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dom_dotcom -> All the things he wants to say (1/20/2005 2:48:37 AM)
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ALL OF THE THINGS HE WANTS TO SAY BUT CAN'T (or WON'T)
1. When a guy keeps saying "uh-huh" or "OK" during a conversation,
it means you've talked too long.
2. Guys need to go out with their friends every once in a while or they'll hate you.
3. If you know my favorite show/sports event is about to start and I'm all ready for it, don't go calling me or sitting down next to me 2 seconds before it starts just because you want to talk. That is the wrong time and yes you will be ignored.
4. Yes, she is prettier than you are.
5. It's not the pants that make your butt look fat.
6. No, I don't really believe that bitch at work is trying to
destroy you.
7. Having to wear a tie or jacket to dinner sucks if it's not a
special occasion.
8. Your friend has man problems because she's crazy. He was smart
to dump her.
9. Yes, we are attracted to women with big breasts, but we're with
the girl with small ones so learn to deal with it. We chose YOU for a reason so stop comparing yourself to her or we will start to think we picked the wrong one.
10. We appreciate women who can throw on a baseball cap and sweats
to run to the market. They understand that breakfast is getting cold while the rest of you 'get ready'.
11. Yes, Your sister is a honey and yes, if you died a horrible
tragic death, we probably would after a little mourning.
12. There are other topics to talk about over dinner other than
you, your work, the cute black shoes you saw at the mall, you, your
friend's screwed up relationship, you.
13. In addition to the last one.. ALL BLACK SHOES LOOK THE SAME TO
US. YOU AREN'T BUYING THEM FOR US, YOU ARE BUYING THEM SO OTHER WOMEN WILL NOTICE THEM.*
14. Contrary to popular belief, not all lesbians turn us on
15. We scratch it because it itches and it's ours.
16. We love analyzing the relationship to death, especially when
things are going well - Not!
17. All of your girlfriends are not pretty and no, not all of their
personalities are wonderful.
18. Sometimes silence is golden.
19. We know they aren't real, but who cares? You would spend a
guy's money whether he made it, won it, stole it or inherited it. The how doesn't matter, just like fake boobs.
20. He isn't ignoring you on purpose. He only has so much attention span that can be given out in one day and he is trying not to waste it just in case you say something important later on.
21. No, we can't be just friends. I didn't invest all of this time into this to watch you hang all over some other guy in the name of friendship. Let me see if I understand this... you break my heart and have the stones to ask if you can constantly be in my face so soon afterwards. Get a clue.
22. No guy wants to hear you bitch and moan about your cheating
boyfriend. If you KNOW he's cheating and you're still with him,
that makes you an idiot.
23. Yup, Britney Spears does look borderline retarded, but we'd do her anyway.
24. It HAD to be a female veterinarian that came up with the silly ass notion that cutting a dogs balls off make him more loving and docile. Yeah right. Cut my balls off and see how loving and docile I am.
25. Kate Moss needs to eat a sandwich. If you insist on trying to look that sickly, you will be left for a girl who isn't built like an underdeveloped 12 year old boy. Save that crap for Michael. We like women with curves. Deal with it. If she just happens to be skinny for real, then it's cool. We can't pick our body types.
26. You will NEVER fit in the dress you wore in high school. Time goes on and you're not 16 anymore. You don't see us squeezing into parachute pants or sporting our Member's Only jackets. And not all women wear a size 7 shoe. If it hurts when you put your hoof in it, your feet are too big for the shoes.
27. Being a loud, picky and bitchy customer in a restaurant is not attractive. Just like you can judge a guy by how he treats the
waitress, we're judging you on how and what you order. If he has
never seen you order anything off of a menu without substituting, changing or altering an item in any way, he has sized you up to be a pain in the ass and impossible to please woman. Want to win his heart,order a #3 and just ask for a drink with it.
28. Same thing at the bar. If your drink has to be specially
prepared or requires a blender, again, it conveys pain in the ass. You'll make him work for everything and he'll never get to enjoy anything. We love that girl that order a beer or a corona. Shows a laid back attitude.
29. To the high schoolers and college freshmen guys, always
befriend and defend the nerdy or unattractive girl, you know, the one with the 'less than perfect' teeth or Amish clothing. She WILL turn into a fine looking creature and come back to haunt your ass.
30. The first rule about ex-boyfriends is that you don't talk about ex-boyfriends.
31. I have that many remote controls because it's against every guy rule to throw them out. They all came with something I bought for ME. Hey, I noticed you have 20 pairs of black shoes. You only need one so are you gonna throw those other ones away?
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