RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (Full Version)

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OhReallyNow -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/7/2006 6:06:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: desireofblkpearl

When my Master punishes/displines me he hates when I cry.

My question is this if you are punishing or Displining your slave/sub do you care if they cry, does it effect you if they do and how so?

this slave dislikes the pain that accompanies discipline. She most often cries from the intensity of it. However, her owner does not stop because of her tears or the pain it causes. This slave is being disciplined for a wrongdoing, Master see's it through till the end.
 
As mentioned by another, Master does NOT comfort this slave after. It is not in his nature to 'reward' bad behavior, and coddling or stroking this slave after  would be counter-productive.
 
She will say this though, this slave has never made the same error twice [:)]



mp072004 -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/7/2006 6:06:49 PM)

My partner, who is also a dominant and top, likes it when bottoms and submissives cry due to physical or emotional pain. He finds tears arousing. This behavior, mentioned in earlier posts, is called dacryphilia.

I dislike soothing crying people, regardless of why they're crying. In my experience, bottoms and submissives who cry often want to be soothed, while I prefer to ignore tears. Tears in themselves don't bother me, however, nor do I find them especially exciting. If a bottom or submissive is okay with my indifference to his or her tears, then I'm okay with his or her crying.

Monica



Kashan -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/7/2006 7:17:06 PM)

[/quote]
"when you cry, your defenses are down" 

(my walls that shut everything out, that keep me from caring, or feeling ect)

edited to add :  i am not one of those people that cries easy and i've managed in my life to learn to do anything but cry.  i hate to be seen crying and have actually managed to learn how to cry and smile like i was perfectly happy at the same time.  (fooled him a few times in the begining.. ha ha ha)  I despise crying, its a vulnerable spot to be in and shows a weakness.. which of course i hate to do.  To me, its an "in" and i definetly refuse to allow anyone "in".  So with me, it is beneficial for the tears to come.  No matter where the tears orginated.  So between Master and me - he knows he has reached into me and past any wall blocking out whatever he is trying to teach me. 
[/quote]

This is so on the money for me. I played with someone new last night and alomst did cry, but couldn't cause I wasn't "there" with him yet. I don't know him well enough to trust him with my tears. It is an "in" and very few people get there. But I was sad all day and needed some release, someone to help. Since there isn't anyone I watched a tear jerker instead and cried in joy. Almost as good. sigh, someday.
I realize some women use crying to manipulate, but some of us just avaoid it like the plague. You need to know which you have before you ignore it, or you might miss a doorway you were looking for, that goes right straight into her soul.



krikket -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/7/2006 8:57:50 PM)

I've often found it curious that, while I cry easily over sad songs, commercials, the news, after an unusally intense and soul connecting orgasm, etc., I rarely cry when being disciplined or punished physically.  That's not to say I don't cry out -- I haven't yet found a way to be completely quiet when being spanked, flogged, etc., but 99% of the times when I do cry I'm alone.  It takes a huge amount of trust in someone before i cry in front of anyone, and it hasn't happened very often in my life. 

Warmly,
jimini



afeathr -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/8/2006 1:39:21 PM)

I don't cry from physical pain, ever.  In fact, it makes me smile and laugh.  It's a coping mechanism called "inappropriate affect" and I had to tell Sir about this when we first met, knowing that at some point it would come up, or else I would probably be punished a lot more than I am (which is rarely).  However, I do cry from emotional pain, mostly frustration, and I tend to be a bit moody when I am hormonal...  Sir takes it all in stride, and understands that I am a "strange duck" all around.  My tears tug at him, but he is always compassionate and understanding.



shadevarr -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/9/2006 9:07:06 AM)

To the OP, crying when being punished to me has signified a desire not to suffer through this in the future. If a punishment is harsh enough to bring forth tears, I have rarely had to repeat it. Note that since I find pain to be enjoyable on both sides I do not admister physical punishments.



fckmeimirish -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/9/2006 10:38:18 AM)

Don't mistake me ... I will not soothe anyone until the point I was trying to get across gets across ... but its a fine line, I'll admit.  The psychology of discipline must be employed perfectly ... but at some point the sub/slave must know that they are completely and fully forgiven as closure and resolution to a punishable offense.  You did the time, as it were, and your debt to society has been paid, figuratively speaking, and we can go right back to blissful happiness so come over here and sit in my lap and let me remind you why you endured the punishment so willingly in the first place ... and why you always hate to dissapoint me because it takes time away from this that you love so well.  That's the place that I'm coming from, anyways.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/9/2006 1:23:02 PM)

I have to disagree that soothing or after punishment cuddles will negate the lesson. I have to be wraped up and cared for carefully after something intense like a punishment, I have to know it's over with done with and forgiven in the cuddling after. And no it don't lessen or make the lesson not take. It was still painfull and still horrid. And having done long distance where his punishment was not to deal with me at all has further streangthend what I know about myself and what needs to happen after punishment.



krikket -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/9/2006 4:04:29 PM)

This was the biggest problem i had with a mostly on-line/phone relationship years ago.  Although punishment wasn't (couldn't be) physical, he'd restrict my access to him, or lecture me throughly or both.  Later on he would say i had been forgiven my deed, but without his touch, the cuddles, i often didn't feel forgiven.  It took me a great deal to move past the feelings of desperation, guild and depression felt at those times, and added to his frustration that i couldn't feel his forgiveness.  To say it was a vicious circle would be an understatement, and over the long haul, resulted in the breakdown of the relationship.

regards,
jimini



quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I have to disagree that soothing or after punishment cuddles will negate the lesson. I have to be wraped up and cared for carefully after something intense like a punishment, I have to know it's over with done with and forgiven in the cuddling after. And no it don't lessen or make the lesson not take. It was still painfull and still horrid. And having done long distance where his punishment was not to deal with me at all has further streangthend what I know about myself and what needs to happen after punishment.



