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To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 8:54:56 AM   
EducatedDomina


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/24/2006
Status: offline
A question for anyone who has legitimately tried to collar a slave from an online site: have you encountered the Oh My God Syndrome?

We've been working on this project a while - and it seems to go like this. Post an ad, weed through the players, pick a few potentials, start talking. So far so good. They're obedient, respectful, enthusiastic. All the answers look great and there seems to be chemistry. So an offer is finally made.

The slave *vanishes*. Or suddenly there's a "virus". Or a crash. Or a dead mother eaten by an alligator. A wedding they can't miss. Suit didn't come back from the cleaner. Earthquake. FLOOD!!   And they're gone.

Players are pretty easy to pick out. That's not what I'm talking about. These are people who have already made a significant investment in the interview process. Answered tons of questions. Exchanged pictures, calls etc.

Has the OMG Syndrome happened to you too?
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 9:06:31 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		The perils of taking anything online seriously...for all the backups you have online- so do they.

I'm curious why you spend so much time and energy into forming solely online relationships? 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to EducatedDomina)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 9:11:27 AM   
EducatedDomina


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/24/2006
Status: offline 		Re: multiple backups.  That's a great point!

As for the online relationships though, we only begin that way.  We're looking for a 24/7 live in (and we're pretty sure we've found our slave).  The local pool is pretty much tapped out, so we thought it made sense to search the net for initial contacts.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 9:15:23 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EducatedDomina

Re: multiple backups.  That's a great point!

As for the online relationships though, we only begin that way.  We're looking for a 24/7 live in (and we're pretty sure we've found our slave).  The local pool is pretty much tapped out, so we thought it made sense to search the net for initial contacts.

But your thread and previous post was discussing COLLARING online- you said that's when they disappear.

The offer you should be making is to meet for coffee, not to make a lifetime commitment.  You'll still have plenty of people disappear on you, but you might not be scaring off so many people who (legitimately) don't want to take that step so fast.

Frankly I rarely ever make individual dates with people online anymore.  I let them know what party I'll be at and they can either join me or not.  This way I don't go out of my way or change my schedule for them and don't lose anything in the process.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to EducatedDomina)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 9:22:51 AM   
EducatedDomina


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/24/2006
Status: offline 		I'm sorry my wording wasn't clear.  It's the drawback of knowing exactly what I'm taking about... ;)

So here's the REAL deal.  We've found this happens about 80% of the time when offering a collar to a slave for, say, a 24/7 live in position.  Yes, the relationship begins on line, no it's not intended to remain that way.

My apolgies for the confusion.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 10:05:19 AM   
PlayfulOne


Posts: 1047
Status: offline 		I think the point LA is trying to make is , "Have you ever actually met these people before you start offering collars"?  The idea of offering a collar to someone you have never spent any time with would be rather silly, would it not?

K

(in reply to EducatedDomina)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 10:23:09 AM   
gretchenS


Posts: 237
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

I think the point LA is trying to make is , "Have you ever actually met these people before you start offering collars"?  The idea of offering a collar to someone you have never spent any time with would be rather silly, would it not?

K



Or the fact that they have never played with the potential slave is also quite disturbing.
In order for a slave to feel secure towards your offer, you must invest REAL TIME on them.
Honestly, if I was looking for a relashionship with a dominant couple I would like them to get to know me deeply before getting involved. Not only involved, but COLLAR which, in my mind it is an equal of a long term commitment.

Get to know the potential slave, invite them over to your house for a weekend, play with them, talk to them. For a RT slave, on-line or phone crap is not a symbol of security or trust, even when they have told you so.

If you want to keep them interested, you must have patience in offering such a big step.

Patience, please! Spend real time with them, that's all what it takes for them to trust you enough to accept your offer.

< Message edited by gretchenS -- 10/4/2006 10:26:46 AM >

(in reply to PlayfulOne)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 10:29:17 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		LA has a point the differences between RT and online are so significant that he dea of transfering a collar from online to RT seems frought with problems.

