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RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 11:55:29 AM

fckmeimirish

Posts: 27
Joined: 5/11/2006
Status: offline

Truble ... I like the way you think (grins devilishly). Being on the bottom doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to think for yourself, does it? Being on the bottom doesn't mean that you cannot be seductive, does it? I don't know many men in this world that aren't a fan of being seduced by a female into some naughtiness ... so this is an experiment worth running. Who knows, you may find that this is a way that he simply loves to be served and you can add it to your arsenal to help you serve him better and keep things hot for yourself in the process.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 21

RE: what do I do... - 10/6/2006 4:40:58 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: prettykittie

Are you offering?lol...

Dear Kittie-
well, I wasn't, but if you are interested, JETBLUE flt 166 leaves from portland tomorrow (Sat) at 11:59. Drop me a note on the otherside and I'll have you picked up at JFK...

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to prettykittie)

Post #: 22

RE: what do I do... - 10/9/2006 3:12:59 PM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

Hmmph.

chicken.

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 23

RE: what do I do... - 10/9/2006 3:50:33 PM

Tikkiee

Posts: 1099
Joined: 4/6/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Hmmph.

chicken.

/giggles

_____________________________

~~@ cass @~~

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 24

RE: what do I do... - 10/10/2006 5:29:54 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: prettykittie

Thank you,you are right and I will continue to do such,as for handing him my collar,,,would that be to much pressure on him? Or maybe he truly got in over his head with me..Maybe this was all a ploy to get a good girl and he just isnt the dom that he said he was?

having been in this situation I think this one hits the nail on the head. I too had the same situation and he also kept claiming stress and what not for the problem.. guess what?? its a convenient excuse because you are are always going to have stress.. The question is..do you always want to have vanilla sex? I am gathering from your original post that you dont. I lasted two years of marriage before I had to finally call it quits. Do I miss him? absolutely. He was my best friend and confidant.. however, without the D/s and the BDSM.. there was always a part of me that was yearning and missing out..

To be honest.. all I can say is dont do the marriage if things are not looking "forever good" for you at this time. Getting into a serious committed relationship (marriage esp) in the hopes that someone will change is really a bad idea.

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to prettykittie)

Post #: 25

RE: what do I do... - 10/11/2006 10:41:12 AM

makwa

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/30/2006
Status: offline

sorry i am confussed.... if he is or was your DaddyDom why are you even questioning him? i mean at least for us i am most happy in live and fullfilled when i am pleasing him... not matter if that is sexually, cleaning the house, giving him a bath it really doesn't matter... for me my biggest pleasure is pleasing him.

*maybe you should just hang in there and be supportive and wait... i mean isn't that what a submissive or slave does. being there for the Master to use at will.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 26

RE: what do I do... - 10/11/2006 11:03:47 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: makwa
sorry i am confussed.... if he is or was your DaddyDom why are you even questioning him? i mean at least for us i am most happy in live and fullfilled when i am pleasing him... not matter if that is sexually, cleaning the house, giving him a bath it really doesn't matter... for me my biggest pleasure is pleasing him.

*maybe you should just hang in there and be supportive and wait... i mean isn't that what a submissive or slave does. being there for the Master to use at will.

Slaves and subs are not martyrs, they are active participants in a living dynamic. Everyone must work together to make the relationship work for everyone. If a relationship is set up on a certain set of expectations and then those expectations change dramatically, it would make sense to question things. We get into a particular relationship for a reason- if it didn't matter what the master did, we could just get involved with anyone handing out collars.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to makwa)

Post #: 27

RE: what do I do... - 10/11/2006 11:39:16 AM

Argentopal

Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
Status: offline

Life changes and then goes on. We have been "24/7" for nearly 10 years and married for over 25. Have we got it perfect yet? no. Will we ever? no. But it is still good. Do we scene every day/night? no. Do we even play once every single week, all the time? no. In the last 10 years we have gone through the following: Daddy was diagnosed with a congenital heart disease(ok now w meds, but it took 2 ER/ambulance rides and a cath to figure it out), I was diagnosed with diabets and cancer (surgery and I am fine), built our own home (yes all by our own selves), I ripped my rotator cuff(more surgery), the birth of 3 grandkids, blah blah ... in other words - real life.

Whether or not we have played in long time he is still Daddy and I am still his girl, I still make his bed and get his coffee at 5:45 a.m. Whether or not we have played he still loves me, cares for me, and takes care of me. Life ebbs and flows. I would no more think that he was no longer my Daddy than cut off my arm just because he needed some down time. That is when I take the best care of him, giving him showers, washing his hair, making special treats for his lunch, sending him "love notes". But then we do have a long history and that does help me think about the fact that times will get better, becasue I know they will. He is also patient when I do not feel up to something - sex or play. he took care of me after surguries and waited for me to feel back up to things before he ever required anything of me.

