Prior to Play

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Prior to Play

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Prior to Play

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 2:56:40 PM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

As a counterpoint to some of the aftercare threads that we have had, I thought I would start a thread to discuss what people do prior to play to get in a good headspace.

I have learned for myself that I need more quiet time prior to playing in public than private. If we are going to a play party, I find it very stressful to have to socialize prior to playing and the more I try to force myself to talk with others, the more stressed I get. I don’t need to be physically alone, just mentally. I am capable of shutting out quite a bit of my surroundings and just focus on the thoughts in my head.

What do you do to get yourself in the mindset for play? Do you have any rituals or patterns that you follow? Is there a difference for public vs. private play or between play with an intimate partner vs. casual play? If you switch, do you do things differently depending on whether you are going to be top or bottom?

Knight's kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

Post #: 1

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 3:14:10 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

For me I don't play if the mindset isn't already there. Since almost all of my scenes are completely spontaneous, if I don't feel like playing, we just don't do it- we do something else. However, I hear that simply making a bottom kneel in silence for awhile before a scene can help a lot.

Now, what do I do to get myself in the mood to go out and socialize- I prepare my outfit. Having control over that aspect of myself and planning ahead of time gives me confidence and a feeling of comfort. While I try to make it not a big deal, the reality is that, unless I have some specific role or leadership position in the group, I HATE mingling and end up just wallflowering most of the time.

I prepare a bottom by talking to them, with my voice set at the tone for the scene I want to set, controlling how they are dressed, touching them and connecting to them with my own energy.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 3:26:45 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for the question kyra!

Well, I'm a bundle of OCD, so in order to get into my calmest head space, I have a number of rituals. I like to bathe and dress in a ritualistic fashion, arranging everything just so. Generally, I've got some music thumping throughout this process. I tend to view this as the last point where I have any control.

After all of this, we like to prepare together. I set the stage out however He has designated. I make sure that everthing still within my realm of control is in order.

I think the reason these particular things are important to me, is because of their calming effect. Once I'm calm, I'm able to assess my mental and physical state. I'm able to take my starting "temperature", if you will. If I've ever had a warning that something is amiss, it is during this time.

In public, I tend to need some pre-scene cuddle time. It helps me maintain my bond with my Daddy during the scene. I need some petting and ego-stroking. There are personal reasons for this, but I've seen a fair amount of it, so I imagine that I am not alone.

My pre-scene rituals help me get out all of the baggage that could concievably be brought into a scene. I'm able to be all emotionally/spiritually shiny and pink before starting. It's a wonderful thing when all I have to concentrate on is the scene.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 3:26:48 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear kyraofMists, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I am old fashioned, so I do like rituals.

In having a slave present themselves, on the knees it helps the dominant establish the relationship they/we both enjoy. In the kneeling position, it is actually a silent salute when proffered by an individual willingly. The degree of the bow often shows how deep the respect is. Historically, in a prisoner of war/slavery sense--it was to the authority/Master/Winning General to have prisoner's kneel with parted thighs as to show no weapons hidden, some clever prisoners could hide a small daggar in the buttocks cheeks clinched. So, parting the thighs was just helpful to discover weapons during the search, before interrogation and or torture. In addition, being on the knees approximately 3-4 feet or, just beyond the Master's whip/Warrior's sword was considered personal space; it also should be mentioned that the courts agree that inside 3-4 feet is deemed 'personal space.'
But, in modern M/s, D/s and or BDSM and or S&M, a slave on the knees is positioned at the genital level, to which the slave/submissive kneeling's sense of smell or 'scent' play begins; which starts the pheromones or the 'sexual arousal' of the other. Emotions as well enters the picture, causing another level of chemical changes that does effect the body as well as the mind. The smell of leather, can excite. The Master's touch is another sense a slave draws from, as much as listening to the surroundings if blindfolded, which amplify when the sense of sight is denied. The Master's voice can start the process of the scene's foundation, through tone, words and what is said. The power of anticipation is wonderful.