I'll interview online, I'll talk online, but at some point fairly early on 3-6 months at the longest I'm going to invite the prospective to meet me for coffee or to attend some event I'll be at and discuss where it may go face to face. They will most certainly not be there to get a collar.
The first meeting goes well then maybe it's time to ask them up for a weekend at home so they can get an idea of what life might be like as my slave/submisive/whatever. These weekends might happen 3 or 4 times and then time to move up to a week or two.  Then if and only if things still look good will the offer to move in be made with the attendant collar being offred when the move is complete.

Advice/ Opinion worth exactly what you paid me for it.



(in reply to PlayfulOne)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 11:22:32 AM   
MASTERRocker


Posts: 277
Joined: 9/19/2006
From: Kitchener-Waterloo, ON
Status: offline 		Well. for my two cents (Canadian sense) worth... until an actual meeting is made - to read their body language, look into their eyes - etc.. - that is when you first know if chemistry is there. At that point ; then I feel more confident that there 'may' be possibilities....... until then - just social interaction as far as I am concerned.
MASTER Rocker

(in reply to Archer)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 12:15:46 PM   
DivaDuchess


Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline 		If you have never met the slave ... the last thing I would do is offer a collar.  Perhaps a Training Collar, which I have done.  However, even that is after the second IRL meeting.  Never online.  I spend a lot of time on the collars.  I make them myself ... I don't just go handing them out like candy on halloween.

Perhaps you should consider an IRL meeting or small gathering of like minded individuals ... then present a training collar.

Just my thoughts.


_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to MASTERRocker)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/4/2006 5:59:49 PM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		I agree, collars online just remain in the fantasy syndrome for both parties concerned....get to know them well and then after meeting them more than once, and if you still like them or feel they would make a nice addition, then propose the collar.

(in reply to DivaDuchess)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/5/2006 6:33:18 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		You're seriously expecting someone you've never met to accept you as his owner? So what happens if you meet and it's your brother? Do you still give the collar?

Now that's an obviously silly example but it is a reason to set up a meet early. You walk into the coffee shop, see your brother, or high school science teacher, sitting there wearing a red carnation so you can identify them. Either you go up and explain, or you back away quietly and send an email saying your mother's cat died again and you're no longer looking.

Way before the extensive interview phase is when you should have met. Discover that he doesn't drink his coffee just like your ex, that he does know how to bathe, etc. Find out if you like each other as people, not just as warm bodies to fulfill your fantasies.

(in reply to MasterKalif)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/5/2006 9:59:13 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PlayfulOne

I think the point LA is trying to make is , "Have you ever actually met these people before you start offering collars"?  The idea of offering a collar to someone you have never spent any time with would be rather silly, would it not?

K



That would be my comment as well...

I thought this post was going to be more about the ones move from online so that you actually meet for real, make a connection with & then they go poof. Now that disappearing act I'll never understand & it wasn't so much as OMG as it was why that SOB!

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to PlayfulOne)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/5/2006 11:21:56 AM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline 		Hasn't happened to me. But I don't build relationships that way. I want to move pretty quickly to at least a coffee date before spending much time interviewing online.

(in reply to EducatedDomina)
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RE: To my fellow Doms - The OMG Syndrome - 10/5/2006 5:05:17 PM   
Darthtellectual


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I may have the situation wrong due to the incomplete understanding of the situation. So, I will try to adress both positions.

Online collaring or first sight stuff gives no real indication of what the sub or slave is like and has no real value in their promises. End of story.

When I make an offer it is rarely before four months of face-to-face and/or play. Never before three. My collars are individual and retired if that person departs; this also adds to the value of the collar at my parties or those I attend. Often the prospective sees the collar sitting, waiting and empty, and will ask about it. It is then that they are told that it must be earned...

Thus, I haven't had the 'OMG' attack that you describe. I hope this helps.


(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 15
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