earn money to the household, and never unwied themself, if the Dom loves Western shows then that is what they will always watch. Do not the sub also have a right to be happy, and even if the Dom do deside, should no the sub`s needs be taking into consideration to?

MistressFire70 -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 7:53:55 AM)
nella, I feel that there is a hierarchy to the relationship: My needs and the slave’s needs are equal, followed by my wants followed by the slave’s wants. It will all depend on what is defined as a want or a need on the part of the slave. I value personal time for myself. I can honor that my slave would also feel the same. As for things like music and TV shows, sometimes I don’t have a preference, so I can be open to alternatives. Fire

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 8:13:01 AM)
I guess in a perfect world (for slaves), slaves should be able to sit around and watch soap operas while eating bon bons and having other people do what needs to be done. What I want to know is: If there are those that are so averse to being "ruled over" or "succumbing to another's will". . .what does that makes them? Fair weather subs/slaves? "I'll listen to you and obey you as long as it doesn't cause me any kind of inconvenience." It doesn't seem like a very difficult thing to analyze. . . Perhaps if being dictated to rubs you the wrong way. . .a more traditional relationship will suit you. What it really boils down to is what the people involved and how they want to go about it. J

nella -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 8:22:21 AM)
Jules you are exactly the type of Dom i am talking aboute, whenter somone on this site that is a sub express a need they are fair weather subs or nor truly submissive or whatever. Bottom line is that even if one want somone to rule over you do not mean that you have to be meserabel, and even if you can tecnicaly live just on food, wather and sleep, amny would not call that much of a life. So why dont you listen to you own adice, you seam to have pleanty to say whit everyone elses relationships, if the sub do not only want to lie on the floor and whisper oh yes mistress, me me have no life, let me have no need execpt food and wather, my hapyness means nothing, you clain they are not cut out for this lifestyle. i am well aware that it depends on the pepole involved, and that some pepole might want to live like that, but that do not mean that pepole that need thigns thmself are not subs.

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 8:39:09 AM)
quote: What it really boils down to is what the people involved and how they want to go about it. That was my closing. Maybe you need to brush up on your English skills because that particular phrase means that if your owner wants you to sit around the house and do nothing all day. . .that is between you two. quote: Jules you are exactly the type of Dom i am talking aboute, whenter somone on this site that is a sub express a need they are fair weather subs or nor truly submissive or whatever. And that is fine. I'm sure you aren't suggesting that I don't have the right to express my opinion and call things like I see it. As a matter of fact, you started this whole thread with your bias/opinion so what is good for the goose is good for the gander. J

StevesPetLex -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 8:51:43 AM)
I was a slave, I still am at heart but just not owned at the time. My Master (as good as sir was to me) drove me away from him eventually. I Loved to serve him, I learned to enjoy the same tv programs, music, and past times of playing games with him on occassion. But what got me, is not even when I slept could I quiet my self to sleep with out worrying about something he may have wanted me to do. Something of his needs I should have anticipated and didn't. Or something I forgot. And it literally drove me nuts. I couldn't sleep. I got so adjetated during the day that I'd just sit and cry. I never showered/bathed by my self. The only time I got alone is if I asked permission to go to bed early, other wise my head was in his lap for the remainder of the night until he decieded we were tired. He will argue I spent all day alone while he was at work, but I worked all day too, I cooked, I did a little cleaning and we have a beautiful toddler taht takes up alot of time. yeah like 90% he's a fairly new Dom. And I think what they don't realize is theres a balance. You can controll every aspect but to keep a happy healthy pet they have to have a little time to run,or a little extra time in the morning to just watch the sun come up. even if its just 10-20 min a day. Even if we arent' humans to some Doms, were certinly Dogs, or something. Even they need time to run free. even if it is in their own feces. Hell I"ve babled maybe someone will get my point of view. Night everyone!!

