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Free range sub... - 10/3/2006 1:21:39 PM

gwynyvyr

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

I and my dom parted ways 3 years ago. I thought I could mentally exit the ten years of training and lifestyle.
Nope.
My dom found me...trained me...I was not mentally a sub before him, if you can understand that. Or maybe I always was and never realized it. Either way, now I am. Tried to shake it off and couldn't.
Now currently looking for a dom and have no earthly clue how to go about it.
I am afraid I will fall into an abusive situation rather than a dom/sub one.
Scares me. Scares the crap outta me.
I have tried one *committed* relationship in the past 3 years...unknowingly, turned out the guy I fell into it with...was, yup, another domless sub.
Oh yeah. That was a disaster of epic proportions.
So...where do I start and what do I do and where do I go from here?

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RE: Free range sub... - 10/3/2006 1:54:11 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Find real time groups in your area. If you go to google and put in the acronym BDSM and the nearest big city, you should find something.
Begin defining what you want in a relationship.
Begin defining what you DON'T want in a relationship.
Begin defining what you have to offer.
Don't settle just because you want to have a collar.
Don't get discouraged when the search seems to be taking a long time.

Welcome back. I, too, went through something much like you, only from the Dominant side.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to gwynyvyr)

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RE: Free range sub... - 10/3/2006 2:37:08 PM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

I took time off for a vanilla marriage and wow am i glad to be back home where i belong! Take your time and yes the local groups are quite helpful.

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"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

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RE: Free range sub... - 10/4/2006 4:47:21 AM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Google search ... YES do that *lol* ... You will find a lot of experiences and meet many people IRL. As for this site, update your profile, likes, dislikes, hard limits ... Pick a hobby and mention that one. Set your expectations according to what you see yourself doing in say ... 5 years time. Are you looking for Play Partners or 24/7 real time?

Good luck to you.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

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Post #: 4

RE: Free range sub... - 10/4/2006 9:36:44 AM

gypsylee

Posts: 293
Joined: 9/18/2006
From: Melbournia, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gwynyvyr

I and my dom parted ways 3 years ago. I thought I could mentally exit the ten years of training and lifestyle.
Nope.
My dom found me...trained me...I was not mentally a sub before him, if you can understand that. Or maybe I always was and never realized it. Either way, now I am. Tried to shake it off and couldn't.
Now currently looking for a dom and have no earthly clue how to go about it.
I am afraid I will fall into an abusive situation rather than a dom/sub one.
Scares me. Scares the crap outta me.
I have tried one *committed* relationship in the past 3 years...unknowingly, turned out the guy I fell into it with...was, yup, another domless sub.
Oh yeah. That was a disaster of epic proportions.
So...where do I start and what do I do and where do I go from here?

tricky. but it's good that you're aware of the dangers of falling into abusive r'ships. i wasn't and i did. yes, disasters of epic proportions.

i wouldn't have a clue how to go about finding a Dom. i met both mine on vanilla sites and neither of them were actively seeking subs either. we just sorta recognised each other as Dom/sub.

i think if i was 'free-range' i'd actually look for another sub online as a friend with whom i could go to real time groups with. i wouldn't rule out online Doms though... i dunno. best of luck.

_____________________________

You're one twisted fuck... Nup, I'm just an ordinary girl with nothin' to lose.

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RE: Free range sub... - 10/5/2006 3:22:43 PM

gwynyvyr

Posts: 3
Joined: 10/3/2006
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice all! I have had some very *cough* interesting response to my profile...some were great, some absolutely *squicked* me out, lol. Takes all kinds and I wish them all well. My problem is my work schedule...I am a night worker and going to any of the local events is darn near impossible, due to my schedule.

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RE: Free range sub... - 10/5/2006 3:32:17 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I will say I understand your fears. But I can offer these words, without risk there is no reward... anything worth having is a risk. I will also say that we never truly know how someone will handle the power they have over us until we cede some to them.. that is why it is best to cede it slowly

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Free range sub... - 10/7/2006 12:56:29 PM

amlonging

Posts: 153
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I will say I understand your fears. But I can offer these words, without risk there is no reward... anything worth having is a risk. I will also say that we never truly know how someone will handle the power they have over us until we cede some to them.. that is why it is best to cede it slowly

Applaud

applaud this reply julia !!

I had this "problem" too gwynyvyr...
" am a night worker and going to any of the local events is darn near impossible, due to my schedule."
and it is a difficult one. I over came it with requests off, but I could do that with my job. You might not be able to.
What did I do? I found several local BDSM groups on yahoo boards and began contributing to the boards, like you do here, and found myself in the company of several very nice people in real life who introduced me to others......

I have no advice for you..... its damned hard and I wish you the best. {{hugs}}

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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Post #: 8