WhippingPostNY -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/10/2006 8:18:57 PM)

I am extremely aroused when my pet is brought to tears.

One of the rules that we must agree to when deciding compatibility is Rule #3 - whenever she cries, for whatever reason, it is my right to take her then and there.  Take her in whatever manner pleases me in that moment.  Right on the spot, without hesitation.  There is no exception to rule # 3.

If it is tears brought on from prior issues that she still harbors - well that is partly what aftercare is for. (provided she does not cry during aftercare - which will necessitate the interruption of aftercare (see Rule # 3)

WP



defiantbadgirl -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/10/2006 9:50:12 PM)

I always need to be calmed after punishment, but not during. If I was ignored or pushed away, I would feel like the dom didn't care about my feelings and instead of learning the lesson, I would end up resenting him.



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/11/2006 6:55:00 PM)

Thus far I have only cried twice, both times due to either frustration, anger or confusion...and both times tears were acknowledged and then ignored, of course what came out of my mouth on one of those times surely did not please him...Tempting



amaidiamond -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/11/2006 7:15:30 PM)

If we are talknig about actually punishment for wrong doings then mine are not physical, I am put in time out or in the corner etc to think about what I have done then punished in a way that is not physical as a general rule.

In regards to tears making him stop, if we are physically playing he activly enjoys my tears, he is a Sadist and won't stop till he decideds he is going to, he won't ever push me too far but it's always a stretch! He also activly enjoys soothing the tears afterwards.



lilgal1956 -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/12/2006 8:53:39 AM)

i understand that it is really hard to hold back tears,,i try not to cry but sometimes i just can't help it and they tears come..but my Master likes to see me cry and it adds to his pleasure when he is torturing me..or punishing me whatever the situation.



michaelGA2 -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/12/2006 9:31:59 AM)

i'm curious, is it exceptable for a male (be they sub or Dom) to cry?



theRose4U -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/12/2006 8:50:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

My Master has no compassion at all when it comes to things like that.He's quite ruthless. If he's decided that something is going to happen nothing, but nothing, moves him........least of all my tears. I accept the penalty because I accept the responsibility for whatever it is I've done but it's the actual pain that makes me cry.

agirl 


If your master has made it clear the way this is in your world and you submit I don't understand the point of your question. As Em has said on more than one occasion, if you start a sentence with "has anyone ever" the likelyhood is that someone has.



patina -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/24/2006 9:51:49 AM)

I myself do not see what the gender has to do with crying.  I feel it should be fine for all males to cry.  I think it would show good empathy and character in a male who could show emotions when there was emotional stress building up be it grief over a loss of someone or thing, i.e. dog, a extremely sad scene in a movie, Private Ryan, Shandoaha, sp?   or such.   


Patina 



MissBabydoll -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/24/2006 10:02:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

I myself do not see what the gender has to do with crying.  I feel it should be fine for all males to cry.  I think it would show good empathy and character in a male who could show emotions when there was emotional stress building up be it grief over a loss of someone or thing, i.e. dog, a extremely sad scene in a movie, Private Ryan, Shandoaha, sp?   or such.  Patina 


Hear, hear! I find it appalling that thirty years after the second wave of feminism, masculinity is retrenching to time-honored stupidities like "a real man would rather fight than negotiate" and "a real man doesn't cry"... Not to mention the appalling fact that more Americans now believe that "the husband should be the head of the household and his wife should obey his decisions" than they did twenty years ago!






DiurnalVampire -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/24/2006 10:12:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA2

i'm curious, is it exceptable for a male (be they sub or Dom) to cry?

It is completely acceptable. In my opinion at least.  I do know that my boy was raised not to show his emotionsat all, becasue he was the boy and that was unacceptable.  Breaking him of that is proving to be very difficult. I find it sad that as a child, boys are often told that they shouldnt be affectionate, shouldnt be emotional and should be "strong" becasue thats what they have to be. 

Tears however, mainly in girls, are not seen as simply emotion anymore.  I have known too many people who could turn it on and off ike a faucet, and they used it asa tool to get wat they wanted instead of an actual reaction. In situations like that, I have learned to ignore tears. I am a good read of character, and when someone cries over just about anything or tends to cry when they dont get their way, then it is far easier to ignore than when someone who doesnt typically cry all of a sudden bursts out.

Hope that helps

DV



ExtremeOwnerIL -> RE: Crying or Not Crying/ When a girl trys to hard (10/25/2006 6:54:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: desireofblkpearl

When my Master punishes/displines me he hates when I cry.

My question is this if you are punishing or Displining your slave/sub do you care if they cry, does it effect you if they do and how so?


If it is punishment, then no - it doesn't matter either way. There are times when I am glad she cries, because it usually means she is finding a deeper release and cleansing. It's hard to describe how to do this, but I check the "energy" of what is going on when she cries, to see if she's in a place that I don't want her to be - I can shift what I am doing to ensure that the punishment has its desired effect.

Regards,
EO



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