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Question about switches - 10/5/2006 8:18:53 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Recently I received a message from a Dom who offered to meet me for some active interpersonal relations.

I had a look at his profile, and it lists him as a switch.

Wouldn't it be more honest to tell me he's a switch (since it's there on his profile). Or does this mean he wants to be a total Dom with me, and switch to being a sub with someone else? I know this is probably a very naive question, but I haven't had any switchy experience, and I was curious about what he'd expect.

Not that it really matters - as my profile says, I have a partner and I'm not looking for anyone else for any activity beyond friendship, but that sort of eternal optimism is what keeps our species going.

And I'm not flaming or attacking anyone, he was polite and not pushy or offensive in any way, I was just curious about how some people define 'Dom', when they sub as well.

Post #: 1

RE: Question about switches - 10/5/2006 8:49:21 AM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Switching is very common actually. One instance they are bottom and another they are top. It takes a special person to be able to balance both. I would suggest you speak directly to him and just ask what his expectations are. Will he be Dom or sub?

Beyond that, just enjoy yourself and the experience.

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 2

RE: Question about switches - 10/5/2006 8:59:44 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I would say that the reason we have profiles is so we can read about these things. I would ask him what he means by that if you feel he might be an interesting prospect.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 3

RE: Question about switches - 10/5/2006 9:07:16 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I'm very happy with my partner, and not looking for extracurricular activities. I was just intrigued by the switch/Dom difference.

Being a sub is so natural to me, and it's an important part of my psyche. And the Doms I know are Dom to their fingertips. I was just wondering how it feels - and how it's possible - to go back and forth. I'm not criticising, just curious.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Question about switches - 10/5/2006 9:09:59 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

A lot of us have one energy with one person and the other with another. Some of us can switch that energy with another who will switch. Some of us serve and bottom as service to our friends/Universe. It really depends on the two people and the situation. My suggestion is to simply ask him. If he's offended, he's probably not a match for you.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 5

RE: Question about switches - 10/5/2006 9:29:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Read the switch forums. It's really the same as someone asking how you can be attracted to only males. It's just how we're oriented. This guy was likely wanting to form a relationship with you as just the dom, but you'd have to ask him for more details.

Being a switch, to some, simply means that you are a dom AND a sub.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 6

RE: Question about switches - 10/5/2006 11:03:23 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

There are times I feel the only person I could submit to.. would be Slave. And then I wake up :)

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 7

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 6:25:00 PM

SirMoi

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/9/2004
Status: offline

I have many personal friends in the lifestyle who are 'switches', although they tend to lean in one direction more than the other. It simply means that they enjoy both sides of the equation at different times and usually with different people.

I have one close friend whom I met as a Leather Domme, and a rather sadistic on at that. At a play party, I was surprised when she attended as a submissive and had nipple clamps attached and the got spanked HARD in front of everyone. About two hours later, she gave a wicked spanking to her slave.

I would recommend that you not freak out and simply ask for clarification regarding roles. I suspect that if you are a submissive, you will be treated as one and your partner will get his other proclivities fulfilled in another way. But ASK!

My 2 cents worth.

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 8

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 7:45:18 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

just like you dont say in your message your a sub why would he have to say he is a swich just because he is one as you said its right in his profile not like you cant just scroll down and look he wasnt hideing it or lieing he just prolly assumed you would look!!

and my Masters a switch Im not he is totaly Master Dom man with me he will find somene els to submit to. he is no less Master because he is a switch in fact I think he is an even better Master because of it the best I have ever had.

Magik's switch

< Message edited by MagiksSlave -- 10/6/2006 7:46:39 PM >

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to SirMoi)

Post #: 9

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 9:28:04 PM

impishlilhellcat

Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline

I'm listed as a switch also. For me I am either submissive to someone or Dominant to them. If I am submissive which is the side I often lean to I don't switch on and off to Dominant. For me it oftens depends on the dynamics of the situation how the other person and I interact together etc.. Your best bet would be to get to know the person that sent you the email. I don't think that he was trying to hide from you that he was a switch it was just that in your situation he would be Dominant instead of being submissive. Just because he can be submissive doesn't mean that he wouldn't be a make excellent Dom or that he would even be submissive.

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 10

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 9:40:22 PM

FangsNfeet

Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

You may want to know what his definition of a switch is.

After all, you have the D/s dinamic which the role switches around. However, there are those who only like to switch the S&M part. I like pain but I don't like being told what to do. I perfer to dominate my sub into giving me pain when I want it.

Find out if his switch side refers to being submissive, recieving pain, or both.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 11

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 9:43:58 PM

SadistCpl4fslv

Posts: 77
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline

Well damn......thought this was a discussion on the other other switches.......willow, birch, hickory

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 12

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 9:47:04 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Being a switch, to some, simply means that you are a dom AND a sub.

Ok, I have to ask. Because this totally confused me.