How much do you want this to work? How much time and effort are you willing to invest in him? How honest are you willing to be with him? if this relationship is not worth it, now is a better time to know that than a year from now. Even vanilla couples go through dry spells - work, life, health, wedding plans, the fears he may have as he contemplates this upcoming step in your lives, even some Rx drugs can have huge impacts on mental, emotional and sexual health. You may not have to be a martyr, but you do need to decide on what you really want and what are willing to do in order to help it happen. If you are a bottom that's fine and good to know, but it may mean you want a different type of relationship that a "sub" might want. I would caution you not act in haste, but give it all careful thought and try to have some opne, honest, calm talks with him before you make any big decisions either way.
good luck in your journey.
MsOpal

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 28

RE: what do I do... - 10/11/2006 5:19:28 PM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Your going into a marriage, which is in my opinion a life long agreement. I think its OK to talk plainly with him to see if your both heading in the same direction, and why he has stopped playing with you. Maybe he will just want vanilla stuff once your wed, maybe he will be ok with you taking another dom, or maybe you need to explore something new. Add tantric sex or some other practice to the bedroom but certainly dont get married until everything is smoothed over and you have that life long connection based on love. Its just a waste of time otherwise and you must be willing to change too. Submission isnt just in the play room, ask yourself why you enjoy being a slave and what it is about submission that works for you. It's normal to be reflective and abrehensive before a wedding.

(in reply to Argentopal)

Post #: 29

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 1:18:25 PM

prettykittie

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

Thanks to all of you for some great advice..we have discussed it and still no play as of yet..not even real time..something is missing.something is not right,i just havnt figured it out yet..I think that stress is an excuse,my idea on this whole mess is that he really wasnt ready to be a full time Dom and I am definately wanting anything but a vanilla life.We have some free time this evening and I have invited him to play...we will see what happens...So stay tuned for the next episode of .........

(in reply to ChaOz)

Post #: 30

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 1:20:23 PM

prettykittie

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

oh no,,not chicken just a few days to late.....Damn,I always miss the fuckin boat....lol

(in reply to Tikkiee)

Post #: 31

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 1:59:53 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: prettykittie

Thanks to all of you for some great advice..we have discussed it and still no play as of yet..not even real time..something is missing.something is not right,i just havnt figured it out yet..I think that stress is an excuse,my idea on this whole mess is that he really wasnt ready to be a full time Dom and I am definately wanting anything but a vanilla life.We have some free time this evening and I have invited him to play...we will see what happens...So stay tuned for the next episode of .........

I would ask what is more important, the lifetime commitment that you are fulfilling in June, or playing? Both are important, but which is more so?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to prettykittie)

Post #: 32

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 2:07:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I would ask what is more important, the lifetime commitment that you are fulfilling in June, or playing? Both are important, but which is more so?

I think it's much more an issue of:

What's more important: Committing to a relationship you're not secure with, or making the relationship secure before taking another step in the commiemtn?

This isn't about "playtime"- it's about difference in priorities, expectations, communication, working together and ultimate fulfillment.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 33

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 3:41:31 PM

prettykittie

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

I do love him,this is new for both of us,but I do know that i long for more than just alittle bedroom BDSM.I will talk to him some more,weigh my priorities and see where this goes.I know my Daddy is in there somewhere.Maybe he just needs alittle help from his Babygirl...
Thank you all for your words of wisdom and advice its nice to get more than one opinion.If all else fails I will start attending munches and fetish gatherings..He will either lead or follow...
Respectfully,
Cyndi

(in reply to prettykittie)

Post #: 34

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 3:43:52 PM

prettykittie

Posts: 13
Joined: 6/8/2006
Status: offline

umm,yeah,a day late and a dollar short...lol

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 35

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 3:56:19 PM

charismagirrl

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

your story soooo scares me for you. i totally agree with LA as far as finding out before you commit to something that isn't what you want.

i lived that life for yrs...there were all kinds of things that were good in the relationship but i wanted and needed to be in a M/s relationship and my ex tried but it was only a "game" and there were more "time outs" than "time ins". It made me sad,frustrated,angry and left me so unfulfilled.

If you question his being a Dominant, that maybe he used it as a ploy or got in over his head, these are huge warning signs that should be discussed BEFORE you make that legal commitment...Also it sounds like this is something that you couldn't deal with personally (being just vanilla) and that was somethingg i also had to come to terms with.

Sounds like you two really need serious conversation about your true needs and desires and making sure that you're on the same page. The play time now could help you get a "fix" but the truest "fix" will come from being true with yourselves and eachother.

Best of luck.

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to prettykittie)

Post #: 36

RE: what do I do... - 10/12/2006 7:31:45 PM

ChaOz

Posts: 98
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

Well, sounds like your acting all subby with him even though he isnt maintaining control so he doesnt need to be forceful. He has what he wants. Maybe try domming him for a while? But in the end talking it out is the best way forward.

(in reply to charismagirrl)

Post #: 37

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