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Noah -> RE: how to prepare yourself for punishment ? (10/3/2006 11:58:55 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stillexploring
how do you prepare yourself for punishment , i think your dom/domme would not like if you cry loudly during punishment , how do you control your imotions and accept all kinds of punishments gladly . ?
Maybe hearing you "cry loudly" is one of the things he enjoys most about punishing you. I mean I don't know the guy so I don't want to assume too much. Maybe you shouldn't either.
I think a great way to prepare for anything in a relationship is to take time getting to know a person and to remain open to all the possibilities. Leave room for your partner to be who he is, with his own preferences and peculiarities rather than deciding in advance what he should or will want and not want. I'm not accusing you of doing the opposite. I'm just saying it is something to watch out for.
I would also caution against setting goals for yourself which in the first place he might find inappropriate and in the second place might be frustratingly unreachable for you. To accept all punishments "gladly"? It really isn't ridiculous to say this. I presume you have a realistically not over-simplified notion of gladness in mind here and yes, in a certain sense this might be an ideal for you to hold. But in practice, some of the time "gladly" just might not be an option. I hope you will explore that moment too rather than just imagine that you have failed in some way if you don't achieve gladness.
Similarly with the issue of controlling your emotions during punishment. This might be the very best way for you to look at things. On the other hand you two might use punishment sessions as an occasion for you to let go of control of your emotions (maybe relying on physical bonds as the "container" for the experience. I'm not telling you where to go with these things but just suggesting openess to possibilities.
If the punishment in question is to be a straightforward, painful physical punishment I would offer what follows.
Rather than, say, "clench up" physically or psychologically or emotionally to try to just get through this you might try to approach the experience in a way that could be described with words like openness and surrender. Again, no need to make this a pass/fail exam. Just maybe try out this way of approaching things to see what it might offer you.
This moment between you two will be at least as real and potentially meaningful and valuable as any other. Be present for it in the richest way you can. Feel it. Feel the way it starts and the way it proceeds. Feel the depth of it and the way it might seem as though it won't end. Feel yourself approach what seems to be the limit of your endurance, if this happens, and feel yourself transcend that imagined limitation if that should happen as well. And be sure to notice how good it feels when it stops!
Are you able to feel genuine gratitude before, during, and after? I'm not saying that you need to, or that you should even want to. Is that something you or he want you to aspire to?
If the punishment is to be not physically painful but some sort of psychological or emotional punishment, the advice above can still be applied, though it might apply a little differently.
Some people don't have room in their relationships for psychological or emotional punishments, and that's fine. For some--even some who have posted to this thread, emotional punishment is the centerpiece or even the be-all and end-all of this part of their relationship even though they may not describe it using those words. I'm speaking of those who say something like: "The way I feel when I've disappointed him is worse than any physical punishment could be and even more effective at helping to keep me on track," or some such words. Although of course emotional punishment can operate in a wide range of ways, not just this one.
Your letter seemed to focus on ways of preparing for a given instance of punishment, which is fine. You can of course consider a broader question of how to prepare to be in a relationship which will involve the punishment dynamic, especially if this will be new to you. In fact your having started this thread seems to be a case of this very kind of preparation and I think it speaks well of you.
There are many wonderful submissives here whose relationships involve punishment in some sense. As you can see from this thread some of them draw careful distinctions between punishment and discipline. If you read closely you will notice that each of them draws this distinction either as she was taught to or as it seems to work best for her (or him) and the definitions from one person don't necessarily line up witht eh difintions form someone else, which is fine (although a few of them will go to war to defend their preferred definitions of the words; you can decide for yourself what you think of that.)
I recommend not worrying too much about the definitions. If you read comments which seem to ring true from a person whom you get a good feeling about, engage in discussion, even write to that person. You can learn a lot, share things of value from your own thoughts and experiences (questions can be just as valuable as answers,) and you might make some lovely friends.
Good luck!
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