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 8:59:03 AM)
quote: Hell I"ve babled maybe someone will get my point of view. Night everyone!! I totally get your view. I think that it is admirable that you did go to those lengths and determine what it is that you could and could not live with. And I do not detect in your tone at all that you are complaining/whining about it either. I don't think that I can stand to be around a person 24/7. I don't want to control someone to the extent that it becomes an incovenience to me. I think that the key is (for me) finding that level of control that I enjoy and am comfortable with 2) Finding someone compatible. i.e. someone who won't think of it as a hinderance but actually enjoys it. Although I think that it should go without saying (the compatibility issue) people love to look at what other people are doing and bitch about it all day. If you see people doing something that you don't care for. . .and you are IN a D/s relationship. . .what is the point of bringing up how distasteful it is to you?? (That wasn't directed at you Lex[;)]) J

Destinysskeins -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 9:09:39 AM)
Greetings, Perhaps there isn't a clear winner in this particular tug of war but two people looking at the same question and coming up with the same answer but in different ways? nella - you're concerned that in order to be considered a 'good' subbie/slave that you must give up those activities/diversions that you enjoy. i doubt that many Dom/mes out there would seriously consider taking away all pleasures that Their subbie/slave enjoy partaking in - how do you grant a special reward for extraordinary service? And on the same hand, if one's reward for run-of-the-mill service and exemplary service is the same would many subbies/slaves extend themselves further? Now, i'm not saying that a subbie/slave needs to be rewarded generously to encourage good service but rather pointing out the fact that if nothing stands out then nothing is special. How would the subbie/slave know they were especially pleasing if this was not made clear to them? How do you continue/build upon excellent service if you don't know what is excellent and what is not? GoddessJules - With all due respect i believe that you might be misinterpreting nella's concerns. my general synposis of her comments indicate to me that it's not the act of deferring to another's wishes that is her concern but rather a (more than likely well warranted) concern that this willingness to defer will be treated off-handedly by the One it's offered to. i also believe that in Your particular circumstance this sentiment is unneeded as You will most likely seek out those servants whose interests most closely match Your own. In this way, Your preferred activities are generally those of Your subbie/slave as well and thusly no concern need be given to their lack of satisfaction. In conclusion i would say to nella - strike off your list Those whose requirements seem too conflicting to your nature. Instead, focus on Those Potentials who enjoy similar interests/activities as yourself and those whose views of a D/s relationship most closely match your own. This is not to say that Those who don't match these requirements are not good Dom/mes but rather that they are not good Dom/mes for you. There are many subbies/slaves out there that do wish to be subsumed by their Owner's wishes/desires and would prove a better match for Them than yourself. As always, if i've misinterpreted anyone's thoughts/intents i do apologize and would relish the opportunity to learn more fully the truths of your minds!

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 9:16:13 AM)
quote: In conclusion i would say to nella - strike off your list Those whose requirements seem too conflicting to your nature. Instead, focus on Those Potentials who enjoy similar interests/activities as yourself and those whose views of a D/s relationship most closely match your own. This is not to say that Those who don't match these requirements are not good Dom/mes but rather that they are not good Dom/mes for you. There are many subbies/slaves out there that do wish to be subsumed by their Owner's wishes/desires and would prove a better match for Them than yourself. I totally agree with that. . . especially the part <<This is not to say that Those who don't match these requirements are not good Dom/mes but rather that they are not good Dom/mes for you.>>and isn't that what this "open minded community" is all about? I don't go to the profiles looking for ones that rub me the wrong way. I'm sure my response to nella was barbed. That is because anyone with a measure of common sense would look at a profile and say "Hey, that isn't me. . .let me move on." I don't get why there is this big issue with pointing out how someone else isn't living up to some Platonic-Form-Idea of dominance or submission. . .and since it isn't my way. . .it's all fucked up. As I stated in my initial response, it is up to the two people involved. End of story. J

sweetpleaser -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:04:23 AM)
I think nella is trying to educate new Doms regarding the needs of subs because of another thread that has been running. The new Dom on that thread was pretty stoic in his rules. Nella, stick to what your priorities are in a relationship and don't feel like you are any less of a submissive for it, you are just you.[:)] New Doms who are trying to prove themselves will either find a slave to comply or will learn real quick to tone things down a bit.

