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When a friendship ends - 1/19/2005 10:06:32 PM

MissFem

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I was reading a friend on mines blog today....as I like what he writes some times....not always but sometimes.....anyway.....I thought it was strange that he wrote about how he stays with friends and a Domme that treat him like an outcast......They end friendships with him...the Domme ends the relationship with him....then they all want back in.....She the Domme with holds sex and the friends stop speaking to him....then again they all want back in.......He knows I read his blog and sometimes we talk about it by phone.....which he is really smart so I enjoy talking to him when we can........Today I sent him an e-mail after reading it.....I explained to him about how I have seen friendships fall apart over the last few days....I told him...that its not just one persons fault that things fall apart......I really believe that......but I also told him .....I can go to a friend and say Im sorry for how I treated you and really seriously mean that.....I think sometimes when we all do that...the other person can play with that thinking they can make you suffer a bit......My friend is going through the same thing with his Domme as he put it, because he screwed up.......and she is holding it over his head......so I asked him.......just as I am asking you guys.....

1) why do we allow people to do this?
2) why do we care so much if a friend wants out of the friendship?
3) why after we say we are sorry and really mean it.......why do some people hang it over our heads and hold on to tht like a yo-yo?
4) why do we stay and let them hang things over our heads?

Im not going to post my opinion about this as I am still struggling with somethings....that I have to work out in my own mind.....but once I find what I think it the best response ...I'll answer my own questions

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RE: When a friendship ends - 1/20/2005 2:07:14 AM

FangsNfeet

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Ok Miss Fem here are your answers.

People do this behavior because they can. Some ppl truely feel that they are unworthy of having friends and always push others away. They especialy do this when they may feel depressed or down in the dumps. Others have never had real friends and view the term FRIEND as someone who uses them. Other ppl view having friends as a sign of weakness. Some ppl like the idea of being cold hearted and uncaring. Having a friend means you do have a warm spot in you after all. It can also mean that they need someone in order to be social and function as a whole. They don't like the idea of needing anyone for anything. "I can do it myself." Others do it to be just darn cruel or figure it's time you grow up and this is the best way to let you do it. The kick the baby bird out of the nest theory so they can learn how to fly. Or prehaps they felt sorry for you in the beginning and now just find you annoying and can't put up with you anymore. Some friends just need a break from others.

People who care about there freindships. Well if the other breaks it off the other normally wonders? What did I do? Or they were useing the other person and go "Shit, now how am I suppose to do this?" There are all sorts fo reasons to care. Emotional bonds do occur during friendships. Even if it never becomes sexual, you may find yourself thinking of the other person as a family member. Anyhow, good or bad, all friendships will come to an end.

As for the yo-yo comment, well it's just to be cruel or get a power trip from it. Love - Hate friendships are out there. Some ppl just like having the upper hand in all aspects of there life. I know one couple where a guy cheated on his wife and got caught. It was over 20 yrs ago. But when the dishes aren't getting washed the wife says "Fine! I'll do the dishes again so that you can go out and keep being a slut!" He then washes the dishes. Shit happens and some ppl will never let you forget it. Go figure. Others like to keep score on favors, paying for dinner, and helping out so they can use them later to get something done.

Why do some ppl stay? Well some ppl just have to have someone in there lives. They can't stand to be alone even when the other one is giving them shit. It may come from not being able to make very many friends in the past so when they finnaly make one, they cling to them as much as possible and just enjoy or tolerate the ride. Others are just gluntents for punishment.

Send me a private message if you need more details. And remember that if you milk a Bull you'll have a friend for life.

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RE: When a friendship ends - 1/20/2005 8:19:43 AM

MissFem

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Thanks for the thought and opinions....here is what I came up with.....
......Honestly...this is what I have thought about and even talked to friends about....so here is my opinion.......

1) why do we allow people to do this? We allow it to be done as a form of punishment. We know we did something wrong...so why not be punished for it?

2) why do we care so much if a friend wants out of the friendship? Because if you are like I am a friend is someone you defend...you care for...you do things with...you are there for them...you expect your friend to do all of those things too.....Being someones friend takes a lot of energy.....most do not see this...but it does...so you put all that in to one person...and hope they except it....

3) why after we say we are sorry and really mean it.......why do some people hang it over our heads and hold on to that like a yo-yo? I think the reason is because they need something to hang on to....I think maybe they feel that because you have done something to hurt them...they dont let go because of the energy they put into it and ....you hurt tham so they can't just let you off that hook...ya know?.....so they hang on to it to keep you....to make you suffer a bit....they reel you in and sling you back out...they keep doing this until you walk away....or they walk away......

