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Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 2:41:49 PM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
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Well, I thought that being outed in regards to WIITWD couldn't really hurt me, given my situation and the people who I associate with. I considered the potential risks in terms of school and future careers and decided that they were acceptable and should I be outed, my choices were worth defending.

I -didn't- consider being outed to my Owner's family.

I didn't consider it at all because I was under the impression that they were very open and liberal and wouldn't really think twice about the fact that he and I are invovled in some....alternative...stuff behind closed doors. Plus, I thought that the likelyhood that one of his family memebers would stumble accross my profiles etc was fairly small. I regualarly search for myself via google, and my real name has -never- connected me to my screen name.

Well. I was incredibly wrong. My Owner's mom did a search for me, and came accross -something- that tied me to BDSM, probably my CM profile. (I'm still not sure either why she was looking or how she found me given that she has only my name and -I- can't find me) All of this basically brought the roof down.

While my Owner's dad is totaly cool still, and basically told his mom that we're consenting adults, she's freaked out. She's scared of me, and thinks I'm basically sick. She all but told my Owner's dad that she thinks that there's a good chance that I (and by extension my Owner) will abuse potential kids or majorly messt hem up b/c we're not vanilla.

She also found out that I am bipolar, which she apparantly didn't know. I'm not sure -how- she didn't know because I'm not secrative about this and have been on medication the entire four years she has known me.

The reason this is so upsetting is that it is a total blindside. Not that she'd be uncomfortable because of it, that makes sense, but that it's caused such a 100% condemnation. I thought I knew her pretty well and that she was the type that this would be...weird...for but not -wrong-.

Anyway, the point of this post is to say that I guess I finally 'get' the risks of wanting to be out, and to remind people of what they probably know already, namely that you can never know how someone's gonna react, even if you think you know that someone.

I know I haven't done anything I should appologize for, and that I haven't done anything wrong, and I don't plan on backing down or closeting myself, though I -will- remain as behind-closed-doors in terms of play as we have in the past.

Good luck, all.

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 2:44:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Give it time. An immediate freak out reaction is almost to be expected. Give her time to adjust and come to her senses. At least you've got one of them on your side. :)

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 3:07:05 PM

subsa

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
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i have to say this is one of my biggest fears. my dil already thinks my husband (Master) and i are 'strange' and she doesn't know the half of it. she has said (i think in jest) that we won't be allowed to babysit any grandchildren because we would 'corrupt' them. so if she found out about our 'lifestyle' i'm afraid the threat would no longer be a joke. i hope LA is right that the shock will wear off and your Owner's mom will remember why she's liked you for 4 years. good luck and, if you don't mind, let us know when things improve. it will give me hope...

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 4:44:08 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Good point

sometimes we under estimate how some one will react.

similar situation - my owner's father found out i did some bdsm porn. electricity play. His father being into the "play" and looking at the web sites....... you wouldnt THINK.. but i'm condemned to hell. i'm most certianly rotten now according to my owners family. Oh fucking well. Wouldnt i just love to stand up and give them a what for? Shove their condemning, judgmental havent a clue about anything down their throats? Would be nice...

So easy to knock ppl of their high horses.....

and i hope it works out for you - ) Good luck and try to smile at her anyways. If yer lucky, it'll just piss her off and she wont be able to say two wits about it as - you - are - just - smiling

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 4:55:02 PM

PlayfulOne

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I feel for you and hope everything settles out. That is the reason we keep everything under wraps here. Her family is close and they see each other all of the time (family business) so we try and keep things tucked away. its not even so much her Mom and Dad but her Aunt and Uncle who I think would completely flip, not let her around her nephews anymore, etc..

We are moving a couple of hours away so I think things will settle down and we will be anble to be more relaxed around the house. It will be nice to be able to set up a play room and not have to "explain" to the family why the room is locked away.

K.

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 10:02:30 PM

behindmirrors

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I hope everything goes okay with your Owner's family, perverseangelic. That can't be easy.

