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behindmirrors -> RE: Bait and Switch (10/5/2006 11:33:42 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dnomyar
I came across the term Bait and Switch from another post. I have come across people who want to start off vanilla and then later may switch into the lifestyle. The question is how much time if any at all should you invest it these peoplel.
My $0.02:
Well, this answer seems easy- you should invest as much time as you feel is worth it in these people. Do you feel that they, as a person, are worth your time, and that something more may come of it? Then invest. Otherwise, don't.
Speaking as one of "these people"- I started in a vanilla relationship that progressed into D/s after discussion about our fantasies, which were incredibly compatible. I wouldn't call this "bait and switch"- I think that's when someone leads you on to believe one thing and then dicks you over later. Kind of like being nice for a while to lure someone into a vulnerable position and then screwing them over, I guess- there was nothing of that in our situation- there was no pretense of D/s at the beginning, just two people who liked each other, worked out as a couple, and then we explored. I'd say it's more of a "making sure we're compatible on multiple levels and I trust you as a person before I trust myself to you as a submissive".
For me, developing trust in and love for my then-boyfriend-now-Dom was the key for me to be comfortable enough to bring up the topic of D/s and how I have had all these strange submissive feelings and fantasies for years and would like to finally act on them. For someone new to it, there can be a lot of time needed to feel safe enough to bring this up and share it with a partner- especially if they don't know what their partner thinks about it.
Now, if someone is meeting under the pretense of a D/s relationship, and then tells you they only want something vanilla for now, that's different than my situation, but I believe it has much to do with the same things ours did- making sure that you have more in common than whips and ropes, feeling safe with the other person, developing trust and connection, and making sure you're not getting into a bad situation. People should know each other well enough to know they have more in common than D/s- after a few years, discussing only that and doing only that would get old if there is no other common ground, especially in a 24/7-ish situation.
Perhaps things like that should be said up front: it's not too hard to say "I want to make sure we're compatible as people first, and have a good connection, trust and communication with each other before I'm willing to enter into a power exchange." It's a reasonable request, and for the eventual good of all parties involved. In my opinion, there has to be more than who likes to get tied up in this sort of thing- the people in each relationship need more than that to feel secure.
Haha, if that was supposed to be $0.02, I just gave you a $1.27.
behindmirrors.
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