ProtagonistLily -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:11:00 AM)
quote: And I think what they don't realize is theres a balance. You can controll every aspect but to keep a happy healthy pet they have to have a little time to run,or a little extra time in the morning to just watch the sun come up. even if its just 10-20 min a day. Even if we arent' humans to some Doms, were certinly Dogs, or something. Even they need time to run free. even if it is in their own feces. Hell I"ve babled maybe someone will get my point of view. Night everyone!! Again, as always, your milage may vary on what I'm about to say... I get really tired of the "He did this to me, he made my life horrible..." line of thought. Perhaps there's a band of Doms running around with capture nets, trolling for any sub in the storm that they can cage up and force to do all these horrible things... Alas, I know no one of this ilk in my real time BDSM life. I don't know everything, and I may have missed this mob, but generally, a submissive 'submits' to a particular Dominant. Given this, if he treated you badly, as you say, why did you stay? If he was a 'fairly new Dom like 90%' of them, clearly, your words express that you had some misgivings, even felt as if he was not suitably trained for you. That of course, is your right. However, what was it, in this clearly unhappy, emotionally questionable relationship, that caused you to continue? Where is the portion here where you take ownership of what you did to allow this situation to continue? I just get a little tired of the "He was a (insert the Doms faults here) Master and now that I'm free I can complain all I want. Perhaps next time, when seeking a Dominant person, you will use this past experience and make a better, wiser choice for yourself. Lily

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:11:03 AM)
quote: The new Dom on that thread was pretty stoic in his rules. And he doesn't have the right to be? Like Destiny said before. . .it isn't that he is a "bad" Dom. . .but not the dominant for her. I'm sure there are people who like that kind of regimentation. There is nothing wrong with what nella expects from an owner. The lines get blurred when she starts painting people who don't conform to her ideal as "bad." That's the only point I'm trying to make. J

INSIDEYOURMIND -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:21:15 AM)
I have been reading this thread with some interest, it seems that nella has asked this same question in a few other ways on different areas of these forums. I agree with Jules, it seems that when she gets an opinion that differs from what she is expecting, the Dom is bad. nella, These forums are here for people to express themselves, some days you may like what someone says, and another you may not. Take the information, and use it as you see fit, but don't shoot the messenger!

nella -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:27:54 AM)
Firstly i am not whining over what some pepole did to me, for i have one Dom and our relationship is good. What i was trying to do was start a discussion around this topic. It is completly fine by me when somone deside to live other ways than i would like to. What i was discussing is that many new subs are met by this, it was a discussion and i belived discussion was what this site was aboute. If i am only to discuss my relationship why the Hell am i using valubal time and money to sit on this forum? i was discussing how things are done, not a paticular relationship and neither was i discussing good or bad. Jules i think my problem whit you is that you responses are nearly always barbed, you do not always need to bitch to get your point across. You see when you see a post you can either just ignore it or you can be part of it in a polite way. This time i might not have anything to say aboute this becouse this time i finaly let my temper get the better of me, but this has been somthing that has been bugging me for long. Obiously you are experienced and knowledgabel, and being polite to pepole dont make you appear less experienced and knowledgabel. Destinysskeins, you got what i meant, it was not a discussion of right or wrong, but a discussion of a pariciluar topic that couth my atention.

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:30:30 AM)
quote: I agree with Jules, it seems that when she gets an opinion that differs from what she is expecting, the Dom is bad. Nuff said. . . J

ProtagonistLily -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:31:25 AM)
quote: Jules i think my problem whit you is that you responses are nearly always barbed, you do not always need to bitch to get your point across. You see when you see a post you can either just ignore it or you can be part of it in a polite way. Now who's bitching? Good lord....if you want to educate the new "Doms" then perhaps you should approach the Doms that aren't new with some courtesy. Lily

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:32:25 AM)
quote: Jules i think my problem whit you is that you responses are nearly always barbed, you do not always need to bitch to get your point across. When you post your opinion in a public forum. . .anyone can respond to it in any way they see fit. If you don't like to get varied responses. . .quit posting or ignore me. It is that simple. If you want to start dictating to me how and in what manner to post. . .you are welcome to pay my monthly broadband bill and I might consider it. J

nella -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:35:32 AM)
Do you get a paticular plessure form insulting other pepole? becouse belive me two can play that game.

GoddessJules -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:42:15 AM)
How was that insulting? You suggested the manner in which I should conduct myself on the boards. . .and I simply told you that if you want that right. . .you can pay my internet bill. I'm grown. I don't need you to tell me how I should be. So if you do want that right. . .put your money where your mouth is and pay mediacom every month. Otherwise. . .you can hush about that already. J

nella -> RE: The submissive`s need. (1/19/2005 10:44:17 AM)
What i can expect is not to be insulted by your so called barbed responses, i am an adult to but i try to be polite. Do you think that being an adult and showing you can do what you pleese must involve insulting pepole around you?

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