Presenting to the Master/Mistress/Dominant, also gives an opportunity to the dominant to inspect their slave/submissive/trainee/servant for any damage, such as injuries, marks, bruises, changes in their body, like a birth mark that changes color or size.

Another ritual I enjoy and carry on the ritual from my past; is that I enter the dungeon space with the slave waiting. I do not wear my vest. When I enter a guest's dungeon I go to the center and bow, giving honor, respect through a bow--a silent salute and then the slave will pick up the vest which is folded, the left front panel always up (the badge/medal/battle ribbons/service ribbons side). Then places the vest on me, thus 'investiture' the dominant. Much like knights were invested with their coat of arms, Leathermen's vest where seen to be very similar to that; a symbol of authority. By placing the vest or dressing me; the slave gives me their authority and or consent to my dominance and authority over them. I do not treat my responsibilities lightly. This to, helps reaffirm my authority through old rituals I've seen in my salad days. The whip is then presented and then the cover (hat). But, most times--it is just the vest. For the 'Lady' side of investiture; it can be placing of the sash where the tassel or cluster hangs left.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 4

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 3:40:13 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

Most of my play with Himself is spontaneous and it's a come-what-may sort of thing, but if I am setting up for a specific session with a particular purpose, then there may be several hours to several weeks of prep work involved especially if the scene is going to involve artistry of some sort. If I'm doing a full body shibari with waxing and needle work, I need to do everything from cut out my stencils and choose my color palette to testing my equipment and making sure I have all the necessary materials for the scene and the aftercare involved as well as the clean-up. A hot bubble bath with soft candles and music is almost mandatory for any scene which is going to go several hours. It gives me focus time as well as helps me to relax prior to physical exertion.

Before going to a public party, depending on whether or not we're going to demo, I just like to be alone with Himself, getting ready and doing the mush stuff people do when they are in love and getting ready to go somewhere where it's OK to be ourselves and doing what we enjoy doing. If we're going to demo with each other, no biggie, we've done it a hundred times and don't need a lot of prep ... but if one or both of us is going to demo with someone new, then that requires some alone time with that person so they know what to expect, where we are coming from, what the purpose of the demo is etc.

I guess, ultimately, my answer is ... it just depends. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 5

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 3:42:33 PM

Wildfleurs

Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

What do you do to get yourself in the mindset for play? Do you have any rituals or patterns that you follow? Is there a difference for public vs. private play or between play with an intimate partner vs. casual play? If you switch, do you do things differently depending on whether you are going to be top or bottom?

Knight's kyra

I haven't really found that I need anything to get into the right mindset for public play (or in private - which is mostly spontaneous so I don't think I'd have the chance to prepare much anyways). In terms of rituals for public play, typically the ritual is me laying out the toys and putting on the collar and cuffs set, thats about all I can think of.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 6:50:01 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't think I have anything worthwhile to add. I think I am too inexperienced for that. I just wanted to say thank you for the thread because it is one of those that give me cause to really think, learn something.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 7

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 8:33:57 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

Most play for me is spontaneous so there is no ritual or prep.

If I am going to be doing an intense or high pain scene, I like to know ahead of time, like several hours or even days. It is a combination of mental preparation and enjoyable anticipation. I can do it on a quick notice thing, but then I need like 10-15 minutes of quiet to sort of focus and center myself.

I normally don't really need quiet time, except maybe immediately before. I tend to focus on my own breathing. If there is is anything bugging me, I do take a minute to let go of that so I am not distracted.

If it is a casual play partner I always do a quick "review" just before we start.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 8

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 8:37:32 PM

FancySeatCover

Posts: 30
Joined: 10/2/2006
Status: offline

one on one eye contact and soft touch puts me there or a hour in the cage

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 9

RE: Prior to Play - 10/2/2006 11:23:40 PM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

First of all, thank you, LadyHugs, for sharing your personal ritual and for enlightening me to a ritual I've never had the pleasure of witnessing firsthand.