4) why do we stay and let them hang things over our heads?
I think we stay because of the punishment.....because we did something wrong...and need to pay for it.....so it's like on with the suffereing ya know?....pay bitch pay...kinda thing

Now please mind you....I did not come to any of these answers on my own.....I spoke to a lot of people today and they kinda helped me...as well as the persons blog I read......it went something like this...

Fem...I stay because I love her....I told him I loved my friends to....but love can't make things better no matter what the relationship....he aid I know but if I didnt mess up....she would not still punish me...

I told him ....so when we mess up how long do we get punished for?....for ever for a day? aweek?....he said seems like forever........

So after long thought...I know that in my heart I can be a forgiving person...I care for each of my friendships away that only myself and I understand.....someone said life was to short...you are so right about that......so I have thought about it....and after talking to my friend...I decided that I can not sit around and wait for them to not be mad anymore...I can not allow them to hold this over my head for ever....we are all human and tell me one person that never made a mistake and I will kiss your ass........................I told this to my friend...and he said to me...Ya know Fem you are so right.....I wish I could say that and mean it.....well he doesnt know....but he can say it and mean it.....then ya just move on because the pain will always go away...there are always new friends and new loves to meet....

and thats just my opinion

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RE: When a friendship ends - 1/20/2005 6:34:13 PM

FangsNfeet

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It's an oppinion and I don't dissagree with it. ppl have broken friendships off with me and I as well with others for all sorts of different and various reasons. But no matter what, Jack, Jim, Capt, and Dr Pepper will always be my good and true friends. Would you like to get to know them? I could set all of you up for a meeting. And I promise they will all be very submissive to you.

"I got friends in low places where the whiskey flows like an oasis, Ohhh I got friends in low places" Some old and washed up Country Singer.

There's also that song by 3rd Eye Blind about understanding of a friend leaving. It's interesting to listen to if you ever get the chance.

Take care and remember that you can always make new friends.

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RE: When a friendship ends - 7/29/2005 11:12:14 AM

addcted2it

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From: Sonoma County, California, USA
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Friendship is an odd experience. It either prevails or fails. I have had many friendships (or possibly they were merely associations) with many people throughout my lifetime, but only have a handfull to show for it. And that's not a bad thing, considering that they are my friends for life. The rest have gone by the wayside, perhaps because either I have moved away or they have moved away. There are some friendships (relationships) that I have not a care in the world about -- like my first girlfriend, which I have no desire to see or hear from again. My wife disappeared, but I know how to find her. It's only been 20 years since we've seen each other, which is more than the length of our relationship. Was she a friend? Well, perhaps she was more than a friend, maybe even a soul-mate. OK, so why am I here and answering in response to this post? Maybe to make new friends or associations...or maybe just to chatter wildly about what little we all know of life.

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RE: When a friendship ends - 7/29/2005 11:24:06 AM

pbpDomme

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quote:

ORIGINAL: addcted2it

Friendship is an odd experience. It either prevails or fails. I have had many friendships (or possibly they were merely associations) with many people throughout my lifetime, but only have a handfull to show for it. And that's not a bad thing, considering that they are my friends for life. The rest have gone by the wayside, perhaps because either I have moved away or they have moved away. There are some friendships (relationships) that I have not a care in the world about -- like my first girlfriend, which I have no desire to see or hear from again. My wife disappeared, but I know how to find her. It's only been 20 years since we've seen each other, which is more than the length of our relationship. Was she a friend? Well, perhaps she was more than a friend, maybe even a soul-mate. OK, so why am I here and answering in response to this post? Maybe to make new friends or associations...or maybe just to chatter wildly about what little we all know of life.

hello addicted and welcome to the fora.... maybe the "hello and welcome" forum may have been a better choice of place to say hello's... this OP is kinda "known" for .... oh, hell.. if you want to know, go read Flame-On.... but, I will say hello and welcome and do relate. That is what makes life exciting... to learn more about it and those that make it up!

Anyway, hello to you.

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RE: When a friendship ends - 10/21/2005 6:16:44 AM

addcted2it

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Hello, phpDomme and welcome to the wonderful world of BDSM and D/s! I'm just a tad late posting this due to work and family issues, but I none the less wanted to respond to your friendly introduction.

Most respectfully,

-addcted2it

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