If a person can be a Dominant and a Submissive, would that not make them a bottom or a top in some instances? The only reason I ask is becasue I always thought that switches were more in line with this. Not trying to pick a fight or anything lol...genuinly curious.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 10:19:03 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

just like you dont say in your message your a sub why would he have to say he is a swich just because he is one as you said its right in his profile not like you cant just scroll down and look he wasnt hideing it or lieing he just prolly assumed you would look!!

and my Masters a switch Im not he is totaly Master Dom man with me he will find somene els to submit to. he is no less Master because he is a switch in fact I think he is an even better Master because of it the best I have ever had.

Magik's switch

I say in my profile that I'm a sub. I also say that I'm not looking for anything beyond friendship, as I already have a partner.

He messaged me saying he was a Dom. When I looked at his profile it said he was a switch. I commented here on my confusion about why he'd tell me one thing and list something different.

Sorry if it touched a nerve with you, if you have some issues with it I suggest you talk to your Dom. I wasn't suggesting there's anything inferior about being a switch, it's just beyond my experience and I was wondering about how it all worked.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 14

RE: Question about switches - 10/6/2006 10:21:23 PM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Thank you to everyone else who offered suggestions. Since, as I've already stated, I'm not looking for anyone, I don't want to ask him about it. I just wanted to get some expert input from the posters here - I regard this site as a useful research tool!

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 15

RE: Question about switches - 10/7/2006 12:00:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee
Ok, I have to ask. Because this totally confused me.

If a person can be a Dominant and a Submissive, would that not make them a bottom or a top in some instances? The only reason I ask is becasue I always thought that switches were more in line with this. Not trying to pick a fight or anything lol...genuinly curious.

Depends on the person. They are all very different dynamics and they can all exist within the same person through varying relationships.

Slaves can be bottoms, tops, dominants, and have vanilla relationships as well. There's really no limit to the combination of orientations a person can have. "Switch" is just the general label put on people who have a dom and a sub orientation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 16

RE: Question about switches - 10/7/2006 7:49:39 AM

WhipTheHip

Posts: 1004
Joined: 7/31/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333
I'm very happy with my partner, and not looking for extracurricular activities. I was just intrigued by the switch/Dom difference. Being a sub is so natural to me, and it's an important part of my psyche. And the Doms I know are Dom to their fingertips. I was just wondering how it feels - and how it's possible - to go back and forth. I'm not criticising, just curious.

I am more into bdsm than D/s. That means I am more a loving sadist, than a Dom.
I'd like to be a Dom. I am naturally dominant, but not overtly so. By this I mean,
I prefer being the leader, but I am not forceful about it. I hate people who just
take charge and do things their way. I have a lot of expertise and experience
in a lot of different areas.  Sometimes I come across someone who has zero
expertise and zero experience in a certain area, who still insist on doing things
their way, because they always have to be in control.   To my dismay, I was
once friends with a female like this, and now she has a boyfriend who is the
exact same way.   They ask for my help then try to tell me how to do my job.

I could bottom to a selfish, self-centered, perpetually angry dyke with constant
PMS who hated men, but I would never want to be in a relationship with one.
But I would never be submissive with such a person. For a relationship, I
need a female who is a bottom and submissive, and who would have little
or no interest in topping me.

I feel submissive with confident female mathematicians or with females who
have a higher IQ than I have, if they are beautiful, have a pleasing smile,
and a pleasant personality.

With most females I enjoy being dominant, but in a very relaxed way.
Maybe "Daddy Dom" best describes the way I feel with most females.

Different people bring out different cravings and different sides of
my personality.

Cheers,
Michael from N. Miami Beach

_____________________________

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 17

RE: Question about switches - 10/7/2006 8:55:00 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee
Ok, I have to ask. Because this totally confused me.

If a person can be a Dominant and a Submissive, would that not make them a bottom or a top in some instances? The only reason I ask is becasue I always thought that switches were more in line with this. Not trying to pick a fight or anything lol...genuinly curious.

Depends on the person. They are all very different dynamics and they can all exist within the same person through varying relationships.

Slaves can be bottoms, tops, dominants, and have vanilla relationships as well. There's really no limit to the combination of orientations a person can have. "Switch" is just the general label put on people who have a dom and a sub orientation.

Ok, I can partly understand this. I guess the part that really confuses me is this.

quote:

"Switch" is just the general label put on people who have a dom and a sub orientation.

If a person can have both those orientations, how come they don't call themselves bottoms or tops then? Is it because it's more than just 'sometimes'? ( as it is with tops and bottoms, if that made any sense at all ) I am not looking to have someone explain what switches are etc, cause I totally get that. It was just the way you said what you did that had me confused lol.
( I will say this LA, I am glad YOU answered )

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 18

RE: Question about switches - 10/7/2006 11:30:45 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tikkiee
If a person can have both those orientations, how come they don't call themselves bottoms or tops then?

Because the orientation isn't as a bottom or top, it's as a submissive and a dominant.

Maybe I'm not understanding the question you are asking?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 19

RE: Question about switches - 10/7/2006 11:39:03 AM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

DUH lol

Ok, I figured it out. Can we say light bulb please

I had a brain freeze there for a bit.

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 20

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