Just yesterday, my mom wanted to have a conversation with me because she believed I was giving my boyfriend (Dom) too much control, and she was all freaked out over a long-running joke he and I have had- the "Can I have a pony?" that has been going on for longer than it probably should have, and that she already knew about, for the love of god. She was saying all this stuff about worrying that he would be all freaky like my father is and I had to try to explain to her that our relationship is equal, but just we take the lead in different ways and are silly about things. (Haha, I know my place, but my family can't know).

Needless to say, that was sticky. I haven't met any of his family yet (they live out of state and it's hard for us to travel together due to our work schedules), but I'm hoping that we will remain just as much in the closet about our relationship as we can be. For now, I think it's going to take some more convincing of my mom that my boyfriend/Dom really isn't a bad, controlling guy, nevermind that I love the controlling part, haha.

behindmirrors.

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 11:06:03 PM

MagiksSlave

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Im already out to my family and they are really fine with it they have know about it since I was a teen and they exept me and Master even though it freaks my Master out a little bit that they know what he is into! He is rather secretive about it and his parents dont know and as far as he is conserned they will never know and i respect that! Its his choice as it was my choice to let my family know.
Though I would never come out to the general public as it would be messy for me with my career choice.

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 11:10:01 PM

Dollbecky

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Joined: 10/22/2005
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I just had to have the "oh you found our profiles on a bdsm site" chat with my young SIL ...thankfully shes the most level headed 19 yrold I have ever meet (she was researching D/s to understand some friends) and once I reminded her that her big brother was a good man and we were safe sane and consentual and I reminded her I was in no way a mindless puppet or slave to his unnatural needs or worse; scared of him (her fears)... we are just a happy loving couple who are both into BDSM. I think it helped that I was able to tell her we were both involved in our local bdsm clubs when we meet (thus neither of us were lead astray) and that I am a Domme/switch.

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 11:18:37 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
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Wow...that's a tough spot to be in. Just remember, if they get curious enough to ask questions, you may want to have some preplanned answers handy. You don't want to get flustered and start spouting details. You also don't want to be confusing by offering multiple definitions of words. You don't need to make them experts.

And, even though you're uncomfortable, they're not entitled to any information at all. You are in a relationship with their son. The details you guys choose to share are in your control.

I hope everything settles down for you, and I'm sure it will. Just give his mother some time to come down from Parent Frenzy. And, you guys may want to be there for any aftercare required.

Edited for typos.

< Message edited by spanklette -- 10/4/2006 11:19:29 PM >

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/4/2006 11:23:42 PM

Vendaval

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Play it cool, stay calm, be really pleasant and courteous to both of the parents,
and give them time to adjust to the new information.

Best wishes,

Vendaval

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/5/2006 12:54:55 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
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I feel for you too.I'm hoping it settles down for you and she does realize why she likes you.

bishops dad just had to see what was in the room W/we told him not to go into...he opened the door looked for about 2 seconds and closed the door,walked away not saying a word and to this day has not mentioned it or opened the door again.He doesnt treat U/us any differently since seeing the dungeon than he did before seeing it.Whatever makes bishop happy,makes her mom and dad happy.
She is one of the lucky ones who parents are accepting of different Lifestyles,they may not agree,but they accept people are different.

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RE: Another thread on being outed - 10/5/2006 4:21:15 AM

Donnalee

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Wow, Perverseangelic, that had to be pretty hard. Blind fear makes for strange reactions. To be so rejected for who you are is always a blow, but coming from someone you've known is always more painful. I hope she is eventually able to reconnect to you as a person instead of the labels she's put on you.

I do have to wonder why she worked that hard on researching you...that's wierd in itself. What was her need to "catch" you?

I had a touch of something similar happen a few months ago, and it wasn't pretty at all, but most importantly, I learned about how easily people can find out where you tread on the internet through a google search of any nics or id names that you use.....it all shows up!

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