We do a LOT of casual play with partners we've known for years, as we're slaveless at this time. The first thing we do is negotiate and do a quick review of everyone's limits. Then, we part ways with the person in question for a while, so we have time to set our equipment up, and they have an opportunity to prepare themselves, however they do, with the instructions to rejoin us when they're ready to begin. We arrange them as necessary, position-wise and restraint-wise, then start the scene.

We're usually both in our respective head-spaces before we even arrive at a party. We do the mushy lovey-dovey thing between ourselves beforehand, as well. Pretty straight-forward, I guess. Safety and negotiation is always our first priority.

As always, YMMV...

TheShadows

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 10

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 12:22:35 AM

Sirandlittle1

Posts: 538
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Prior to play that im instigating, I have various 'get my body ready' rituals that i enjoy and he doesnt give tuppence for.
Then i set a 'overture' up, which is the room arranged in a certain way.
Usually, i can pull this off better, with a little dress up. Kinda alter ego stuff.
Then i start flirtin my ass off. He flirts back, and Bob's your uncle.
Sorted.

Prior to play that he's been planning, its usually convoluted planning and scheming on his part, with no prior knowledge until it begins. There maybe some preparation he requests of me, these things are usually micromanaged, very short succinct instructions. As if im a child, and he needs to be clear. Sometimes, there are clues in the prep, but sometimes they are a deliberate red herring, to throw me off something else.

Its kinda like a elaborate dance, until 'prior' becomes 'now' and finally 'then'

(in reply to TheShadows)

Post #: 11

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 5:14:54 AM

teamnoir

Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline

For me it depends entirely on the type of play, the relationship with my partner, the type of event, context, etc.

Sometimes it's as simple as "Hey, you up for a flogging?"

And other times it's a week or two of preparations, a series of literal explicit rituals, discussions, cleaning house, ceremonial baths, tantric connections, extensive journalling, fasting, sexual abstention, costuming, etc.

It's not so much about public vs private as it is about the level of intensity or depth that the event can support. Ritual events in groups can be extremely impactful with the right group. But typical open dungeon play parties, even in private clubs, don't generally lend themselves well to extended scenes nor to particularly deep connections. And public clubs with random wankers make this sort of internal play nearly impossible, though they open up the possibility for a different sort of external play involving theatre and a different sort of interaction with the audience. Completely private events, like those in my home, lack the audience factor, and the distraction factor, but they also lack the group dynamic and support factor of group ritual.

I really enjoy the deeper stuff. But I also enjoy much of the casual play as well. So for me there's a wide range.

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 12

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 5:55:11 AM

Smythe

Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

I do not wear my vest. When I enter a guest's dungeon I go to the center and bow, giving honor, respect through a bow--a silent salute and then the slave will pick up the vest which is folded, the left front panel always up (the badge/medal/battle ribbons/service ribbons side). Then places the vest on me, thus 'investiture' the dominant. Much like knights were invested with their coat of arms, Leathermen's vest where seen to be very similar to that; a symbol of authority.

Lady Hugs, A little off topic, but what is your vest and what does it look like?

I love the idea of pre-play ritual although maybe something a little less military suits me.

When I see my boy he is always kneeling in wait and I place a collar, but that's the extent of it. On the other hand, my process of selecting the rope, buckling on the cuffs and so on has taken on a bit of a ritualistic feeling and definitely gets me in a more dominant mood.

Smythe

_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 13

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 6:11:38 AM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

Well for public play and i can only go on one outing with Daddy.. and i played with others. Through the first bondage scene, he always gives me a BIG hug to start with and double checks with me that "i'm sure" and i give the go ahead. During the scene he keeps in almost constant physical contact with me. Kissing me and checking to make sure i am alright every 5 minutes as he knows i get high anxiety levels at times. He was never more then a whimper away if i so needed him. During a scene that i was thrashed.. he gave me a BIG hug again to start with and then stood in the back ground keeping an eye on things.

As for getting ready for things like that.. all i need most is a hug to reassure me things are okay and then i just leap in.

