UPDATED! (WITH RIDICULOUSLY WRONG JOKES ABOUT MEN!...lol)

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here's your problem guys.

What’s the difference?
...and other what's? and why's?A few JOKE'S to lighten the long day of stressful "Dom, Domme, Subbie, Switch, Slave, Blow-JobSlut, PainSlut, Toilet-Slave, Sperm-Receptacle, RimJob Ranger, Bukkakke babe, Fart-Freak, Preacher-Fuck, BoofooBimbo/Bubba, (and I know some of you sicko's are just here to find a catholic priest to beat the shit out of...) searching"
mgd: i didnt write these, so don't get mad at me if you get annoyed.
Hell yeah theyre old and lame, but I'm not puttin my good jokes up in here 'less i get paid.

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What did one lesbian vampire say to the other?
See you next month.
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WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
because they are plugged into a genius
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WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
they don't have enough time
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WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
they don't stop to ask directions
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WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
because their balls fall
over their butt-hole and they vapor lock.
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WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties.
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WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
you need a rough draft before you make a final copy.
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HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
don't know.....it never happened.
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WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
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What's the best form of birth control after 50?
Nudity
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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lbs.
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
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What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
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Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand comparative criticism.
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What's the difference in an epileptic oyster shucker, and a
prostitute with diarrhea?

The oyster shucker shucks between fits....
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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends
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What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
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What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
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How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

none, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
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What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever
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Why does the bride always wear white?
Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
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A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?

The blonde, because she's 18
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Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.
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What do you tell a blonde with two black eyes?
Nothing she hasn't already been told twice.
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How do you know when you're really ugly?
Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.
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How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends."
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Mom's have Mother's day, Dad's have Father's day, what do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
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Where did Prince Charles spend his first honeymoon?
Indiana
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What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?
Her navel.
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What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

Bingo.
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What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
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Why did God create alcohol?
So ugly people could have sex, too.
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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
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What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
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Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
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Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone there has the same DNA.
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Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
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Why do drivers education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
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Whats the difference in a nun in a church and a whore in a bathtub?
the nun has hope in her soul....
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What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front the cage, along with a recipe.
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Making Love is:
...something my girlfriend likes to do while I fuck her.
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What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row, row, row your boat.
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What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern fairytale begins"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
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How do blonds like their eggs?
Fertilized.
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What’s the difference in you and me?
I'm a man and you're a woman, and if you ain't...

Get the hell outta my Post!
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mgd: I have always hated long jokes. so I collected all these to make sure I had some short ones. Just because I have a slight attention-span deficit, doesnt mean I shouldn't get any laffs. I know they arent the best, and some  are tired. but if you feel that way, I bet you have a gaggle of better ones to post, and to make mine look bad, you'll post em, wont ya?I wont just c&p em into my collection to have even more...promise.Of all the unmitigated gall to suspect me of such...geesh.

(in reply to mgdartist)