In private, i have my own ritual of making sure everything is excatly perfect before he arrives. Everything is perfect for his taste. The shower, the shave, the lotion, the perfume, the cleaniless of my place, the atmosphere. It usually takes me a couple of hours to make sure everything is "just perfect". If he plans on sceneing when he arrives, he has me prepare everything else. The cuffs, the furniture used, the ropes laid out, the shackles/cuffs laid out, all the keys and locks laid out, the hood laid out.. whatever he plans on using i am to lay them out for his use when he arrives. At his moment of arrival i am either to kneel with or with out a hood on and with or with out a gag on, in the shoes he chooses, naked everywhere else and so on.

Oddly though.. all that preparing.. generally throws my anxiety level up as i start to worry about a million things. Generally its everything being "perfect" and done just so. (i'm abit ocd) Its not until half way into the scene that i actually start to relax and calm down. LOL

Though we do play randomly and lightly through out the day. He generally says "bend over" and thats that.

(in reply to Smythe)

Post #: 14

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 7:15:18 AM

alandraofMists

Posts: 187
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

For myself, i find the difference is not so much public or private play, but play in His house or play outside of his house whither that is in public setting or in another private play setting.

For play in his house whither it is in the dungeon or elsewhere in the house, i need to have more of a quiet un interrupted time before play. This is time for me to calm my thoughts and clear my mind of all the little worries and cares i have in my mind.

When i am outside of the house, my mind is more in tune with the moment and not thinking of what needs to be done to keep the house running the way His wishes it. Because of this, i need less time to clear my mind and get to the right headspace.

Knight’s alandra

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 15

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 7:39:59 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I cannot say I have any significant things that I do on my own. I would say on light/short type things done I actually enjoy not being prepared and enjoy the spontaneity. On the more longer/painful type play I did prefer to know ahead of time so I could just get my mind in order and I will consciously focus on my breathing with deeper breathes to calm and slow me down.

When I had been active in a local community, I pretty much prepared in a similar way but also would want physical contact with my Master leading up to things. I would prefer mush but leaning on him or his arm around me would do.

(in reply to alandraofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 10:30:13 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I suppose I'm the only one to think about the more mundane things.

We don't play publicly. First, I need to assess my emotions and see if I can play. If I've not recovered from a very stressful situation, I need to talk to him about this. Sometimes him holding me for a while will be enough to get me relaxed and into a better headspace. Other times I know it will be a train wreck ahead of time and have to tell him that.

Physically, make sure I'm not dehydrated to start with, have I eaten that day? If we're any place other than the bedroom, bring a blanket in with me, bring water to where we're playing. And fill the tea kettle so all I need to do afterwards is turn it on.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 17

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 8:59:47 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

~ fast reply ~

I allow myself quiet time, to reflect on him and who/what he is to me. I drink lots of water and make sure I have eaten well, and I make sure water is readily available for later (for both of us). I make sure my body is prepared for him He will always talk to me beforehand, to be sure my mind is where he wants it. I always present myself to him on my knees, and in the manner which he prefers (unless instructed otherwise). There are no thoughts in my mind but him, and of my purpose to him. We do not public play, but others have been brought in. My focus remains on him no matter where we are or who is with us.

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 18

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 9:18:49 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

Oh, I don't find that stuff mundane, it just didn't occur to me. Daddy takes care of all of the health/safety planning and set up. He monitors my meals and specifically my water intake. I'm terrible about skipping meals and drinking enough water.

Generally, He'll set out water and blankets once I've been bound...for some reason seeing all the safety stuff just puts me right out of the "fear" mindset. He prefers that my first impression of our set up play area nothing to do with my safety.

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 19

RE: Prior to Play - 10/3/2006 9:34:41 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

What do you do to get yourself in the mindset for play?

Our play is all in private and often spontaneous. Often when He is showering i will look at some of the pictures on Hogtied.com, that always gets me in the mood.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 20

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Prior to Play

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094